Labels That One Word Carries Too Much Weight
by barbie2305
Summary: Brittana. What happens if the roles are reversed and, for once, it is Brittany who can't face her feelings... is Santana strong enough to deal with the pain and will she wait for the girl she loves?
1. Chapter 1: The Things We Do Say, Matter

**I do not own Glee or any of the characters... this is just me dreaming out loud... My first glee, brittana AND fanfic ever, so please be gentle! Reviews are most certainly welcome... I have a few ideas for how this will go so ENJOY!**

There are some people who wake up every morning knowing who they are and they wake up knowing that everyone wants to be just like them. The girls want to be them and the boys want to be with them. Santana was one of those people. She woke up each and every morning knowing that the people around her envied and worshipped her as much as they resented her. I mean, she was head cheerleader, always had someone chasing after her and pretty much got everything her way… but when she really looked in to herself, all she could feel was guilt. Guilt that consumed her and ate away at her, because the thing is that these people, honest caring people, aspired to be the person she was only pretending to be. She didn't know herself anymore, everything she thought she knew about who she was and why she did what she did didn't seem to make sense anymore, and she had lost all sense of being. She was more scared and alone than she had ever been.

High school is 700 days… 700 days and you're done… in the grand scheme of things that doesn't seem like a lot does it? But can you imagine waking up each day and having the torture of being excruciatingly close to the one person you love more than anything else in the world but could never be with? Maybe it was the fear of consequences that held her back or the fact that, even in this forward thinking world, society would say that they could never really be together or maybe just that she knew the other girl may never feel the same way.

Santana was never one to shy away from any of her feelings and liked to think she was one of the most straightforward and honest people out there (sometimes this was to her detriment). She always said what she was thinking, even if it hurt people… most people would rather cry at the truth than smile at a lie right? But with Brittany everything became more difficult and confusing, it was different… of course she was still honest with her best friend and it never even crossed her mind to lie to this person but she was never completely truthful about the way she felt for fear of what her best friend would say or do, she couldn't lose the one person in her life who made her feel like, with just one hug, all her problems could just melt away. To her, Brittany was perfect, she was just so pure and unbroken… and in this world where people go in to each day unwittingly hurting others, this quality made Brittany almost one a kind. I mean, we all start every day and promise ourselves we're going to do better. The problem is in the execution. For most people that is true but for the special ones who manage to see the world with rose tinted glasses… they manage to be the best version of themselves almost effortlessly. All Santana wanted was to make this girl hers and only hers.

Santana's POV

She opened her eyes slowly and stretched only to find she wasn't alone in the bed. At that moment her heart flew to her mouth as she looked down at the silky blonde hair still tucked under the covers. She looked serene, almost angelic, one arm was carelessly laid above her head and her body was still twisted in the throes of her peaceful slumber. She felt overjoyed to have the girl she loved and lusted after in such close proximity, and with that thought her breath hitched in her throat… how could she feel so happy yet so heartbroken at the same time?

While she was lost in her thought, the blonde had awoken and was now staring at her through heavy lidded eyes.

"What's wrong, Tana?"

The small voice broke the reverie she had fallen in to and made her jump causing her to respond far too quickly.

"Nothing, B."

Even after the jolt her tone softened when she answered the blonde. Adding gently

"It's time to get up; we have practice in an hour."

"Mmmkay"

The blonde murmured and stretched luxuriously as she rolled on to her front. She couldn't help but stare as the blonde's tee rode up and flashed a tiny sliver of perfectly milky skin.

Somewhere from the depths of the pillows she heard a contented sigh and knew her best friend was quickly drifting back to sleep. With one hand gently caressing her friend's hair she tried to coax back to consciousness.

"B, seriously, the last few times we turned up late Coach made us do suicides for the whole 2 hours! I don't think I can handle another session like that… if you don't get up in 5 seconds I'm calling Lord Tubbington"

She knew this was sure to get the blonde out of bed. She heard a soft giggle and Brittany pushed the covers off with her feet.

"Ugh… FINE! I'm up, ok?"

Brit's bottom lip was jutted out and she was feigning annoyance. Santana knew she was just trying to get her way. She would do anything for that face, that pout made Santana's heart beat straight out of her chest.

After practice she and Brittany were completely wiped, Coach had been in an especially bad mood today and seemed to take it all out on her. However, knowing that both she and Brit had a full day ahead of them, they couldn't pass out just yet. Santana always tried to avoid the showers after practice because, honestly, she didn't think she could stand the thought of Brittany being so close to her completely naked… it may be slightly harder to hide her longing stares. Instead she made her way towards the boy's locker room knowing no one would be in there at this time. It was actually kind of nice to just get away for a while, you know, have time to think and to be away from the constant chaos of being at high school… if you don't mind the smell that is.

The bell rang just as she was finished getting ready. As she walked in to the hall and towards her first class she felt someone link pinky's with her and she knew immediately it could only be one person. The smell of coconut and lavender invaded her nostrils and she didn't even need to look at the other girl to know that she was standing close and was leaning in to her. This had to be one of the best and worst qualities of the girl she so desperately loved… she was a naturally huggy person, and although Santana loved that about her it was also extremely uncomfortable at times as it reminded her just how much she wanted to be with this girl. Santana was once again brought out of her daydream as Brittany began to whisper in her ear.

"Hey Tana, can I ask you something?"

Brittany's lips grazed her ear and her hot breath traced patterns on her cheek and neck.

"Mmhmm, shoot!"

She said with a smile feigning indifference and praying to God Brittany hadn't heard her breath catch in her throat or how her pinky had instinctively tightened. Brittany spoke again but a little bit louder, her breath only just ghosting her cheek secretly disappointing her that she had moved away a little.

"Do you think I'm hot?"

She almost choked on the piece of gun she was chewing as she was caught off-guard by her friend's bluntness.

"Umm… wha- what makes you ask that?"

She was genuinely terrified of the answer. A million thoughts rushed through her mind. _Fuck, what if she has seen the stares? What if I really am being too obvious about it? Am I somehow making her uncomfortable? _Oblivious to Santana's near panic attack Brit just chattered on.

"It's just, no guys ever look at me the way they look at you… Does that mean I'm ugly?"

You could almost hear the tears in her friend's eyes as she finished the sentence. She turned to the girl next to her and was again caught off guard by her pure beauty… Santana would swear to heaven and hell that if ever there was a perfect face on this earth it would be the one in front of her. She answered as truthfully as she could.

"Brittany, listen to me, you're gorgeous and don't let anyone let you think differently" _Shit, maybe that was a bit much._

"Really?" Brit managed to say as her head dropped.

Santana's heart sank, she hated seeing Brittany doubt herself… she had nothing to doubt.

"Mmhmm…" She replied feigning nonchalance.

"Thanks Tana, you're the best you really know how to make me smile!"

And with that she bounced off with her ponytail swinging, leaving behind just the faint smell of coconuts and a small tingling sensation in my pinky.


	2. Chapter 2: The Best Friend She Could Be

****I do not own Glee or any of the characters... this is just me dreaming out loud... My first glee, brittana AND fanfic ever, so please be gentle! Reviews are most certainly welcome... This is just my way of conveying how deep their friendship is... a bit of angst. Let me know what you think ENJOY :)****

**Chapter 2: The best friend she could be**

When you're in high school all the days seem run in to each other and the weeks seem to pass by in a haze of routine and boredom. Santana was good at school, although she would never really let on that she was (she had to keep up the pretence that she was just another cheerleader). The only moments that stood out in the monotony of her weeks was her best friend's constant presence by her side.

This week was different… it will forever be imprinted on her mind that it was the one when she got her heart broken. Brittany was now dating Josh Coleman the sophomore rugby captain and as a result was spending less and less time with her. It was torture.

**Thursday Night:**

Santana was lying on her back in her bedroom trying to focus on the AP English essay she had to hand in next week when she felt her phone vibrate next to her.

**From: Britt-Britt 7:46pm: "Hey Tana, I miss you! What you up to? xB"**

**To: Britt-Britt 7:48pm: "Nm B, just trying to finish my essay. What bout you? X"**

**From: Britt-Britt 7:51pm: "Sounds boring! You wanna hang out Friday night? My parents are away and I don't wanna be alone. xB"**

**To: Britt-Britt 7:53pm: "I can't, sorry, I said I'd hang out with Puckerman. X"**

**From: Britt-Britt 7:54pm: "Oh…ok. Never mind then… See you tomorrow."**

She couldn't help but feel that Britt sounded a bit jealous but quickly pushed that stupid thought to the back of her mind, yeh right, Britt would never be jealous about her hanging out with a guy, right? She felt bad for lying to Britt but she didn't want to spend time with her for fear that she may get too upset.

Puckerman was one of the football players at McKinley and he was known for being the biggest player at school. Maybe it was shallow or that she just needed some assurance of herself but the only reason she hung out with him was because she craved affection, he gave her the kind of attention that she craved from her best friend. In truth, she was just using him as an excuse for physical contact to help her ignore the lump in her throat that was present so much nowadays. Not that he cared though, as long as she put out and he got what he wanted she had a warm body to hold on to.

**Friday Morning:**

Santana was in a surprisingly good mood this morning considering she knew she upset Brittany last night. Coach was out sick with the flu which meant she got an extra hour in bed and that was enough to give her that extra boost. It was one of the rare days that they got to wear whatever they wanted because Coach wasn't there to hand out punishments.

She walked up to her locker only to find a piece of paper slotted in to one of the vents. She opened it and immediately cracked a huge smile when she saw that it was from Britt. There was a picture of a fat cat (presumably Lord T) and in the familiar cursive writing was written "Lord Tubbington thinks you're purrrrrrfect, and so do I".

Once she had closed her locker she was surprised with a vice like grip around her waist and the head of her best friend leaning in the crook of her shoulder. She sighed contentedly and leaned backwards in to Britt. This is was the touch she lived for.

"Hey Tana, did you get my note?"  
>"I sure did B, thank you. It made my day!" she replied softening her tone so only Britt could hear<p>

"I'm glad Tana, I love to see you smile, that's what makes my day."

On that note her best friend bounded away. She chuckled to herself and thought _shit that girl never does anything by half… if only she knew what she did to me._ Santana pulled herself out of her daydream and headed to class.

The rest of the day passed in a blur and for some reason Britt seemed more touchy-feely than usual. Not that that fact bothered Santana at all. It felt like it always had done and that always made her day just that little bit better.

**Friday Night:**

Santana was at Puckerman's and when his friends weren't around he was actually a pretty sweet guy. At this point they were already cuddling on the sofa and she had her eyes closed picturing that she was actually curled in to her best friend's side. They had already done what Puck needed to be done and although Santana felt dirty and ashamed she couldn't help but revel in the touch of another human being. They were never really cuddlers but she guessed he sensed she needed it tonight.

Her phone chirped next to her and she lazily lifted a hand to check who it was.

**From: Britt-Britt 9:02pm: "Tana? Can you come over? I need you, please… x"**

A sense of panic immediately flew up to her throat and she jumped up immediately to get dressed. Puck shouted in surprise.

"Ow! What the fuck Santana."

"I gotta go Puck." She said quietly

"Aww well before you go you sure you don't want to go for Round 2" he leered

"Eugh grow up Puckerman, once with you is disgusting enough." She spat back

"Chill out woman, it was just a joke. Jeez you always get so cranky after sex" he laughed at himself

"Save it asshole" and with that she stormed out towards her car. She heard her phone beep again

**From: Britt-Britt 9:12pm: Tana! Please answer me… I need you."**

She suddenly realised she had forgotten to reply and quickly tapped a response as she started her car

**To: Britt-Britt 9:13pm: "I'm on my way B, just stay put. I love you"**

**From: Britt-Britt 9:14pm: "Ok, hurry. Love you too"**

She had never driven so fast and was pretty sure she had run almost every red light on the way. _Ugh why did I have to go over to Puckerman's, if I had just stayed home I would have been closer _she thought to herself as she turned into Britt's driveway. It had taken her almost 20 minutes to get there and her panic had been growing ever since, Brittany was not one to be upset and she very rarely told Santana that she needed her so this was already a scary situation. She parked her car and ran up to ring the doorbell.

When no one answered after the 3rd ring she remembered that Britt's parents were actually out of town and she let herself in.

"B… are you here?" she called in to the quiet house

"Tana? Is that you?" Santana cringed at the sound of the voice, it sounded so broken.

"Yeh it's me B, where are you?" she walked in to the living room and found Brittany curled up on the sofa with a tear streaked face. She didn't even hesitate; she ran over to the girl and engulfed her in her arms.

"Shh it's ok B, I'm here." She whispered in to the blonde hair

"He broke up with me Tana, he said that he was only with me because he had made a bet with his friends that he could get me in to bed within the first week. How could I have been so stupid, Tana? I could tell he didn't care about me but it felt so nice to be wanted for once even if it was fake. Why am I never good enough for anyone?" Her best friend whimpered in to the blanket.

"Aww B, you are not stupid! He's the idiot if he couldn't see how special you are." She quietly whispered and as she said it she thought _I want you B, how could anyone else not want you._

They sat cuddled up in each other's arms for what seemed like ages but in reality was only a couple of minutes. Santana was fuming; she couldn't believe that someone out there had had the audacity to hurt this girl. Josh Coleman was going to regret going in to school on Monday and she would make dam sure of that. When she heard the blonde start to speak she was instantly pacified.

"You smell different Tana… I don't like that you don't smell the same…" the blonde said sadly

Her breath hitched in her throat and thought about why this was and a new wave of shame washed over her.

"I'm sorry B, I didn't have time to shower after school."

The blonde was still hiccoughing and shaking in her arms and all she could think was how she just wanted to kiss those tears away and tell her that she was hers and maybe just take the pain away. She hated to see someone so special so unbelievably broken.

Brittany needed her and all she could do was be the best friend she could be. All the while she was thinking _You're good enough for me B, you have always been more than enough for me._


	3. Chapter 3: I Feel Safe When I'm With You

**I do not own Glee or any of the characters... this is just me dreaming out loud... Reviews are most certainly welcome... I now have a pretty clear idea of how I want this to go and I hope you won't be disappointed. ENJOY!**

**Saturday Morning:**

Santana had held her best friend all night and made sure that she felt better. It felt good for her to be able to be there for Brittany. This Josh kid had brought out all the insecurities that she knew Britt had but no one else really knew about. That's the thing about girls, they can seem like they are so well put together when in actual fact they have these secret weaknesses that can be triggered in an instant… Santana knew all about this.

The blonde in her arms stirred and snuggled closer to her body. She was sure that her best friend could hear the thumping of her heart.

Santana's anger had not decreased in any way over night, if it was possible she was even angrier than before because she had spent the whole night thinking about how some idiot could so callously hurt the person she loved. Brittany stirred again in her arms and she knew her best friend was waking up.

"B? Are you awake, sweetie?" she whispered

The blonde in her arms whispered something incoherent and slowly opened those ice blue eyes to stare in to hers.

"Thank you for last night Tana, I don't know what I would do without you." Britt mumbled in a sad sleepy voice.

"It's ok B. I am always here for you, night or day, you know that right?" she managed to say

"Yeh I do, I think that's why I love you so much." The blonde stated matter-of-factly

If it was possible her heart started to beat faster and regardless of the situation she felt the corners of her mouth creep up into a small smile.

"I love you too, B" she replied softly

The blonde raised her head and looked deeper in to Santana's eyes and without hesitation said:

"Can we just cuddle for a little longer?"

Santana's heart soared as she saw the softness in her best friend's eyes.

"Sure B, we can stay as long as you want." A bigger smile crept over her face as she said this and the blonde sighed and snuggled back in to the crook of her neck.

"Good, being here is nice. I feel safe when I am with you and it makes me feel like nothing out there could hurt me now." Britt whispered in to her shoulder.

That sentence was enough to bring tears to her eyes. How she wished she could hear those words in another context, she wished that they weren't just being said because she had been hurt again. She was left to pick up the pieces every time something like this happened, and all she wanted to say was _Love ME, choose ME… I will never hurt you the way they do… I love you too much._ With that thought and the sound of Brittany's steady breathing she closed her eyes and finally drifted off to sleep.

**Saturday Afternoon:**

When she next awoke, the space between her arms was now empty and she could almost taste her disappointment. She rolled over and checked her phone and saw that she had several missed calls and messages. She knew her mother would now be worried as she said she would be home before midnight last night. She scrolled through her messages and found one from Brittany.

**From: Britt-Britt 12:07pm: "Am downstairs, didn't wanna wake you. Come down when you're ready. xB"**

The text message made Santana smile and she swung her legs over the bed, her body shivering as she braced the cold. She padded over to the bathroom while she dialed her mother's number and prepared herself for the yelling. The phone rang twice and her mother picked up.

"Hey mama, I am so sorry about last night..." she tried to sound like she regretted not calling her mother. The answer she got was not the one she was expecting.

"It's ok Baby, Brittany called me this morning and explained the situation. I'm not mad just please think to call next time, ok? Stay as long as you want and call me when you're on your way home."

"Si mama, I will. And… thank you."

"Anytime Mija, I love you."

She hung up the phone and smiled inwardly, as much as her mother irritated her and no matter how often she was away, she always seemed to understand Santana.

Scrolling through the rest of the messages she saw one from Puck and grimaced.

**From: Puckerman 11:31am: "Party at my place tonight people! Show up with booze or don't show up at all! Starts at 8:30pm… Pece."**

Santana never could resist a party and she secretly hoped Britt would be up for going. From experience as soon as her best friend had some alcohol in her she became even more handsy and the thought of this thrilled Santana.

She made her way in to the kitchen and she smiled when she saw Britt on the floor on her stomach watching the Saturday cartoons. At that moment she thought to herself _this girl is amazing, after all the crap she went through last night, she can still see the good in the world and enjoy the simple things._

Britt spotted her and jumped up to hug her, that overwhelming smell of coconuts and lavender made her unconsciously grip harder and nuzzle in to her friend's neck.

"Did you sleep ok Tana?"

"Yeh I did, B." she smiled at her friend's genuine concern.

"Good, I didn't wanna wake you so I just came in here to watch the cartoons."

"Thanks. Listen Puckerman is having a party tonight. Do you wanna go?"

"I got the text too, yeh I wouldn't mind going to take my mind of things. I think you're Mom was kind of worried about you so why don't you go home and I'll come over later at like 8 to get ready?"

"Sounds like a plan, Batman." She knew Britt loved that phrase and watched her best friend giggle adorably and felt herself being pulled in to another hug.

**Saturday Evening: **

Britt showed up at her house as promised and she was floored by what her best friend was wearing. Britt was wearing a figure hugging black tank top with skinny jeans and bright red high heels. Santana couldn't help but stare at the blonde curls tumbling over the shoulders accentuating her immaculate figure. Her best friend seemed to shift uncomfortably under her intense gaze and this made her snap out of it.

"Geez Britt, you trying to kill every guy in Ohio with your look? You look beautiful!" she tried to hide the awe in her voice.

"Really you think so? You look amazing too Tana, but then again you always do. Did you just say I was beautiful?" the last question caught her off guard.

"Uhh- yeh Britt you are beautiful. Why?" panic seeped in to her voice

"No reason, it's just I don't think anyone has ever called me that before." Britt was smiling and she couldn't help but feel that she had said the right thing.

"Oh, well everyone should call you that because you are." She smiled as she said this and was glad to see her best friend grin back. Thankfully the moment didn't last long because she didn't think she could hold the blondes eyes in her own any longer.

"So, you ready to go panda?" She sucked in a breath when she realised she had used the nickname they had long stopped using… she was secretly praying the blonde hadn't noticed her mistake. She was wrong… the blonde's eyes snapped up and caught her own.

When they first met in 4th grade Britt wore this hat in to school literally every day for a year, it was this goofy little panda hat with paws hanging down over the blonde's ears. She still remembers that even though it was a stupid hat, Britt managed to make it look good. One day there were some kids teasing Britt about it and she stepped up to defend her friend… after that she had just decided to use the nickname and it had stuck. She couldn't say why she had stopped using it but in that moment it felt right to use it again.

"You haven't called me that in years…" she started to panic as Britt narrowed her eyes.

"But you know what… I kinda miss you calling me that." To her relief her friend's face broke in to a grin and she let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding.

"Yeh, I missed it too. Come on then 'panda'." This time she winked and added a little emphasis on the long forgotten nickname. They ran out the door with their pinkies linked as she heard Britt chuckle at her comment.

They arrived at the party and it seemed to be in full swing already even though it was only about 10 minutes after the party allegedly started. She had a feeling that Puck and his friends on the football team had been pre-gaming since this afternoon and this meant that everybody was already feeling a little loud and she loved it. If there was one thing she knew how to do properly, it was party. As she made her way to the drinks table with Britt in tow, her face lit up in a smile when she spotted her fellow glee club members around the table doing shots. Last year, she had been reluctant to join the dorky little club for fear of what it would do to her reputation but it turns out the bitchy attitude she was known for was more than enough to keep her reputation intact… it didn't matter whether she was in the club or not. She let go of Britt and moved to hug her friends and they were all genuinely happy to see her, before Glee, people either hated, worshipped or were afraid of her. She liked that she could be herself with them and they would never judge.

As she was finishing her round of hello's and had taken the shots she had been offered she sat down on the stool at the far end of the bar and looked around the room. She caught Puckerman's eye and he gave her a creepy wink to which she replied with a scowl.

The thing about Puck's parties was that there was no shortage of alcohol, she noticed Britt and Mike Chang (one of the few members of Glee that was also on the football team) doing a line of shots at the other end of the bar. She could see her best friend starting to relax a little and turned her attention to Mercedes Jones (the resident Glee diva) on her left who was holding out a Jaeger Bomb for her to take. Just as she slammed the glass down, she felt the familiar arms snake around her waist and the hot breath in her ear as Britt whispered low enough for only her ears

"I'll forgive you this one time but next time we come to a party you are not allowed to let go of me."

She smiled and lent back letting the familiar scent of Brittany wash over her making her head spin more than it already was.

"And why's that Panda?" she breathed back shocked at the huskiness in her voice

"Because… like I told you this morning, Tana: I feel safe when I'm with you… it's like nothing can hurt me." She knew Britt was drunk but she could also hear the truth in the words. With that she turned her chair effectively releasing the blonde's grip around her waist. She turned to look at her best friend in the face and murmured in Britt's ear.

"I'm sorry Panda, I promise for the rest of the night I won't let go." Once again her best friend's face broke in to a smile as she mouthed the word 'OK' over the loud music. She reached for Brittany's pinky but was surprised when her best friend instead entwined their fingers together so they were palm to palm.

For the next hour they remained in the kitchen doing ridiculous amounts of shots with the Glee club and she slowly found herself mellowing out and starting to enjoy herself more and more. All she could focus on now was how close Brittany came whenever she needed to talk or the feel of her best friend's hand encased in her own. Once again the blonde leaned down and whispered in her ear but this time the words made her heart jump in to her throat.

"Dance with me?"

She subconsciously nodded and before she had time to reply verbally she was being dragged to the dance floor. The blonde pulled her in and started swaying to the music pushed tightly against her body. Every part of her body that came in to contact with Brittany's was bursting in to flame… she was only partly aware of the fact that her breath was quickening. She felt her best friend lean in to her ear and she felt the words before she heard them.

"I love this part of you…" she felt Britt's finger touch her pulse point. She inhaled sharply and was only just able to choke out an answer

"Why?" she even surprised herself with how breathy she sounded. Britt responded without missing a beat.

"It smells like you and I can feel your heartbeat… when I touch it I feel like I'm being connected straight to your heart." She sighed at the words and felt Britt smile in to her shoulder. Without thinking she replied.

"You're always connected to my heart, B." Her eyes flew open and the breath flew out of her mouth as her best friend lent in and placed a soft kiss right where she had touched a few moments ago. She pulled back to see Britt smiling at her.

"Let's go get a drink." Within seconds she was being hauled off the dance floor towards the kitchen, Britt's handing holding on to hers tightly.

With their hands tightly linked together she let herself be guided through the moving bodies. She closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of the other girls hand in hers, and when she next opened her eyes they were back with their friends and she was surprised to find that Puck was there… this was one of the rare moments when he actually acknowledged his fellow glee club members in public. Unsurprisingly he had convinced those around the table to play a game of spin the bottle. She was dragged over and it seemed like she was now a part of the game.

It started off innocent, a few pecks here and there between friends and she rolled her eyes jokingly at the innocence. It was finally Britt's turn and the blonde caught her eye before spinning the bottle… She turned away for fear of revealing her disappointment if the bottle didn't land on her. As she turned her head she caught sight of a bunch of guys in letterman jackets, as a gap in the crowd appeared she caught sight of the one person she didn't expect to see. Josh Coleman was standing there laughing with his rugby friends as if he didn't have a care in the world. She felt the unresolved anger from last night rise up like bile in her throat… before she knew what she was doing she had dropped her best friend's hand and started running towards the object of her disdain. She hadn't even turned to see that Brittany's spin had landed with the bottle pointing at her… She just saw red.


	4. Chapter 4: You Let Go

**I do not own Glee or any of the characters... this is just me dreaming out loud... Reviews are most certainly welcome... I'm slowly getting there… I just wanted to show the confusion in relationship… I think my next chapter will be in the point of view of Brittany… let me know what you think. ENJOY :)**

She didn't even realise she had taken off from her place next to Britt until she found herself face to face with Josh. She couldn't even hear the music anymore, all she could hear was the sound of the blood rushing through her ears. She didn't even mean to be this angry but the fact that the boy had had the balls to walk in here and act like he had done nothing wrong really rubbed her the wrong way. Nobody messed with Santana or any of her friends…

She took a deep breath and tried to keep her tone even as she started speaking to him

"Do you mind telling me what the FUCK you are doing here?" Santana was aware that the music stopped and everyone was staring, but at this point she was past caring.

Josh turned to her and pasted a cocky smile on his face before replying

"I was invited. Why, what's it to you?" his friends jeered behind him and that irked her even more.

"Look here FuckFace; I don't care what you do with your pathetic little life but when your actions end up hurting someone I care about I make it my business to make sure you don't come away from this without feeling some pain. Got it?" she spat the last words in to his face.

"Woah, look your friend over there was pretty much begging for it! I just decided to make it a little more fun on my end. But hey, don't feel too bad for me… I got 50 bucks out of it." She heard his friends laugh again and then a pained gasp came from somewhere behind her… she knew that sound and had to stop herself from turning to look into her best friend knowing she would lose all resolve if she saw the pain in her eyes. Her hands were now curled into fists and she was seething.

"You stupid little fuck you don't realise what you have done… messing with someone I care about means that you are done at this school." She heard someone clearing their throat behind her and she knew Puckerman had moved to back her up; this made the corners of her mouth turn up into a nasty smile. Josh scoffed at her words

"Yeh… right as if some trashy slut could be the end of me. You know what else… she wasn't even worth the 50 bucks." As soon as those left his mouth she felt herself raise her fist and caught his jaw perfectly with her left hook… and just to make sure he felt every single bit of it the back of her hand came whipping back and caught on his right cheek.

"If I were you jockstrap I would take your little minions and get the fuck out of here because there is a hell of lot more where that came from. There is a special place in hell for people like you." To her surprise all of the boys suddenly looked scared and backed out of the house as fast as they could. The anger seeped away and she was left feeling drained and her left hand was painful. As soon as she turned she saw the reason the guys had looked so scared, Puck and his teammates had all stood forward to back her up. Puck was beaming

"Santana that was totally hot! I always hated those rugby guys anyway, I only invited them because his dad's rich and he brings a lot of booze." The boys were high fiving each other and the music had started all over again.

She looked around the room searching for the only eyes she wanted to see at that moment and found them exactly where she had left Britt. She couldn't quite make out the look she had… it was a mixture of hurt and anger. She felt her heart sink as the blonde turned away from her with her shoulders drooped. She couldn't help but think _I don't get it; I stood up for her… I protected her… why is she looking at me like I hurt her… like I've done something horrible._

The pain in her hand was starting to get worse and she realised she had broken skin when her fist had made contact. Mercedes had seen this and was now walking over with an icepack

"Here take this S and let's go sit outside to cool you off."

"Thanks Cedes." With that the 2 girls pushed open the sliding doors to the patio and she immediately sucked in the cool night air allowing the rest of her anger to just rush out of her.

"Is Britt ok?" she said quietly as Mercedes started taking care of her hand

"I don't know, S. She looked pretty upset when she realised you had taken off and then looked like she was about to cry when you hit that jerk."

"I should go find her, shouldn't I?" she looked in to her friend's eyes to trying to find confirmation on what she should do.

"I don't know S, maybe give her a few minutes… she's with Quinn in the bathroom right now."

They sat in silence for a while and she was desperately trying to figure out what she had done to upset her best friend. She was so deep in thought that she hadn't heard Quinn come out to the patio, Mercedes stood up understanding that the other two girls wanted to talk. She heard the glass door close and she looked up at Quinn expecting her to say something. It took a while for the other girl to speak and she was surprised to hear anger in the voice.

"You couldn't have just let it go?" Santana narrowed her eyes as she heard this

"You mean just let some guy treat her like shit again and again? No I couldn't… why is that so wrong? How does that make me the bad person in this situation?" she could feel the anger rising in her voice again… Quinn just shook her head

"You really don't get it, do you? She came here to get her mind off it… of course she was still hurt but you doing what you did just brought it all back to the surface again. She was having a good time and you just had to make a big deal out of something that, to be honest, isn't really anything to do with you." Quinn was being patronizing and she hated it

"It DOES have something to do with me Quinn! Everything to do with Brittany has something to do with me…" she could feel her voice quiver now and was trying to hold her strength

"Why? Tell me why that is Santana… hmm? Because you feel you need to protect her from everything? It doesn't work like that… she's a big girl… she can protect herself. Stop trying to be the hero." she could feel Quinn start to soften and she chanced looking up in to the eyes of her friend and was surprised to find sympathy.

"I'm not trying to be a fucking hero Quinn… she told me twice in the last 2 days that she feels safe when she's with me and she feels like no one can hurt her. How am I supposed to take that, hmm? Am I supposed to just sit back and watch this asshole walk all over her?" she couldn't help snapping at her friend.

"But San, he wasn't doing anything! She was having fun and he was nowhere near her… you acted out of your own anger. Yes it was anger caused by something happening to your best friend but that doesn't give you the right to bring it up in front of a room full of people. You embarrassed her." That was when she realised Quinn was right…

"Shit… I didn't look at it like that. Fuck… I screwed up bad, huh?" Quinn sat beside her and looped her arm through Santana's

"You know she'll get over it but I don't think your little outburst helped… it may have done more harm than good." Santana let out a sigh and let the silence envelope them. Quinn was the first to speak up again

"How's your hand? Let me have a look…" she flinched as Quinn picked up her hand and removed the ice pack to look at the swollen knuckles

"You're lucky S, it looks like it's just bruised. You may be small but you sure can pack a punch… even if you are a lefty" she could sense the tension had left and heard Quinn chuckle and nudge her shoulder. Quinn stood up and reached her hand down to help Santana up before adding

"Now why don't we go and see if we can find your best friend so you can repair some of the damage you caused tonight. Shouldn't be that hard… the girl loves you, you know?"

She sighed and felt the new guilt wash over her _god why do I love that girl so much that I can't help hurting her by opening my big mouth._

"Yeh, I know she does Q."

She walked back in to the room and was relieved to find everyone had just carried on the party and hardly anyone was looking at her like she was crazy. She walked up next to Mercedes and gratefully accepted the shot she was offered… she needed a little liquid courage if she was going to get through the next conversation.

"Hey Cedes, have you seen Britt?" I tried to make myself heard over the music

"Yeh, she just left with Finn ad Rachel. He said he would drive her home."

_Shit now I have to walk to hers… I don't want her to go to bed mad at me._

After a good 30 minute walk she arrived in Britt's driveway and noticed that all the lights were off at the front of the house. That either meant she went to stay at Rachel's or she had already gone in to her room and she selfishly hoped it was the latter. She crept round the side of the house and started climbing the tree outside Britt's bedroom. Before they were allowed to go out to parties this was the way they used to sneak out of Britt's bedroom, despite herself she smiled at the memory. As she reached the window she saw Britt sitting on the floor talking to Lord Tubbington looking like she had tears in her eyes. She tapped on the window and saw her best friend's hand fly to her chest and her head jerk towards the window… Britt slowly got up off the floor and unlocked the window so she could push it up and climb in.

"The only reason I opened the window was because I didn't want you to fall out of the tree… I don't really wanna talk to you right now Santana…" she cringed at the fact that her best friend used her full name… that meant she was really hurt.

"Britt, can you let me explain myself at least? I don't wanna leave with things hanging between us." She watched her best friend contemplate her offer and was relieved to see her nod her head ever so slightly.

"I just want you to know how sorry I am for ruining your night B… I acted selfishly and I didn't even think about you… I just remembered how broken you were last night and how angry that made me and I just flipped. I was just doing it to protect you…" she paused finally to take a breath and looked in to her friend's eyes to try and gauge her reaction… she watched the blonde take a deep breath and start talking

"Yeh but I don't need you to protect me all the time Tana, I just wanted to spend an evening with my best friend and forget about everything… and now everyone knows what he did to me. Look, I know you didn't mean to hurt me in any way and I know you were just doing what you thought was right… but what is right for you is not necessarily right for me."

"I know B… I can't apologize enough. I should have held my tongue and just been –" she was interrupted by an exasperated sigh and the sound of Britt interrupting her.

"That's not even the biggest reason I am upset right now… I understand what you did but what really hurt me was that you broke your promise." This sentence genuinely baffled Santana… _Promise? I don't even remember making a promise. _Her eyes found Brittany's and she saw tears in the other girl's eyes...

"What promise B?" That was when she saw the tears start flowing freely from her best friend's eyes.

"The fact that you can't even remember the promise you made me says it all Tana…" she watched as her friend turned away and walked in to the bathroom and closed the door. Santana sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed her eyes in the palm of her hands trying in earnest to remember the promise she had made. She was suddenly very aware of how exhausted she felt, the anger had really taken it out of her and the fact that her brain was running on low energy wasn't really helping the situation at the moment.

She waited for what seemed like an age with her eyes trained on the closed door in front of her when it suddenly hit her… she had promised she wouldn't let go of her best friend. _Crap that's why she is so upset right now. _She heard the door open and looked up at her best friend who looked like she had just finished shedding fresh tears. She stood up and walked over to her best friend pulling her in to her arms… she didn't care that Britt still had her arms crossed in front of her preventing Santana from embracing her fully. She took a deep breath and buried her face in her best friend's neck

"B… I'm sorry I let go." She held her breath as she waited for an answer

"Yeh… you promised Tana… that's what hurt the most. You'd been acting weird all week and a tonight was the first time I felt that I had the real you back… What was wrong this week that you acted so distant?"

"Nothing B… it was just–" she hesitated "never mind."

"Jeez Santana… why can't you ever tell me exactly what's going on with you? I'm your best friend… why can't you ever just let me all the way in? What are you afraid of?" her heart dropped as she felt Brittany move away from her almost forcefully.

"I do let you in B… I let you in more than I have ever let anyone else in…"

"Yeh well that's not good enough anymore Tana… I need to be all the way in just like you are with me."

"I – I can't B."

"Fine, Santana… you promised me earlier that you wouldn't let go and I thought you knew I meant that metaphorically and not just physically… obviously not. You should go."

"B… Please."

"No Tana, I'm tired we'll talk about this tomorrow…"

"Fine… I'll leave but please tell me how I can fix this…"

"I don't know Santana… I really don't… I can't talk about this. You made a promise but you broke it… you let go."


	5. Chapter 5:Just Let Me In

**I do not own glee or any of the characters… just dreaming out loud. Thank you for the reviews and favorites, it really means a lot! I am aiming to update every 2 or 3 days (although so far it has been everyday). I hope you keep enjoying it cos I'm enjoying writing it. I'm sticking with Santana POV because I find her easier to write but I will try a Britt POV in the next one! I'm sorry about all the angst in this one and the fact that it is very Santana-centric but I felt that I needed Santana to face the consequences of her actions before things get better. Let me know what you think. ENJOY!**

**Sunday Morning:**

She awoke with the feeling that her head been run over by a truck… truth is, she didn't even drink that much last night but she had cried pretty much non-stop after she left Brittany's until she fell asleep. Her head was spinning in confusion as her best friend's words rang through her ears as if she was still standing in front of her.

"That's not good enough anymore…" that one sentence was on repeat in her head… it was as if there was a finality to it that she couldn't quite figure out. There was almost a double meaning to the words she had heard come out of the blondes mouth last night and she couldn't for the life of her figure it out… nor did she know how she was going to fix this. She was supposed to protect her best friend and be the one place she could feel safe and in the end it was her who had broken her more than anyone else.

She picked up her phone and took a deep breath before quickly tapping out a message to Britt.

**To: Britt-Britt 11:31am: "B… are you ready to talk about last night? Can we meet? I Love You x"**

She wasn't expecting a reply straight away and she knew she would get the response when Britt was ready to talk which, from experience, would be sometime today. One of the things she loved about her best friend was how forgiving she was… no matter how mad she had been at the time she always managed to get over it quickly. She realized that she really needed to clear her head so that when Britt texted her ready to talk she went in knowing what she wanted to say and could avoid causing any more hurt to the one person she loved more than anything else in the world. Truth is, Brittany was her family even more so than her real one because they were hardly ever around… if she lost Brittany she didn't know how she would be able to get past it.

Pulling on her shorts and a sport bra she headed out in to the mid morning sun and started her run. Running was a major part of her life, if she didn't have this time to be by herself and let whatever thoughts she had at the time wash over her she was sure she would be an even bigger bitch than she already was. There was something exhilarating about running so far and so fast that you couldn't even feel your legs anymore, it was the best kind of exhaustion. Santana ran for what seemed like forever but for once she felt almost like she was running towards something instead of away.

Without realizing it she had made her way to the top of the hill where her and Britt used to go all the time before boys, high school and feelings had made everything in life just that little bit more complicated. She took a deep breath and checked her phone to find there was still no reply even after 2 hours… With her head hung low she sat down on the bench her and Britt had carved their names in to when they had decided to "run away" from home at age 11 only to find the outside world became scary after the sun went down and headed home disappointed that their little adventure had been so short. She smiled sadly at the memory and ran her thumb over their faded initials. She wasn't quite sure how long she sat there, although being alone for too long normally made her irrationally afraid she was unwanted today seemed to be different. She let her mind her wander back to the events of last night and let herself analyse every moment of the conversation even if it made her feel sick to hear the hurt in Britt's voice over and over again. There was something in her tone last night that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Santana was unsurprised to arrive home to an empty house; she was used to it now. She had long ago accepted that the reason she found it hard to get close to people was for fear that she would end up being alone at the end of the day again. Of course her parents took care of her and provided her with everything she wanted… some would say she was spoiled. She had the things that any normal kid would wish for but she didn't have the one thing most of the people who envied her did… affection. She hadn't admitted this to any of her friends… not even Brittany (although she was sure that the blonde could see the look of disappointment in her eyes every time they came home together and she found an envelope full of money on the kitchen table because her parents had another job in another city), she didn't think she would be able to handle the look of pity on their faces. The fact that Brittany found it so easy to love her and show her affection was probably one of the main reasons she loved the girl.

She picked up her phone and scrolled to Brittany's name contemplating whether to call her or not but settled on a text message in case she was busy.

**To: Britt-Britt 7:48pm: "Didn't get a reply from you today B… Hope you're ok. Maybe we can talk tomorrow? Pick you up at the same time as usual tomorrow? xx"**

This time the reply came almost immediately and her heart started beating faster

**From: Britt-Britt 7:48pm: "No it's ok, I'm riding with Quinn."**

After reading the message she felt tears prick her eyes… They had ridden to school together every day since she had got her driving licence… she was obviously still hurting. She replied quickly hoping that now she had a reply she could get her best friend talking.

**To: Britt-Britt 7:51pm: "I am really sorry for last night B… Please tell me you know that?"**

No reply…

She went to bed that night feeling more alone than she had ever felt in her life.

**Monday Morning:**

She awoke with a heavy heart and saw that once again it was a perfect day in Lima, it made her feel worse. The thought that the rest of the world had carried on around her and hers was starting to crumble made her feel sick. She cursed at the sun peaking in through the curtains and threw herself out of bed to get ready even though she just wanted to curl up and wake up when everything had blown over. She dressed in uniform and made sure that her ponytail was perfect so as to make sure that she wouldn't get called out for punishment by Coach because that would just be the icing on the cake. When she had managed to get everything together for her Monday classes, all the while kicking everything that was in her way out of frustration, she climbed in to her car. Without realizing it she started her normal route towards the Pierce household when she realized her mistake she slammed her fists on the steering wheel and pulled a U-Turn as the tears threatened to spill out of her eyes.

Walking in to school was one of the hardest things she's had to do… what would she say to Britt? She glanced up towards her locker and her heart soared when she saw her best friend standing there waiting for her.

She felt a small smile reach her face and her entire body subconsciously relaxed a little. She met the blonde's eyes

"Hey B… how are you?"

"Fine, I was just waiting for you because I needed to give you your Spanish book… I know it's your first period and thought you would need it." She winced at the curtness in her best friend's voice.

"Um- thanks…" she managed to reply without her voice breaking.

Without reply she saw Brittany turn around and walk away towards where some of the other cheerios were waiting and then she disappeared around the corner. Santana let out a breath and headed off to first period with her heart in her shoes.

From then the day just went from bad to worse. She got written up in Spanish when she took her anger out on the teacher in first period. Coach had doled out a harsh punishment for her smeared mascara and worst of all Brittany had ignored her all day. She had never seen Britt act this way before and she couldn't help but think to herself _what if I really have lost her… what if I can't fix this._

**Monday Afternoon: Glee Club:**

This was the normally the time of day when her and Britt had the most fun, they would sit in the back row of the choir room and make fun of Mr. Schue's vest of the day or Rachel's crazy ideas on good music. This time Britt was sitting in the front with Quinn and hadn't even turned to look at her once. It was then that she decided she wasn't going to give up on this and came up with a plan that would hopefully show her best friend exactly how she was feeling…

Rachel, of course, started off the songs for the day, once that girl's mouth opened there was no way of stopping her until she had performed. When she saw Rachel had finished yet another Broadway number she stood up slowly from her seat at the back and made her way to the front of the room. Mr. Schue seemed genuinely surprised that she was up there… she never sang unless she was asked to or she had to.

"What a nice surprise Santana. What do you have for us today?"

"Uhh, I was going to sing 'Everybody Hurts Sometimes'"

"Nice! A bit of R.E.M… good choice San." She heard Mercedes yell from the back of the room.

"Uh, no actually it's not R.E.M… it's a song by this new British artist Pixie Lott." Mr Schue raised his eyebrows as she said this.

"All right, well go ahead Santana."

The piano started and she kept her eyes trained on the ground building up her courage for the first verse. When it started she looked up and caught the only eyes she wanted in the room… She sang the first verse straight in to those ice blue eyes that held hers

"_**I don't know how to turn it all around  
>When I feel hopeless<strong>__**  
>Can't see my way out<br>Now I'm so low how will I ever get back up  
>When I am broken<br>And I've just had enough**_

_**Pick up the pieces and I'll put myself back together**_  
><em><strong>Crying it out there's no doubt that this got to get better<strong>_

_**And it's alright**__**  
>To go in and let you're tears fall down<br>When everything crashes to the ground  
>And it's alright<strong>_…_**"**_

As she sang each word she tried to convey the emotions she was feeling… she sang to Brittany as if they were the only two people in the room. Throughout the rest of the song she dipped her head and stared at her feet as she felt the tears trickle down her cheeks. The final few bars of the songs sounded out and all she could hear was the deafening silence of the other members… before she could help herself she turned on her heel and walked out the door and focused her mind on getting to her car before falling apart completely. As she walked down the hall she heard the familiar voice call out behind her.

"Tana!" she carried on walking unsure that she was able to face the person following her. This wasn't enough to deter her best friend.

"Tana! Will you stop running away from me? See, this is what I was talking about the other night… No wait, I didn't mean for it to sound that harsh… I'm sorry… I guess I am still angry." with that she stopped and turned to face Brittany, she could feel even more hurt welling up in her eyes when she heard that sentence. After minutes of silence she slowly raised her head to meet the piercing blue eyes that invaded her dreams every night.

"I apologized for that Brittany, I don't know what else I can do…" she started sobbing and instinctively took a step back as the blonde took one step forward.

"Tana… all I ask is that you stop running away from me… and I don't just mean that just right now when you are literally running away from me." Silence fell again and Santana couldn't help the tears that flowed freely from her eyes… she was never this vulnerable in public. No… she was never this vulnerable EVER with anyone.

Before she knew what was happening she felt the strong arms wrap around her waist and she was being pulled in to a bone crushing hug and the familiar smell of Brittany washed over her, this only made her cry more.

"Shh, it's ok Tana.. I'm here." She pulled the other girl close to her and twisted her hands in the back of the blonde's shirt. She whimpered as she felt Britt pull away and folded her arms across her chest as if her heart was going to fall out of her chest at any moment. She felt a hand on her chin pulling her head up and she met the blue eyes once again. They looked at each other for a long time before she heard the almost inaudible whisper escape the other girl's lips.

"All I ask is that, for once, you let me all the way in… Just let me in…"


	6. Chapter 6: I Would Never Leave You

**I do not own glee or any of the characters… just dreaming out loud. Thank you for the reviews and favorites, it really means a lot! I think maybe I am going to stick with Santana's POV for the moment just because I feel she has a lot of issues to work through. Things are starting to progress between Brittany and Santana so I hope you enjoy it. I hope you are enjoying it! ENJOY!**

**Chapter 6: I would never leave you.**

**Monday Evening:**

She had never felt so emotionally exhausted, she didn't even know she was capable of crying this much. Even if they weren't on the best terms her friendship with Brittany could overcome anything… today was proof of that. The blonde had held her as she let all the things she had been holding in for so long came out of her in the form of tears and then had given her a look of pure compassion and understanding and walked away as if sensing that she needed to be alone.

She wanted to let Brittany in, there was no doubt in her mind that that was what she wanted to do… she was just afraid of the consequences. Afraid that her best friend would close off if she revealed her true feelings or that what was inside wasn't good enough anymore. She would rather push her best friend away than watch her walk away and have the same feeling of abandonment that she got from everyone else in her life. She knew that this was stupid and that Brittany was more understanding than she was given credit for but that didn't stop the paralyzing fear she felt every time she contemplated opening up completely… she had never been that open with anyone. The sound of her phone chirping next to her pulled out of her thoughts.

**From: Britt-Britt 9:23pm: "San… I don't know what is going on with you right now I just need you to know that I am always here. You don't need to be afraid with me… I love you and that is never going to change. xB"**

Despite the tears running down her face she could feel the corners of her mouth pull up in to a smile as she read the message from her best friend. It didn't ease any of her fears but that was the moment that she realized she wanted to let Brittany all the way in… she trusted the girl not to hurt her. They had been through everything together and this was just another one of those hurdles they would have to face together. She must have rewritten her reply at least 10 times before she settled on the message she wanted to send.

**To: Britt-Britt 9:28pm: "I know that now B… I just don't want to do anything to wreck this friendship because I rely on you so much. It puts a smile on my face just seeing your name on my phone come up. You already know I have a problem trusting people, I don't tell anyone anything. And I have this problem with people judging me and for some irrational reason I thought you were going to be like that…so I am really, really sorry if I've made you feel like I don't care about you or don't tell you anything because I do want to, and you do mean so much to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're probably the only person I actually want to talk to right now. I love you B… and I'm sorry if I made u feel otherwise. Listen can we talk tomorrow after school maybe? My parents are away again so you could stay over. Xx"**

**From: Britt-Britt 9:29pm: "Yeh I'd like that. I've missed you San… I've missed talking and I've missed your hugs… I'd love to spend time with you. xB"**

**To: Britt-Britt 9:32pm: "I've missed you too, B. I promise from now on I'm going to try harder to let you in… I'll change I promise. xx"**

**From: Britt-Britt 9:36pm: "I never asked you to change San… I just wanted you to trust me enough to let me in and let me know what is happening in your life. I've got to go San, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you… always. xB"**

**To: Britt-Britt 9:41pm: "Night, Panda. I love you xx"**

For the first time in a while she went to bed feeling secure and hopeful that everything was going to turn out ok. It was a feeling she wasn't used to but it meant she fell asleep with a smile on her face for the first time in what felt like forever. Her last thought before falling asleep was that Brittany was the only person in the world who could make her feel like this and this just made her even more sure of what she wanted to do.

She woke up to the sound of footsteps on the landing outside her door. She knew immediately that something was off because she remembered clearly locking the door and setting the alarm before she went to bed. She heard the door to her room open and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw a silhouette and realized that it was Brittany. She couldn't understand what was happening… all she could see through her tired eyes was the sight of her best friend creeping in to her room.

"B? What the hell are you doing here? It's like 1am?"

"I'm sorry San, I just wanted to see you… after that message you sent me earlier I just wanted to come see you face to face to talk." Britt was whispering even though they were alone in the house.

"You want to talk at 1am? I don't understand… is everything ok?" she started to panic… Brittany wasn't one to turn up out of the blue like this. _Shit, I thought everything was ok…_

"I don't know... I just wanted to see you, if that's not ok I can go?" for once Britt actually sounded unsure.

"No it's ok, B. Come here… do you need pajamas?" the words coming out of her best friend's mouth were making her heart soar.

"Yes please, can you give me that t-shirt that I always wear?"

"Sure B, give me a sec." She moved over to her chest of drawers and found the shirt immediately… she always left it in the same drawer… Brittany's drawer. She handed the shirt to her friend and climbed back in to bed. Within a few minutes she felt the bed dip and heard her best friend getting in to bed. Her heart was in her throat as she felt Britt move closer so that the blonde's back was almost pressed against her.

"B… are you sure you're ok?" she whispered in to the darkness

"Can you just hold me, San?" she heard her best friend whisper

Her heart was beating a mile and minute as she moved closer to the blonde… she reached a hand over and pulled the other girl closer to her, inhaling the scent of Britt's hair as she did. She could feel each breath her best friend took and it soothed her and soon their breathing fell in to a rhythm… as the silence drifted over them she heard Britt whisper in to the night…

"Mmm… this is all I needed."

In that moment she was too tired to think about what that sentence meant and she drifted off in to a peaceful sleep.

**Tuesday Morning:**

She awoke that morning with her arms still wrapped tightly around her best friend…. The smell of Brittany invaded her senses and she pulled the other girl closer to her. She felt Britt start to stir and pulled back a little… she was surprised to feel the other girl pull her closer. She heard her best friend sigh contentedly….

"I missed you, San."

She couldn't help herself from uttering the words she was thinking.

"I like waking up next to you, Panda." She opened her eyes… fully expecting her best friend to move away at the intimate words. Instead she felt the blonde move closer and clutch the hand she was holding closer to her body. She didn't know what to think… but she didn't have to think too long because Britt suddenly jumped up and headed to the bathroom muttering something about being on time for school. Santana couldn't help but think she had overstepped her bounds. Her panic was cut short by her best friend running back over and giving her a hug before telling her that she should get up before they were late for school.

The day passed relatively quickly and she was relieved because she knew that Brittany would be at her house that evening.

**Tuesday Evening:**

Her heart leapt when she heard the doorbell ring and she opened the door to her best friend holding a giant bucket of popcorn… just like old times.

"Hey B, come on in… I got all your favourite Disney movies ready."

"Thanks Tana, I missed you today."

Something felt different today… they were doing all the same things but to Santana it felt different.

Half way through the Lion King Brittany leaned in to her and pulled her arms so they were wrapped over the other girl… she was sure that Britt could feel the rise in her heartbeat immediately. It was impossible to be in such close proximity to the blonde without her heart racing. They remained like that for the next 3 movies… she loved it.

After Mulan had finished, Brittany had turned to her and asked her the dreaded question…

"So are you ready to talk about everything, San? Cos I have things that I need to say too."

She was caught off guard by the question and stuttered, making herself look like a fool. She just didn't know what to say to get things started… They sat for a while just looking at each other as the DVD movie played on repeat behind them. She finally mustered up the courage to start talking first.

"B… I just want to say how sorry I am for everything that has happened… I should have been honest with you from the start. Me not expressing my feelings were the reason things got out of hand and it's also the reason we haven't been talking these last couple of days. I should have told you how angry I was that someone hurt you before acting on that anger…" Brittany looked at her completely confused and she couldn't figure out why…

"S… why are you still talking about that? I told you I wasn't mad about that… I would have done the same thing. I was mad because you always seem so shut off towards me and that hurts… I have always been open with you and sometimes I feel like you don't trust me enough to do the same." She felt the tears rise to her eyes as she realized that there was no way of avoiding the conversation they were about to have.

She felt her best friend wriggle free from her arms and turn to face her. She couldn't help but get momentarily lost in the ice blue eyes that stared back at her. She felt as if they were boring in to her soul and she couldn't help herself from trying to put her wall back up… she didn't like to feel this vulnerable. She was stopped abruptly when she felt a soft hand on her cheek.

"San, you can tell me anything… I swear. I'm not going to judge you and there is nothing you can say that is going to stop me being your best friend. I'm afraid you're stuck with me whether you like it or not." Despite her nerves that last sentence made her chuckle and she relaxed a little more. _Ok here goes nothing…_

"Britt, I don't even know where to start. I meant what I said last night about letting you in but please understand that this is hard for me… I'm not used to being so open with someone and having them actually care about what I have to say…" she was interrupted by the blonde

"San, I will always care about what you have to say."

"I know B, please let me finish though because if you stop me again I don't think I will have the courage to finish what I want to say…" her best friend just nodded and she took this as a cue to carry on. "I know I have trouble letting people in and I am never open about what I am feeling… the thing is that I'm scared that when I do open up people won't like what they hear and walk away leaving me more alone than before. I may seem like I am always so confident and sure of myself but that's just because I am so good at putting my walls up… the thing I realize now is that I don't even put them up to keep people out, I do it to see who cares enough to break them down. So far no one has even tried… until now, until you… I want to be able to tell you everything and I do trust you with what I have to say so I'm just going to let it all out and hope that you don't walk away like everyone else I care about." She paused to take a deep breath to prepare herself for what she was about to say next and lifted her head to take in the blue eyes that were silently encouraging her to continue. She never lost eye contact as she started speaking again… this time in a much lower voice

"You're my best friend B… you have been for a long time but to me you are much more than that. You are always there for me when I need someone and somehow you are able to make everything go away with one hug. I guess what I am trying to say is that for me this is no longer just a friendship… I love you Britt…" she kept her gaze on the blondes as she watched her best friend digest her words.

"I love you too, S… you know I do." She watched her best friend's face crease in to a small smile.

"No B… you don't understand… I am IN love with you."

"Oh." The smile disappeared from the Brittany's face as she said this and a frown took its place… that familiar feeling of panic was rising up in her throat again and all she could think was _please don't run away… please don't leave when I have just made myself this vulnerable to you._ Her panic was cut short when her best friend leaned in and pressed their lips together in the sweetest kiss she had ever felt, butterflies flew in to her chest and she felt herself lean in to deepen the kiss. Her best friend's lips were right there against hers and then they were gone… She opened her eyes slowly searching her friend's face for reassurance but all she saw was confusion. She started speaking, if only to break the tension that was in the room.

"Please don't leave me, B… not now." She watched the blondes face shift in to a look of sympathy. She waited for her best friend to reply and relief washed over her as she heard the girl she loved so much whisper softly.

"I don't really know what to say, I don't know what to feel. I still have things that I want to say too but for right now I am ok just being here with you… I would never leave you Santana, I couldn't."


	7. Chapter 7: I Just Want You

**I do not own glee or any of the characters… just dreaming out loud. So I've dealt with the confession… so now here is the aftermath. This was a hard chapter to write because I knew in my mind how I wanted Brittany to react. I realise that this fic is really angsty but I am trying to keep things as close to home as I can. If you have any suggestions don't hesitate to let me know by reviewing! ENJOY!**

It's not easy putting your heart on the line, and baring your soul to someone you care for. It's almost as if you've given everything in that moment and you feel there is nothing left to give. In a way it feels good because there is a sense of relief of having unloaded everything but in other ways it's just as terrifying because you are suddenly completely exposed. In baring your soul, you leave yourself wide open for so many things… scrutiny, judgment, love, reciprocated feelings, or no answer at all (as fate would have it, the latter was what she got). She was so grateful that the blonde had not left when she had told her everything but that didn't make it hurt any less when things started to feel awkward and uncomfortable.

The previous night they had sat in silence after she had finished speaking until she had suggested they go to bed so that she could cry silently in to the dark. She had felt Britt place her hand on her shoulder for comfort but this wasn't how it usually was. Even when she wasn't upset, her and Brittany slept tangled up in each other as if protecting one another from the outside world… she couldn't help but think that, even though the blonde hadn't physically walked away, she was distancing herself.

Wednesday Morning:

She woke up to the sound her of her incessant alarm and opened her eyes to an empty bed. Her heart felt like it was going to fall out of her chest and shatter to a thousand pieces. All that was left on the pillow was a couple of blonde strands of hair and a note….

"San, I had to go and get a few things from home before school. Didn't want to wake you so I let myself out… don't worry about picking me up I already said to Q yesterday that I needed a ride this morning. See you at school. Love you xB"

That all too familiar feeling of tears pricked behind her eyes as she read the note and she tried to brush it off as she started getting ready. She spent a good 10 minutes just looking at herself in the mirror trying in vain to convince herself once again that she had done the right thing in telling Brittany. There was a weight that had been lifted but a new, unfamiliar one had taken its place.

She walked in to school and was surprised to find both Brittany and Quinn standing next to her locker waiting for her. Her eyes narrowed as she wondered whether Britt had told Q everything… the three of them had been friends for almost as long as she had been best friends with Brittany. Quinn was the first to speak and it bothered her that there was a note of sympathy in her voice.

"Hey S, how are you? We have AP Bio together first period so Britt suggested that I waited here for you so we could go together."

"Thanks Q, but you didn't have to." she forced a small smile and told herself that she needed to remain completely normal. Britt spoke up next and flashed her a brilliant smile that relieved some of the stress she was feeling.

"Hey S, sorry I had to leave this morning… I realized that I had taken my homework for Thursday instead of Wednesday and if I get written up one more time I fail the class." She sighed in relief at her friend's excuse because that sounded exactly like something she would do. She couldn't help but smile and think _maybe everything IS going to be ok._

"It's ok B, don't sweat it." She smiled and then linked arms with Quinn leaving her best friend standing alone. _Crap I shouldn't have done that… now she's going to know that she hurt me by leaving this morning._

The rest of the day passed, thankfully, uneventfully and she began to relax when she realized that her confession last night had not brought on any unwelcome repercussions. One thing that was different about today was that Brittany and Quinn had remained unusually close to her and she never spent more than a couple of minutes alone before one of the two had come over to stand by her. She didn't mind the company but it was making her uneasy… not only was Brittany being unusually distant and avoiding contact but her and Quinn never spent this much time together in a day. It wasn't until the end of Cheerios practice that she found out what was really going on and her suspicions were confirmed. Britt had left quite abruptly mumbling something about her Dad picking her up and that left her and Quinn alone. It had started snowing pretty heavily and it was starting to settle on the ground as the two girls walked to their cars. It was then that Quinn started speaking; she was speaking in a voice that was quiet and careful as if she was trying to make sure she didn't upset Santana.

"She told me S…" her head snapped up and turned to look at Quinn, she was unable to mask the look of hurt on her face and this visibly made her friend flinch.

"Sh – she told you everything?" her voice was barely louder than a whisper

"Yeh S, she told me what you said. She doesn't know what to think or how to feel about everything… she's really confused at the moment." She couldn't help the tears that sprang to her eyes as she heard the softness and love in her friend's voice.

"I didn't mean to make her uncomfortable Q… she asked me time and time again to let her in… so I eventually gave in and told her everything. I can't lose her…" she couldn't help her voice breaking as she said this and she could tell Quinn was almost lost for words because she had never seen Santana like this.

"You are not going to lose her San, that's why I am talking to you about this now because she asked me if I would talk to you… she had some things that she wanted to say to you too but was too afraid. I was the one who told her she should tell you exactly how SHE was feeling…" despite her tears she looked up and held her friend's eyes steadily.

"Wait, Q. What the hell are you talking about?" her heart was beating unbearably fast in her chest as she waited for an answer. The reply that came out of her friend's mouth seemed to just confuse her even more.

"She has been talking to me about things the last couple of days, you guys weren't talking so I guess she opened up to me about the stuff she was feeling. She admitted to me that she was starting to feel something more than friendship for you… she didn't know what to do about it. Especially since for the last couple of weeks you had been completely distant and everything. And then that thing with Coleman happened and everything just went to pot." She hadn't realized she was holding her breath at this point and turned to look at Quinn in the eye before responding.

"I don't understand… why the hell was she with Coleman if she had feelings for me in the place then… hmm? Explain that to me, Q? And if she really felt that way why didn't she tell me last night when I bared my soul to her and why did she leave so suddenly this morning?" she couldn't help herself from getting angry even though Quinn didn't deserve to be on the other end of that anger. She was just so frustrated… her best friend had pushed her to let her in and she now finds out that she was being kept in the dark about so much… it didn't seem fair. Quinn raised her voice and defended their friend.

"She didn't know how to tell you San, and as for Coleman she was only with him because she wanted to make sure what she felt for you was real… even though she had no real feelings for the guy he used in her a way that was not right. She was so hurt that night… but not because of him… because of you… She saw how you defended her and that made her even more confused because she was so convinced that you didn't feel the same way, what with your history with Puck and all. She was never going to open up to you if you weren't completely honest with her… and then when you were open and honest with her and you told her you were in love with her… Imagine how freaked out that made her … she was only just coming to terms with having feelings for you and resigning herself to the fact that you probably didn't feel the same way and then you spring that on her… I'm not saying that's your fault… you can't help loving who you love but you need to give her time to get her head around all this." She had never heard Quinn speak so compassionately about anything in the entire time she had known her but as soon as the blonde finished she saw the look in her friend's eye and knew she was telling the truth. Her head was reeling… there was no amount of time that could have prepared her for what she just heard. They had eventually reached their cars and she gave a thankful look to Quinn before jumping in to her car and driving off without saying a word… she needed time to process this information.

Wednesday Evening:

She had spent the better part of her afternoon pacing her bedroom floor trying to decide how to handle this situation… one false move could set her and Britt back months. She finally settled on just a simple text.

**To: Britt-Britt 9:41pm: "I talked to Quinn… she told me everything. I get that maybe you don't want to talk about anything right now but I just want to let you know that I am here for you and above anything else I am still your best friend… I love you, Panda. Xx"**

She wasn't expecting a reply so she wasn't entirely disappointed when she didn't get one. She went to bed with the entire conversation she had had with Quinn relaying in her mind on repeat… it had given her an undeniable sense of hope.

Thursday Morning:

She was awoken by her alarm at 6:30am and she reached under her pillow to grab her phone to turn the alarm off only to find 3 messages waiting for her. She scrolled through and saw that there was one from Britt, one from Quinn and another from Puck. She instinctively clicked on the one from Brittany.

**From: Britt-Britt 6:01am: "School's cancelled… Snow day. Look outside…"**

The fact that there were no kisses made her heart sink… regardless of this she leant over to the window by her bed and peered out the curtains only to find that there was a perfect blanket of deep snow covering her back yard. She turned back to her phone and read the text Quinn had sent her… the words on her phone made her smile in a way she hadn't in a while.

From: Quinn 6:17am: "Snow day! Remember that time we spent the entire day trying to make chocolate snow cones only to find that the hot chocolate sauce melted the snow as soon as we poured it on? Will I be seeing you tonight? Xox"

She didn't remember making plans with Quinn tonight but looking at Puck's text cleared that right up for her. Of course he was taking advantage of our 4 day weekend by throwing a party tonight… she knew she was going to show up despite everything. If she didn't turn up to one of Puck's parties she would never hear the end of it… she was supposedly the McKinley party animal after all.

She spent the day just taking time to herself and getting some of the things she had been meaning to do done. She had reluctantly turned off her phone knowing that it would be better if she wasn't distracted from her day of re-connecting with herself.

Thursday Evening:

She had spent hours getting ready and was finally satisfied with how she looked. She heard the doorbell ring and grabbed her clutched and raced out the door turning the alarm on as she went. She climbed in to Quinn's car and they rode together to Puck's in a comfortable silence of understanding that neither wanted to bring up the conversation they had had yesterday. When they arrived, as per usual, the party was in full swing and they wasted no time in making their way over to the drinks counter where they were sure to find the rest of the glee club. She could see immediately that they had all been here for a while because they were all sloppy and giggly.

She immediately relaxed as she felt the first, second and third shot slipped down her throat and she basked in the warm feeling of alcohol in her system. She closed her eyes when she swallowed her 4th tequila shot in succession and was surprised to find a new face in the group of people before her…. Brittany. It was a nice change of scenery to see all the glee club together and enjoying themselves and smiled genuinely when Rachel Berry (the best singer but perhaps the most annoying member of the club) complimented her on her song choice the other day. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket and was confused because all the people she ever texted were right here in front of her…

**From: Britt-Britt 9:12pm: "What happened to the promise? xB"**

She smiled slightly and made her way over to the other end of the table to Brittany. Without saying a word she linked pinkies with her best friend and turned back to the group. Within moments she saw Puck approach the group and she knew exactly what was about to happen. He never acknowledged them unless he had to so it was obvious that he had had a lot to drink. Just as she had guessed within a few moments he had convinced the rest of the glee club to play spin the bottle… this was a regular occurrence for the glee club when Puck got involved.

The first spin was, of course, Puck… he spun it prey hard and laughed quietly when it landed on Quinn (those two had a longer history than even her and Puck)… she looked over to her friend and saw her lean forward slightly and peck his lips which was an obvious sign that she didn't even want to kiss him. With a slight chuckle she watched as Quinn spun the bottle and she felt her breath hitch in her throat when it landed on Brittany. She locked eyes with Quinn and the blonde gave her an apologetic look… she watched Quinn lean in and give Brittany the lightest peck on the lips she could, just had she had done with Puck. Now it was Brittany's turn to spin the bottle… this whole situation gave her an uneasy feeling of déjà vu as she thought back to the night of the "incident" with Coleman. Without letting go of Santana's pinkie her best friend gave her a shy smile and spun the bottle… the disappointment between them was almost palpable when she watched the spin land on Mike Chang… she saw her best friend give her a quick look before leaning in to give the boy a quick kiss… it was so brief that she wasn't even sure if she saw their lips kiss.

There were a couple more rounds of pecks here and there followed by an uncomfortable 'near' make out session between Mike and his girlfriend (and fellow Asian) Tina before the bottle landed on her and she was forced to kiss Puck on the lips… as she spun the bottle she watched and her breath caught in her throat as she saw her spin land on Brittany. She felt Quinn's eyes move towards hers but dared not look for fear of losing her nerve at the thought of kissing the girl she loved for the second time. She turned to the blonde, who was still holding her pinky in hers, and leaned forward… it felt like a lifetime before their lips met. The feeling of the other girl's lips on hers almost made her moan out loud but, thankfully, she managed to suppress it by gripping her best friend's pinky tighter. She felt Brittany lean further in to the kiss and couldn't help but think that their lips fitted so perfectly together. She realized they had been pressed together for a bit too long when she heard someone clear their throat next to her… she didn't even feel embarrassed because the feeling of the other girl's lips on hers was so perfect.

As she pulled back she looked at her best friend and was surprised to find a look of pure lust etched in to the features of the blonde. She felt a slight tug on her hand and before she could figure out what was happening she felt herself being pulled off her chair in the direction of the bathroom and heard the faint sound of Britt excusing them. As soon as they were safely behind closed doors she felt herself being pushed forcefully in to the closed door behind her. She felt the heavy lips on hers and she didn't even try to suppress the moan as she felt the blonde's tongue run over her bottom lip demanding access. She happily obliged and their tongues danced together desperately… she felt hands run up her sides and grip on to her shirt on her stomach… she let out a moan of pure pleasure and brought her hand up to grab the back of her best friend's neck to pull her closer… as if the universe was playing a cruel joke on her she felt the blonde pulled back and release her lips… her heart dropped all the way back to the floor when she heard the words escape her best friend's mouth.

"I - I can't do this, San."

They stood there in complete silence before she felt the anger rise up in her throat… she yanked the door open and stormed out towards the patio… she brushed off Quinn's hands on her shoulder as she passed the Glee club on her way outside. She didn't even know where she was going she just started walking… she stopped dead when she heard the familiar voice behind her…

"Where are you going, San?" she didn't dare turn around for fear of what she might do.

"I don't know… somewhere away from here and all this crap…" she sighed, resigning herself to the fact that she was going to have to talk to this girl whether she liked it or not.

"San, please… Why are you running away again?" she was caught off guard by the question but for some reason it just fueled the anger she felt inside and snapped back.

"I shouldn't have to explain anything to you… you told me to let you all the way in and I did… only to find out you have been hiding stuff from me. You LIED to me! Seriously, what do you want from me Brittany!" she felt the words coming out of her mouth and used her best friend's name for emphasis… but she was too angry to even register the look of hurt on her best friend's face as she said it… she was surprised to find that the answer that came out of her best friend's mouth was full of anger as well…

"What do I want? I want everything… I want things to go back to the way they were before; I want to be able to hold you… I want to kiss you and make all of your problems disappear… I don't even know how you didn't see that before… but what, you ask, do I want from you? I just want YOU Santana. If you knew that, then you wouldn't be running away right now…"


	8. Chapter 8:A Moment Of Truth In Your Lies

**Something finally happened… I want to continue this but I don't know if I should because I don't know if anyone is actually enjoying this. Please let me know in a review or something because I enjoy writing this but I won't continue if it is not that good. Hope everyone who has favorited or reviewed enjoys this. :)**

She wasn't sure how long they had been standing there staring at each other with faces of anger but Brittany turning to leave was what forced her in to action. Without even thinking about what she was doing she put herself in the path between her best friend and the house behind her. She wasn't even thinking rationally she just needed to get some sort of explanation from the blonde. Quinn had told her what Britt had said but she needed to hear it from her best friend's lips. She was still so unsure of herself that she didn't even say anything and the first thing uttered by either of them came from Brittany.

"Santana… please get out of my way. I've said what I wanted to say tonight and apparently you heard the rest from Quinn, who can't keep her stupid mouth shut… So if you would please move I would appreciate it." She flinched at the bite she heard in her friend's voice but was able to keep her composure to reply.

"No Britt, we are going to talk about this NOW. You keep accusing me of running away but that is what you are doing right now. I deserve an explanation from you… I told you I loved you! I put my entire self on the line before you and you rejected it…"

"I didn't…" she didn't even let her friend finish the thought before raising her voice again.

"Yeh you did Brittany… you left me alone the next morning when I specifically asked you not to and now I have to hear from someone else how you are really feeling…. It's not fair for you to play with my emotions like this. YOU kissed ME… twice! That has to mean something…" she couldn't help her voice from breaking at this moment and she thought she saw a flash of sympathy in the blonde's eyes…

"Look I just meant that I only want YOU as my best friend… I want it to be how it used to be before everything got so complicated…" the blonde was rambling trying to cover up the slip of the tongue she had made not 5 minutes earlier and she was sounding less convincing by the minute, "I only kissed you like that because I thought that was what you wanted from me. I'm not like you, ok?" no matter if it was the truth or not those words made her suck in a breath and she felt fresh tears spring to her eyes. She was finding it hard to believe that Brittany was telling the truth because Santana knew she would be lying as if her life depended on it if the roles were reversed.

"And just what the FUCK is that supposed to mean Brittany, hmm? You and I both know that you are spouting a whole load of bullshit right now. You wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss you… I could feel it. And what about what Quinn told me? Are you really going to stand there and deny it to my face?" she waited for her answer and could feel the blood boiling beneath her skin with anger.

"Ok… I did talk to Quinn about all this…" she couldn't help but take advantage of the pause in Britt's sentence to leap back in. The anger she felt was unbearable… they had been so close to everything she wanted.

"FINALLY… a moment of truth amongst all your lies…" she spoke with a biting anger she didn't even know she possessed but she couldn't help but raise her voice and her next sentence was dripping with sarcasm, "I'm glad you respect me enough to give me that small sliver of honesty. As if you haven't already pulled my heart out and stepped all over it." She couldn't help but feel regret as soon as those words left her mouth… she saw the look of complete pain in her best friend's face and wished that she could have just held her tongue right from the beginning and let her walk away… then maybe Brittany would have left everything the way it was and all would have been fine tomorrow. But, no… Santana had to go and fuck up what was already fucked up enough. She mentally kicked herself.

Her best friend stood in front of her with her head hung low and this pulled her heart back down to the floor. She suddenly realized she didn't have any fight left in her and despite the fact that she prided herself in the way that she protected Brittany whenever she could she could see clearly, perhaps for the first time, that the reason the girl was breaking in front of her was because of her. Before she could stop herself she had closed the space between the two of them in three short strides and crashed her lips to the blondes. In that moment she felt as if time stood still and all she could feel was the other girl's lips on hers… she felt arms grip her shoulders and finally push her away slowly but forcefully. She opened her eyes slowly and searched the other girl's face for answers… she was dismayed to find a look of anger.

"No, Santana… I don't want this." With those words hanging between them she watched the girl she loved walk away. She felt the need to say something… anything to fill the silence as the girl left her alone.

"People only lie when they are afraid…" she took comfort in the slight jerk of her best friend's shoulder because this signified her words had been heard.

**Friday Morning:**

Santana rolled over and could taste the stale alcohol on her breath before she could feel the giant boulder running around her head, she checked her phone and saw that it was already 2pm. She didn't remember much after her conversation with Brittany, all she knew was that she had returned the party and power drained every available glass of alcohol within her reach before she returned to the kitchen and took every single shot someone offered her… this was the reason for her splitting headache. What she couldn't figure out was why she felt so terribly alone… she and Britt fell out all the time but they always got over it. Something about this fight seemed different though… maybe her baring her soul was the last thing their friendship needed… maybe she had somehow pushed it beyond repair. She physically shook her head to get rid of the thought and then made a mental not to do that again as it caused the awful ache in her head to intensify. She didn't feel like she was in the right state to go running but she needed something, anything, to do to get her mind of last night. Before she could pull herself out of bed she felt her phone vibrate beneath her pillow and pulled it out praying that it was Brittany… it wasn't. Apparently Puck thought that it would be a good idea to have a three day binge meaning that tonight was part 2. Despite the pounding in her head she had already set herself the challenge that she was going to go tonight… just so she could consume enough alcohol to fill the hole her best friend had left in her stomach.

Santana had spent the day ignoring calls and texts from Quinn that were getting angrier by the minute…Her friend was pissed that she had decided to spill the beans on what she had been told in confidence to Brittany and apparently this meant that Quinn was getting it in the neck from Brittany too.

**Friday Evening:**

She felt strangely refreshed after spending the day cut off from the world and she felt like she was ready to take on anything. This feeling was abruptly stopped when she heard the doorbell ring as she was just finishing getting ready. She opened the door to find the person she was least expecting… Brittany.

"Hey San, can we talk?"

"Um… Sure, Britt…" she KNEW she didn't have nearly enough alcohol in her system right now to deal with the conversation (even though she had been pre-gaming solo for the last hour). She moved back from the door and kept her eyes on the blonde as she crossed the threshold and flopped herself down on the sofa. Her best friend didn't hesitate before saying what she needed to say… she spoke quickly as if the words were burning her as they came out.

"San, I am so sorry about last night. I told you that you could tell me anything and that you didn't have to be afraid and then I went and made it seem like you shouldn't have told me what you did. I guess the intensity of it all was too much for me to handle... but I want you know that I am here now and this time I SWEAR I am not going anywhere. I handled the situation wrong and I deserve everything you said to me last night. You had every right to be angry but I am here now because I want us to get passed this… I miss having you with me all the time… I just want my best friend back. Do you think we can do that?" despite the fact that she still resented everything that went down last night she could never say no to the girl that was sitting in front of her… she was aware that she nodded her head ever so slowly and chuckled softly at the huge smile that broke out across the blonde's face. She watched Britt stand up and move over towards her and felt the familiar arms snake around her waist and pull her in to a tight hug. She breathed deeply at the scent she had missed for the last few days as she laid her head on her best friend's shoulder. When she could trust her voice she spoke quietly but confidently in to the blonde locks that fanned around her face

"It's ok B, I could never stay mad at you for long. We need to stop hurting each other like this. Now let's go get our drink on." She couldn't help her mood lifting as she felt Britt smile back in to her shoulder and give her a soft squeeze. Instead of grabbing her best friend's pinkie like she normally did she held her own finger out and breathed a sigh of relief as she felt the other girl take hold and they headed out towards Britt's car.

They rode in silence to the party but Santana was at ease because the silence wasn't uncomfortable regardless of everything that happened last night. They arrived to find the house pretty much in the state it was in last night, even a few of the same people were passed out on the lawn like they were last night. As they walked in they could see that tonight pretty much everyone who was anyone was here tonight… it wasn't long before she felt the hand leave hers and she lost Brittany in the crowd. Instead of dwelling on this fact she made her way towards the corner where the glee club was sitting. Not wanting to have any drama tonight she walked straight up to Quinn and wrapped her arms around the other girl and whispered her apologies… she pulled away and was pleased to find the other blonde smiling back at her seemingly accepting her apology. She felt the girl lean in to her and heard the laughing voice in her ear.

"I have no choice to forgive you because I think that is the first time you have ever hugged me in public." She felt herself flush red so she turned her face away and hid her face in the large cup she was taking a sip from. In no time at all she felt like she was starting to enjoy herself even though her best friend was nowhere to be found.

The next time she looked up to survey the state of the room she felt something catch her eye in the corner of the room. Brittany was pressed up against the wall talking to some dumb jock who was flirting shamelessly… despite the glorious buzz she felt from the alcohol she couldn't hold in her disappointment at seeing the girl she loved being so free with someone else and felt Quinn squeeze her hand letting her know that she had seen the same thing too. Trying not to let it get to her she joined in a pretty heated game of quarters… surprisingly it didn't take her long to forget what she had just seen and the disappointment she had felt only moments before.

Feeling the effects of the alcohol more than ever after her third game, she stood up and excused herself to go to the bathroom. As she rounded the corner to the downstairs toilet she saw that there was an impossibly long line. She smiled slyly to herself and slipped up the stairs thanking god that she knew Puckerman's house like the back of her hand. She walked along the hall at the top of the stairs and walked in to his room knowing that there was an en suite bathroom in there that would definitely be free. She hadn't even realized that she had been followed until she heard the door slam shut behind her… she spun around and found herself face to face with Brittany. Just like last night she felt her back collide with the closed door and felt the urgent lips on hers. Without hesitating she relaxed in to the kiss even though there were alarm signals going off in her head. She turned her face and reluctantly tore her lips away so she could say something but she was cut short.

"Shhh… please don't say anything San. It will just ruin everything." Her best friend's words were slurred and she knew the other girl was drunk but, selfishly, she didn't stop. Despite the fact that she knew this was wrong and the girl in front of her was surely going to regret this in the morning she leaned in and molded her body to the other girls.

There was nothing about this embrace that was gentle or loving… there was just a sense of forbidden urgency and want. She felt Britt's tongue run along her bottom lip and granted her access. She opened her mouth slightly and felt it being invaded by the warm probing tongue of her best friend… their lips meshed together perfectly and their tongues were both fighting for control over the other. Her breath hitched in her throat as she felt the hands slide over her stomach and grip the front of her shirt like they had done the night before. Her head was spinning at the new and unfamiliar things invaded her senses… as if catching on for the first time since this whole thing started she felt her hips involuntarily cant forward and she even surprised herself when she spun the blonde around so she was now pushed in to the other body. Her thigh came between the other girls and instinctively pressed forward, pushing hard against the blonde's core. Her knees almost gave way when she heard the soft moan escape her best friend's mouth… before things could go any further their bodies spun again and Santana was once again trapped between the door and the other girl's body. She finally realized that the other girl wanted, no, NEEDED, to be in control for this to be ok. She felt the hands on her stomach start to roam and felt the unbearable heat that had pooled between her legs intensify. Her thigh was pulled up to hook around the other girl's waist and it took all she had to keep it there. Brittany's hands were now running along the elastic of her underwear underneath her dress and this was almost too much to handle. She heard herself take in a huge breath when the fingers pushed past the elastic and were now running through her slick folds, she almost felt embarrassed at how wet she was but her brain refused to dwell on this as she relished the feel of the hands on her body. She felt a her head lean back and hit the door and heard a guttural moan leave her lips before she reminded herself that she didn't want to spook the other girl so she threw a free hand over her mouth in order to muffle any sound. Mercifully it seemed the other girl hadn't heard anything and Britt, thankfully, continued the assault on her centre. She could barely hold herself together when she felt two fingers push in to her and curl upwards… the rhythm of the magic fingers continued steadily. She felt as if her body was melting away and that every colour around her was just running in to each other. After one final flick to a spot she didn't even know existed in her body she felt herself falling apart so completely… she was only half aware of Britt's short breaths ghosting her ear and the ice blue eyes staring at her as she let herself go… she gripped harder and harder on to the other girl's neck and feeling herself squeeze the blonde's fingers. She felt a final moan leave her lips as she came back down to earth and felt the blonde move so that their mouths were inches apart and as she felt the fingers pulling out of her she couldn't help twitch and let out a sigh… They stood unmoving for a few seconds panting in to each other's mouths.

She felt Brittany's entire boy tense up after a few seconds and panic flew to her chest. She felt the other girl pull away and the space before her was, once again, empty. Her heart sank when all she heard in the darkness were the soft words,

"Fuck… This was the last thing I wanted…" her heart sank even further when she felt the door being pulled forcefully open behind her and she watched the girl leave out of the corner of her eye… She was left alone again… surrounded by darkness and her own shame.


	9. Chapter 9: I Need You I Need This

**I do not own glee or any of the characters… just dreaming out loud. Thank you for the review of my last chapter… means a lot. So after the last chapter I wasn't sure how I wanted to continue and to be honest was suffering a bit of writer's block but I fortunately am back on track now. Please keep reviewing and favouriting. Here is Chapter 9, ENJOY!**

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><p>The anger she felt when she left that room was unbearable… <em>how could she leave me like this… again. How did I even let her do this to me for the second time… she wanted it to, I know it.<em> She left the party without a glance back and starting walk up the hill towards her house. She was grateful that the night air was cool and relished the breeze rustling through her hair… Puck's house was pretty secluded and this meant that she could be totally alone, glancing back quickly to check she wasn't being followed she took a deep breath and screamed in to the still night air.

"Esto está tan jodido.. Me estás haciendo tan mucho daño y ni siquiera lo sabes… "

The feel of her breath leaving her body with the scream brought her a huge sense of relief and made her almost smile at her little outburst… she wasn't even saying it to anyone in particular it was more like she was searching for comfort within herself. It was almost as if she was trying to convince herself that she was strong and could get through this… this time, however, she would have to do it alone without her best friend next to her to pick her up if she ever fell. It felt like she was just stumbling through life at the moment and without Brittany to anchor her down she was feeling herself become more lost than she had ever been. The sound of footsteps behind her made her almost jump out of her skin, she turned to see who it was preparing herself for any sort of unsavory character that may be approaching her. She was surprised to find Mercedes walking up the path towards her.

"S? Holy shit, where the hell have you been? Quinn and I have been looking for you for over an hour… then Puck said something about you running out the door. You scared the shit out of us… where are you going all alone?" the genuine concern in her friend's voice brought fresh tears to her eyes. _Ugh why am I crying so much lately… I NEVER cry. I swear to god my tear ducts must be broken_

"I'm sorry Cedes, I just needed to get some fresh air and hadn't realized how far I had wandered." She was almost scared that she could now lie to those closest to her so easily. She looked in to the darker girl's eyes and saw that she wasn't fooled.

"Bullshit S, we know you had a fight with Brittany. She came flying down the stairs in tears and said something about it. I have never seen her like this before S… she's completely destroyed. What happened? What did you do?" the questions were innocent enough and she knew that her friend hadn't meant them in a malicious way but the fact that the immediate conclusion everyone jumped to is that somehow it is Santana's fault.

"Why is it that you assume it was something I did? She's just as capable of hurting me as I am her…" she tried to keep the resentment from seeping in to her voice but saw that she had once again she hadn't managed to fool the other girl.

"Come on S…it's BRITTANY, possibly the most harmless person in the world." She couldn't listen to this anymore and interrupted Mercedes

"Yeh, well maybe she is not as harmless as she looks… because SHE hurt ME this time Cedes. Look I'm tired of fighting all the time with everyone. Can't we just leave it for now? Please?"

"OK S, but please don't think you are getting away that easy. You are coming back with me and we are going to talk to Brittany because she keeps asking for you and no one else is allowed anywhere near her…" she felt the anger melt away from her as she heard her friend say this and sighed in defeat as she started making her way back down to Puck's house. Turning her head away from Mercedes she felt her face morph in to a small smile as she felt herself get lost in her thoughts again… different thoughts…. happier thoughts. _She needs me… I am the only one she wants... it may not mean she feels the same way but it's enough for now._

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><p>The party was still in full swing when they arrived back and Santana was surprised to find that it was only 11:30pm… she had been convinced that it was later. People were starting to get really sloppy and there were already a couple of people passed out scattered along the narrow hallway. She heard Brittany before she saw her, they turned the corner in to the guest room and Quinn was seated next to her best friend trying in vain to calm her down. Her heart shattered in to a million pieces when she saw Britt, she was sitting on the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest and she was slowly rocking back and forth. She could see the tears running down her best friend's flushed face and everything that had transpired not 1 hour ago was forgotten as she rushed over and pulled the blonde in to her arms. She could feel the girl relax in her arms and just hugged tighter. She caught the eye of Quinn was relieved when she got the message and pulled Mercedes out of the room with her and closed the door. She turned back to the girl in her arms and whispered softly in to the blonde hair.<p>

"Shh, it's ok B… I'm here. Let it all out, I'm right here." She felt the blonde take in another ragged breath and she swore in all her years she would never forget the next word's that came out of her best friend's mouth.

"I'm so sorry San. I never meant to hurt you… I love you, I do. I feel everything that you are feeling, if not more so. But I'm scared… scared of what all this means. I want to be able to control the way I feel because it is the ONLY thing I am completely sure I have power over… if I let myself give in to the way I feel for you then I am leaving my heart completely open. I just don't want to ever lose you… what if you break my heart or, even worse, I break yours? I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I knew that I was the one who hurt you like that." Was it possible to feel so incredibly happy but unbearably sad at the same time? That was how she was feeling as she heard those words… her heart rejoiced at the admission of love but sank at the confusion and pain that followed. For the first time in her life she was well and truly lost for words. She released the blonde and stood up to find more Kleenex but her best friend took this as a sign that she was leaving, she heard the soft words leave Britt's mouth and it made her stop in her tracks.

"San? Stay with me tonight…" she heard the desperation in the voice behind her and turned around so that she could pour all the love that she felt through her eyes in to the icy blue ones that held her gaze. The blonde was still slurring her words and she was swaying on the bed, Santana knew she was drunk and this could pose a problem for them but she could never say no to the girl sitting in front of her. She didn't trust her voice to speak so she just softly nodded her head and watched as relief washed over her best friend. She walked over and held out her pinky and smiled at the feel of the other one wrapped tightly in hers pulling the girl with her as they went to find Quinn and Mercedes for a ride home.

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><p>They were dropped off in front of her house and she could feel the tension that was between them… she could almost taste it. She couldn't tell if Brittany was regretting what she had said earlier or that she was quiet due to the fact she was still a little drunk. The tension only continued to mount as they dressed and got ready for bed, she made sure to give Britt the shirt she always wore when she was over and couldn't help but smile at the fact that, even after so many washes, it still smelled like coconuts… just like Brittany.<p>

The light was eventually turned off and the girls were lying facing away from each other… each one too afraid to cross the unspoken boundaries that had formed over the course of the evening. She was lying there working up the courage to say something… anything, when the force of her being pulled on to her back made her lose her breath. She felt the hand gripping her shirt just above her shorts and then suddenly felt the blonde's lips on her own. She knew this was a bad idea… she knew that it was something the other girl wanted but somehow didn't at the same time. The lips moving against hers cleared her head of all thoughts and she felt herself pushing her body upwards searching for any kind of contact. Brittany's perfect lips were suddenly pulled from hers and she opened her mouth to protest but stopped when she heard the whispered words in her ears.

"Tell me to stop… please San. Tell me to stop, I can't do it by myself." The words uttered by the beautiful mouth above her was completely contradicted by the gasps and moans that accompanied them.

She refused to lose this moment, she knew it was wrong but she didn't want the girl to stop kissing or touching her. She brought her own hands up and ran them under Brittany's tee-shirt as she felt a soft moan escape her lips. She moved one hand to cup the girl's left breast and softly ran a finger over the stiff nipple, she felt the girl above her gasp and bite down on her bottom lip. Before she knew what she was doing she pushed upwards and flipped Britt on to her back, she brought her leg forwards and pushed it between the blonde's quivering thighs... she felt Brittany buck up to meet her leg and took this as a sign that she should continue. She softly ran her hands down from her breasts to the waist line of the girl's shorts, tracing each defined ab along the way. She reached the waistband of the shorts and before any thoughts could convince her otherwise she pushed her hand underneath and past the other girl's panties, she felt her sharp intake of breath as she ran a finger through the wet folds for the first time and felt the hips beneath buck so forcefully. She didn't want to miss a moment of this and tore her eyes away from where her hand was to look at the face of the girl beneath her, she was awestruck… Brittany's face was a picture of pleasure and confliction. She slowly started moving her fingers, stroking through the wetness to press down on the little bud of nerves. One sentence made her lose all control.

"Please… I need this… I need you." The most perfect words uttered from the most perfect mouth. She moved her fingers so they were over Brittany's entrance unwilling to deny her anymore and slowed slid two fingers in… she felt the blonde arch her back and stopped moving to allow her to get used to the feeling. When she felt the hips start to move she started up a slow rhythm and pulled her fingers all the way out before pushing them in deeper than before. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from the writhing blonde's face beneath hers just look on the other girl's face was turning her on more than she could ever imagine. She moved her hips downwards so that her centre was above Brittany's thigh… she ground down and felt an animalistic moan escape her lips. She momentarily got lost in the feeling she had from that and halted her movements, but the sound of protest that left Brittany's lips brought her back to what she was doing. She started feeling the clenching of muscles around her fingers as she pushed them in and curled them and knew that Brittany was close; she kept her fingers pumping and almost came at the words that left the blonde's mouth in the throes of her pleasure.

"Tell me you love me… please say that you still love me…"

"Tanto te amo que me duele, I love you Brittany… let go now, please baby, just let go… "

With those words she felt the blonde clench a final time around her fingers as she came hard, she could hear the shuddered breaths and moans coming from the girl she loved and with those noises invading her senses she ground her hips down one more time so she could come at the same time. As both girls were coming down from their high she whispered with each breath she could.

"Te amo, te necesito…"

She couldn't even remember falling asleep that night… all she knew was that she couldn't remember a time when she was this happy.

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><p><strong>I'm not that great at writing smut just yet but I hope you all enjoyed it. I've given the translation to all Spanish below:<strong>

**Esto está tan jodido.. ****Me estás haciendo tan mucho daño y ni siquiera lo sabes – This is so fucked up… your hurting me and you don't even know it**

**Tanto te amo que me duele – I love you so much it hurts**

**Te amo, te necesito… - I love you, I need you**


	10. Chapter10:I Don't Know Anything, Anymore

**So I'm sorry to all that it has taken so long for me to update. I usually update every 2 – 3 days but life got in the way this time. I hope you are all still enjoying this story and continue reading it… For this chapter I am going to write a bit of it from Brittany's POV and for the purpose of simplicity any Spanish in this chapter will be written in English because it will be used a lot, let me know what you think. Love it or hate it, let me know ! :)**

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><p><strong>Santana's POV<strong>

You know, sometimes we know we shouldn't do something but that's exactly why we do it… We can't be afraid to go after what we want to do or what we want to be. But then, we can't be afraid to pay the price which can sometimes mean a broken heart.

She was awoken by the bed shifting beneath her and opened her eyes slowly to see Brittany creeping around the room trying to pick up her clothes as quietly as she could. For the umpteenth time that week, her heart sank... she wanted to do or say anything to let her friend know that she NEEDED her to stay and not leave her alone again. Instead she watched quietly as she saw her friend gather everything she needed and tiptoe out of the room in silence… Santana didn't even say a word… she felt like a coward. She somehow felt used or dirty… she had just watched the girl she loved walk out of her room with her shame so blatant and hadn't even had the courage to stop her. She couldn't help the tears that spilled over her eyes when she realized that they hadn't made any progress at all, despite everything that had happened last night. She was still as alone as ever.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV<strong>

As she walked out of Santana's front door in to the cool morning light she was trying to suppress the feeling of regret that was threatening to spill out of her. She knew that what she had just done was going to do some serious damage to her best friend… although Santana never let on; she knew that the Latina had issues with abandonment and what she had just done definitely counted as that.

As soon as she arrived outside she remembered that she hadn't driven last night and realized that she was pretty much stranded, she looked back towards the house and seriously contemplated going back in and asking for a ride home with some lame excuse to get her out at this early hour but she quickly pushed that thought to the back of her mind knowing that the look of pain that would flash across her best friend's face would be too much to handle. She took out her phone and scrolled through the contact list and finally decided that the best person to call was Quinn… it was early but she knew this girl would come and get her. That's what friends were for, right?

She felt like she had been waiting forever and could swear she had seen the curtains in Santana's bedroom twitch a couple of times before Quinn turned up looking a little worse for wear. She jumped in the passenger's seat keeping her eyes trained on the floor in order to ignore the other blonde's questioning eyes. She knew she wasn't going to get off that easy though… they rode in silence for a couple of minutes before the other girl spoke up.

"So… you wanna tell me what happened?" the words were innocent enough but each one felt like a little punch. It took everything she had to reply, trying to keep her voice casual.

"Not much… you know she is the only one who can calm me down when I get like that…" she could feel Quinn's eyes on her almost burning the side of her face and almost sensed the roll of eyes that followed. She wanted to say more but was afraid of what she might say. Quinn wasn't going to let this one go and she knew it.

"So, Santana calmed you down and that was it? You didn't say anything about what's been going on with you? Hell, I don't even know what's going on so I wouldn't be surprised if you don't. Just please tell me you didn't do anything to make this more complicated…" before Brittany could help herself, the tears spilled over and she said the words she hadn't meant to say to anyone, EVER, bubble out of her mouth.

"I slept with her…" an odd sense of calm and relief washed over her once the words left her mouth. Even though she knew that she was going to get hell for it, it, somehow, felt good to get it off her chest.

Before she knew what was happening her hand was flying up to the dashboard to stop herself from hurtling in to it as Quinn slammed on the brakes.

"Fuck! Quinn, what the hell are you doing!" she yelled rubbing her hand from the force of impact.

"You SLEPT with her!" she heard the anger and surprise in the other voice and flinched as the words hit her. She didn't even know how to respond so she just nodded.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Brittany? I mean, I know you're confused and everything, but seriously… didn't you even stop to think about Santana? She told you she LOVED you and you tell her you don't feel the same way and then you go and sleep with her! Oh my god… now she is going to wake up with you gone." She chanced a look over at her friend and saw her head in her hands… she didn't realise she felt this bad until now. _Fuck, what have I done…?_

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><p><strong>Santana's POV<strong>

People will forget what you have said, they will forget what you have done, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

She was sure that this feeling she had now was one that she would remember for the rest of her life. The feeling of absolute heartbreak was so undeniably painful that it was even starting to feel like a physical pain. Her chest was tight and it was almost as if she couldn't take in enough air to feel like she was really breathing. How could the girl that had promised never to leave or abandon her break that promise… Again? Whoever said that it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all was a complete fool.

She felt mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted and slept away all the pain she was feeling hoping to wake up Monday morning with this all behind her. She knew this wasn't possible but she was willing to try anything to lose this feeling of hopelessness. She switched her phone off, shut all the blinds in her room and fell in to bed cocooning herself in the covers.

Somewhere in the throes of her depression she became aware that someone was relentlessly and loudly banging on her door downstairs. Regretting getting up almost as soon as she had she reluctantly moved down to answer the door praying with each step she took that it wasn't Brittany coming back to trample her heart some more… she may be strong but even she had reached her limit for pain.

She was surprised to find Quinn at her door looking harassed and even a little bit angry.

"Santana! Oh my god… are you ok? Where the hell have you been? I have been trying to get a hold of you since Saturday morning! Don't you ever do this to me again! Do you have any idea how worried I am?" she stumbled backwards as the blonde threw herself forward and caught her in a bone crunching hug. The warmth and compassion coming from the other girl slowly started to work away at the edges of the numbness she felt. When she replied to the girl, her voice came out raspy and hoarse, it gave away just how broken she was feeling.

"I'm sorry Quinn, I really wasn't in the mood for anything let alone company."

"S… Brittany told me what happened the other night." She raised her head in shock and caught the other blonde's sympathetic eyes; she could feel the anger rising up in her.

"Shit… can she never keep her mouth shut about anything!" she was saying the more to herself than to Quinn but it seemed to just sit between them as she felt the other girl try and find the words to respond. After an uncomfortable silence she felt tears spring to her eyes. _For fuck's sake… can I not go an entire day without crying now! What the hell is happening to me… snap out of it Santana, this isn't you._ She wiped a stray tear off her cheek and hardened her eyes… apparently she did this a little too late and caught the look of pity on her friend's face. _Great… the last thing I need is pity._

"S… I am so sorry. I was the one who told her to tell you about her feelings but –" she couldn't help but cut in with a snide remark

"Yeh, and look how good that turned out." Quinn didn't even flinch and just carried on what she had been saying.

"I never thought she would take it this far. She didn't mean to hurt you, you know that as well as I do, S… she's just confused." The sentence just seemed to fade off at the end and she took that as her cue to talk, she wasn't meaning to take it out on Quinn but all her pent up anger and hurt just surged out of her.

"And you don't think I am confused? Hmm? You don't think that I am just as afraid of my feelings as she is? The difference between me and her is that I am not too much of a coward to face and admit to them." Somewhere in the middle of her tirade she lost all resolve and the anger just disappeared leaving hurt and confusion.

"Just tell me why she won't love me back, Q? Am I not good enough?" that was when her voice finally broke and tears streamed down her face. This time, however, she didn't even bother stopping them. She felt the girl in front of her move in for a hug; this time enveloping her in a hug so perfect that it conveyed all the emotions felt between them… support, love, understanding, sympathy, pain... She muffled a sob in her friend's shoulder as she heard Quinn's soft voice whisper in to her hair.

"S… of course you are good enough. Please don't ever let yourself think that you are not. She does love you, trust me… she just doesn't know how to deal with these feelings yet. I hate seeing you like this; it's painful for me to see you losing yourself… you have lost who you are, S… through loving Brittany TOO much you've forgotten that you are special too. Please believe me when I sat that…" those words were so perfect she didn't want to ruin them by replying.

For the first time ever, she let herself be vulnerable with another person. Quinn held her until she finally stopped crying and then left but not before saying two words that conveyed everything she needed Santana to know.

"I'm here…" she didn't need to reply… there were no words left to say.

Finally feeling more at peace than she had in a long while she let herself feel hope… hope that she could and WOULD get through this. She fell in to a dream less sleep that night.

**Monday Morning**

She woke up to the sun streaming through her curtains and a headache that was caused by her hours of crying the day before. Knowing that she would have to walk in to school and be in the same proximity as Brittany brought back all her nerves and fear. Trying her best to shake off any uncertainty she was feeling she let her body wake up slowly and set about her morning routine.

Only once she had arrived in the school parking lot did she take out her phone and switch it on. She watched the screen light up and watched as it booted up… as soon as her signal kicked in the phone started vibrating non-stop indicating that she was receiving text messages. She almost didn't want to look. 21 missed calls and 13 texts from Quinn, 19 missed calls and 4 texts from Mercedes and 2 texts from Puck… not a single thing from Brittany. It almost hurt how unsurprised she was. She took a deep breath and gave herself a mental pep-talk before walking towards the front doors; she knew that the feeling of uneasiness in the pit of her stomach wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

She froze when she walked in to the hall and saw a blonde girl standing next to her locker but immediately breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that it was just Quinn, an odd sensation washed over her when she saw it wasn't her best friend… it wasn't disappointment but it wasn't relief either.

Thankfully she managed to go the whole day avoiding any and all contact with Brittany, this may have been due to Quinn's near constant presence at her side the entire day but she knew deep down it was because Britt knew that this time she had done something that couldn't be undone with a simple 'sorry'. Santana decided to skip glee club that afternoon (so as not to have to be in such close proximity with her best friend) and instead decided to drive out to see her Abuela.

Her grandmother was probably one of the only constants in her life, she was a woman that could truly be relied on. She knew she took this for granted sometimes but her Abuela never made her feel bad.

When she pulled in to the driveway of the familiar house she felt a smile creep on to her face as she watched the old woman meticulously pick weeds from her rose bed at the front door. She sat for a moment, reveling in the normalcy of all this before exiting the car and turning to face the beaming woman.

"Santanita! It so good to see you again, angel. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Hi Abuela. No reason for the stopover… just felt like visiting. Mom and Dad are away again so I thought I'd come and see you." She couldn't help but smile at her grandmother as she said this.

"That's very sweet of you, my love. Come in, we'll have some iced tea and you can tell me everything that has been going on since your last visit." She let herself be led in to the house and let the scent of her childhood wash over her as they made their way in to the living room. They spent the next hour talking about trivial things and made small talk about her day to day life. Her grandmother was the type of person who, no matter what you were talking about, would genuinely listen and be interested.

They fell in to a comfortable silence after a while and just enjoyed each other's company, when she looked up again she found her Abuela's eyes on her and she shifted awkwardly under the intense gaze. The silence was broken by her grandmother's soft voice.

"There is so much sadness behind your eyes, mija." It was more a statement than of a question and she appreciated the fact that her grandmother was never one to pry.

"I AM sad Abuela, but I have talked about it too much over the last couple of days. I'm so tired of it and feeling like this. Can you just come and hold me?" she was surprised to find that, for once, she wasn't melting in to tears as she thought about the past week's events.

"Oh mi amor, you didn't even need to ask." She felt herself being hugged and breathed in the familiar scent of her grandmother. She could feel her whole body relax in to the embrace and just let all her thoughts melt away. They sat like this for a while and when they broke apart she saw such love pouring out her grandmother's eyes it made her catch her breath. This is what family is supposed to be like, it should never be about approval or forced like it was with her parents… it should be easy.

As she drove away from her grandmother's house she became lost in her thoughts again and before she knew it she was driving down Brittany's street. As she passed the Pierce house, despite herself, she glanced up to Britt's window and saw no light on. She sped up down the street so as not to accidently run in to Brittany and headed home. As she turned in to her driveway she could see a lone figure hunched over on her doorstep… as her headlights swept over the porch she could see the familiar blonde hair of her best friend on the bowed head and she swore that her heart actually stopped beating. _Fuck… please not now. I can't do this again…_ Despite the inner turmoil she was feeling as she climbed the steps she knew there was no way she could ignore the girl just a few feet ahead of her. She watched as the head came up and blue eyes caught brown, her eyes scanned the face before her and she could see that Britt had been crying. She let out an exasperated sigh and sat herself down a safe distance away.

"What do you want, Brittany? Why are you here?" _Haven't you hurt me enough?_ She left the last part and even though she wanted to be angry she just sounded resigned.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV<strong>

As she looked in to the brunette's face she lost the whole speech that she had been running through her head. _Shit… she looks so broken. I did this, I broke her._ She took a deep breath and started speaking.

"I need to fix this… US. I need to know if we can come back from this." She felt her voice break from the words and the silence that fell over them was agonizing… she could feel her heart beating a mile a minute… but the next words she heard were enough for her heart to break in to a million little pieces.

"I don't know if you can, Brittany. I don't know how we can get back to where we were from this… I- I just… I don't know anything, anymore."

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you all enjoyed it. If there are any suggestions you have please feel free to tell me… any feedback is appreciated. :)**


	11. Chapter 11: I Wish I Was Strong Enough

**So here is Chapter 11... I was getting kind of tired with chapters full of angst and nothing else so I am trying to lighten it up a bit... I'm not an angsty person by nature so here you go. I hope you are still liking it and please feel free to leave any comments :) because they make me very happy. ENJOY**

**Santana's POV**

She was bitter… broken even, but doing her damndest to harden her eyes so that Brittany wouldn't be able to see the extent of the pain she was feeling. Even the thoughts running through her head were bitter and while she was standing facing the girl that had, so recently, crushed her heart all she could think was. _What is love, really? People search for it and convince themselves that it is what they need in their lives. Why search for it? Most of the time it's not even worth it. It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses so that nothing can hurt you… Then one person, no different from any other person, comes along and wanders in to your life…You give them a piece of you even though they didn't ask for it because they did something stupid one day like smile at you or kiss you… and then your life isn't your own anymore. _The silence between them was excruciating… she wanted to shake the girl in front of her and ask her what she wanted… ask her why she was the one that kept getting hurt. She just wanted to know why.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV<strong>

She was expecting anger or shouting but the girl standing before her was just guarded and shattered, she had never seen her best friend like this and she knew it was her fault. Her best friend's previous words were ringing in her ears _I don't know anything, anymore._

She didn't even know where to begin with her apologies or how she could fix what SHE had broken. She was wringing her hands in her lap and was willing herself to look up in to the face of her best friend. When she finally mustered up enough courage to catch the chocolate eyes above her, the heavy feeling in her chest seemed to tighten. The Latina's eyes were empty and cold but she knew better… behind the frosty exterior was a girl in so much pain it was almost uncomfortable to look at.

"I am so sorry about everything Tana… I NEVER meant to hurt you. I thought I knew what I wanted and I acted so selfishly. Please believe me that I will do ANYTHING to make this right. Please…" her voice trailed off and she didn't know what else to say. She had come here with an entire speech prepared and she thought she knew what she wanted to say to her best friend but the girl's demeanor was unnerving, to say the least.

"I don't know that sorry is enough this time Brittany…" her best friend's voice was resigned and she felt herself wince as she heard Santana use her full name… she NEVER did that. _What if I can't fix this? What if I really have lost her?_

"I know Tana… it's not much, I know, but it's all I have. I don't know what I can do to make you see that I want to make this right… I just want my best friend back, I NEED her back." She held her breath as she willed herself not to cry… she had no right to be hurt or to cry in front of Santana. She saw the look on the girl's face soften ever so slightly and thought she saw the twitch of a hand… almost as if it wanted to reach out to her. A lone tear brimmed over her right eye and she lifted her hand slowly to brush it away, she froze when she felt the Santana's thumb get here first and gently wipe it off her cheek.

"I know you're sorry, Brittany. I just - I need some time… I think it's best if we give each other some space for a while, ok? I can't get hurt again… I don't think I would be able to pick myself up the next time." She swore she heard the brunette's voice break.

"There won't be a next time Tana… I swear. I can't bear to see you hurting and it's even worse this time because I caused it. Please tell me we'll be ok?" Her tears were flowing freely now and she wasn't even trying to hide it.

"I just need some time, B." she breathed a sigh of relief when she heard her friend use the nickname but wasn't reassured because Santana had not told her everything was going to be ok.

She resigned herself to the fact that there was nothing more she could do now until Santana was ready… she stood up slowly and started to walk away. She heard a choked sob leave the other girl's lips and fought the urge she had to envelope Santana in a hug and just try to take some of the pain away. She turned once more at the end of the driveway to watch the other girl unlock the door and enter the silent and dark house. She knew that her friend probably felt more alone than ever but she felt helpless because she couldn't help Santana ease away some of the loneliness.

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><p><strong>Santana's POV<strong>

**Tuesday Morning**

She woke up in the morning feeling better than she had done in a while; she had slept soundly and had a dream that everything was right between her and Brittany again. She kept her eyes closed and reveled in her rested state, but as she shifted in her bed to stretch out her limbs she froze, she became aware that there was a body tightly molded to her left side with an arm slung across her waist. She knew exactly who it was as the familiar smell invaded her senses, she wondered how she had slept through her best friend crawling in to her bed in the dead of night. Despite everything she said yesterday she really didn't want space from the girl… she just felt that, for her own sanity, it was the right thing to do.

With the sleeping blonde next to her it felt, for a fleeting moment, as if everything was back to normal and that neither of them had hurt the other. It's funny how things can be going so well for so long and then within the space of a few days come crashing down around you. She shook herself slightly refusing to dwell on it much longer for fear of the sadness returning. She felt the blonde shift against her side and let out a whimper so desperate that it made her heart ache and she subconsciously pulled the girl closer, her breath catching as she felt Brittany twist her fingers in to the front of her shirt. She had been a fool to think she could stay away from this girl… when they were apart what she was doing wasn't living… it was merely existing.

She felt the girl stir again and knew the blonde was waking up because her breathing was no longer deep and even. She looked down at her best friend and waited for the baby blues to meet her brown. Brittany finally looked up at her with heavy eyes and then shock flew across the perfect face. She checked the clock and was glad to see they didn't have to get up for school for at least another hour… that gave them time to talk. Somewhere in her peaceful slumber she had found it within herself to forgive the girl…

"Oh my god… I am so sorry. I know you told me to stay away, Tana, I just really needed to see you. I set my alarm so I could sneak back out but it must not have gone off. I just needed to be near you." She could hear her friend's voice rising up in panic and she almost laughed at how quickly the other girl and worked herself up in to a frenzy.

"Shh it's ok, B. I'm not mad. I'm – uh – I'm glad you're here. I was stupid to think either of us could last staying away from each other." She watched as confusion swept across the blondes face followed by relief. "I am, before anything else, your best friend and I will ALWAYS be here for you." She whispered as she brushed a strand of hair off Britt's face.

"I'm sorry, Tana. For everything…" she cut the blonde off because there had been enough apologies this week to last her a lifetime.

"Stop apologizing, B. What's done is done. I really don't want to talk about it anymore, ok?"

"Ok… But I am really sorry."

"I know, Britt." They fell in to a semi-comfortable silence and she smiled to herself as she realised things were actually going to be ok. It may not be her ideal scenario but it was better than fighting. Her attention was brought back to the girl lying next to her as she felt the blonde nuzzle in to her neck brushing over her pulse point, pressing her body closer and hugging her waist tighter.

"Mmm, how is it that you still smell so amazing even after you have just woken up, Tana." Her breath caught in her throat. _No, no, no! This is not going to happen again._

"Britt, don't. We need to set some new boundaries." She kept her voice calm not wanting to upset the girl.

"Why? I hate boundaries. I already told you this was my favourite place. And we always cuddle."

"I know, B. But, considering everything that has happened in the last week, I think we should." She felt the blonde sigh but reassured her with a tight squeeze. "I just don't think I can stand having you this close, saying these things to me. Ok?"

"Fine! Can we still hold pinkies?" she smiled down at the girl and almost laughed at the unfamiliar shyness in her voice.

"Of course! That's our thing, B."

"Ok… then I guess this boundaries thing isn't the worst idea in the world."

When the alarm finally went off the girls reluctantly dragged themselves out of bed. They moved in sync as they set about their own morning routines… they had done this so many times before and it was almost as if nothing had changed.

As she walked in to school with her pinky tightly locked with Brittany's she was surprised to find Quinn waiting at her locker. She watched the other blonde raise her eyebrows as her eyes roamed over her and Brittany's hands locked together.

"So I – um – I guess you guys worked things out." The tone of the shorter blonde's voice was unreadable and she felt herself shift uncomfortably under the other girl's scrutiny. Britt didn't seem to notice and replied enthusiastically.

"Yeh, we talked through some stuff and things are a little better now." She couldn't help but smile as she looked up in to Brittany's beaming face.

"Yeh, I guess things are a little better." She saw Quinn's eyebrow lift even further up her forehead and she cleared her throat and dropped her eyes. Brittany dropped her pinky and gave both girls a kiss on the cheek before bouncing off to first period, leaving her and Quinn alone. She was dreading first period as she had a free with Quinn and knew that there were plenty more questions coming her way.

"I don't understand you, S. What happened to everything you told me the other day? I am not saying that you should stay mad at her forever but you can't seriously have already forgiven her?" she knew she owed her friend an explanation but she didn't know where to start… so she just told her the simple truth.

"I haven't forgiven her, Quinn. But staying mad at her and trying to stay away from her is exhausting. I love her and I need to be around her." In her head it sounded like a good explanation but when she caught the look of confusion on the other girl's face she knew she mustn't have said it right.

"But, S… I saw how broken you were the other day… it broke my heart. I love Brittany, I do, but I don't want to see her hurt you like that again…" she stopped to turn and face the girl and waited for the hazel eyes to meet hers before replying.

"Look, I know that she did a bad thing… but that doesn't mean she is a bad person. When I saw how cut up she was about what she had done I knew I had to forgive her. No matter what she has done to me, I refuse to be the cause of any sort of pain that girl feels." She looked up and saw that her friend still wasn't convinced so she took a deep breath and carried on. "Look I know you are trying to help me, Q, and that you are just looking out for me… I love you for that but, ultimately I decide what I should or shouldn't do."

"Just please promise me you'll be careful, S."

"I promise. Everyone makes mistakes, Quinn… you know that as well as I do."

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><p><strong>Tuesday Evening<strong>

After the incident with Quinn that morning the day had passed by in a haze and Brittany had spent almost the whole day practically attached to her hip. After cheerios practice Britt had said she needed to go home first and would be around later. She had smiled at this because it was just like how it used to be… the blonde seemed to always just invite herself around.

She arrived home and immediately drew herself a nice bubble bath to soothe her aches and pains after practice. She dimmed the lights and put on her Adele album and then lowered herself in to the scorching water letting it relieve the tightness of her muscles. She was so relaxed that she hadn't even heard Brittany enter the house let alone the bathroom. She almost drowned when she heard the blonde speak from within the room.

"How much longer you gonna be, Tana? I want to watch Mulan."

"Shit, B. You scared me! How long have you been sitting there?" her heart was still thundering in her chest and threatened to burst right out of her chest at the blonde's next words.

"A while… I was just watching you. You looked so peaceful so I didn't want to bug you." God she loved the sweet smile that played across Brittany's lips as she said this. But they had set boundaries for a reason and she needed to make sure the blonde understood this.

"Britt, we have boundaries. You are definitely crossing one of them right now." She made sure that her tone of voice had an edge of warning to it so that her best friend would know she was serious.

"But… I'm not touching you, Tana." She saw the look of confusion on the other girl's face and she knew she had to be clearer.

"I know… but watching is pretty much the same thing. Friends don't do this, B."

"But I always used to sit here while you were in the bath." A small pout formed on the blonde's lips and she forced herself to look away so she wouldn't give in.

"Things are different now though." She kept her head down because she knew the look of dejection on her friends face would change her mind. "I'll be out in 2 minutes… why don't you go put in Mulan and we can have a cuddle." This seemed to bring the blonde out of her sulk and she smiled as the girl jumped up and ran out of the room.

By the time she had dried off and put on her pajamas Brittany had already arranged the bed so that they could cuddle and watch at the same time. She made her way over to the bed and lay down only to have her best friend immediately mold in to her side throwing an arm haplessly over her midriff. She took a deep breath and pulled the blonde closer to her inhaling her scent at the same time. Just the smell alone was enough to send a little tingle down to her centre. Luckily once the movie started her attention was no longer on the subtle throb between her legs… that was until Brittany, once again, twisted her fingers in to the front of Santana's shirt. She had never noticed it before but every time they hugged or were cuddling in bed Brittany would wrap her fingers in whatever shirt Santana was wearing that day.

"B?"

"Mmhm?"

"Why do you do that?" her voice came out barely louder than a whisper.

"Why do I do what?"

"Wrap your fingers in my shirt like that?"

"Oh… I guess so that, unless I let go, you can't disappear." Her best friend's tone of voice made it sound like it was the most normal thing in the world. She swore she just felt herself fall a little more in love with Brittany.

Once the movie ended she realized just how tired she had been and thankful that Britt seemed to be just as exhausted they turned out the light and got in to bed. They always slept tangled up in each other and tonight was no different. Brittany was pressed tightly against her back with an arm around her waist and she had moved her hand down to entwine her fingers with the blondes that lay on her stomach.

"Night, B." she stifled a yawn

"Night, Tana. I love you."

"Me too B."

She listened to the sound of Britt's breathing even out and felt her eyes flutter closed. She didn't know whether it was reality or a dream but she swore she heard Brittany whisper one last thing in to the darkness.

"I wish I was strong enough to deserve you."

**A/N: Let me know if you have any suggestions or if there is something that you think I should put in.**


	12. Chapter 12: Colours Seem To Fade

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters... just dreaming out loud. Let me know what you think. ENJOY :)**

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><p>At times the whirlwind that is life becomes a little too much for some people… the clear lines that once mapped out the rest of your life can blur in an instant and suddenly you feel like you don't even know yourself anymore.<p>

Santana knew that she didn't choose to fall in love with a girl, nor did she expect it to be her best friend. The same friend that loves her but not in the way she CRAVED to be loved, touches her but not in the way she NEEDS to be touched. If ever there was a perfect example of one of life's cruel jokes… this was it.

Meeting her was fate, becoming her friend was a choice but Santana had absolutely no control over falling in love with her…

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><p><strong>Wednesday Morning:<strong>

**Santana's POV:**

She had woken to find it still dark outside and cursed herself for still not being able to get a good night's sleep. She just wished there was a way to turn off all her thoughts and allow herself a little peace for once. It didn't help that the last words Brittany had said were still ringing clear through her sleep induced haze. She turned to cuddle further in to the blondes back only to find the other side of the bed empty. _Fuck… after everything she said yesterday she still has the nerve to leave in the middle of the night..._

Just as the angry thoughts were running through her head she saw a sliver of light spill across the carpet as the bathroom door opened and closed in front of her and Brittany padded softly across the carpet. She didn't want the blonde to know she had worked herself in to a panic so she feigned sleep. She felt the bed dip beneath her back and the cool air hit her legs as Britt pulled up the blankets and slid under, the smell of her best friend, even in the dead of night, was intoxicating. She remained completely still as she felt a breath ghost over her face and chanced peeking sideways through her tightly shut eyes to see her best friend's face inches from hers… she didn't dare move and just settled back down in to her pillow praying that sleep find her. She may have been dreaming already but she felt a soft finger start to trace lines across her face and it was all she could do to keep her body relaxed to keep up the charade of her slumber. It took every ounce of willpower she had in her body not to move when she suddenly felt the unmistakable touch of lips to her forehead, then her cheek and then, if it was possible, an even softer touch to her lips.

A familiar arm snaked over her stomach and came to rest at her hip tracing light circles over her t-shirt and she heard the labored breathing of the girl in next to her… her head was spinning and began to cloud over with confusion. _Is she crying? Should I comfort her?_ Her confusion only grew with the mounting speed of the blondes breathing. She felt the girl shift next to her and push even further in to her side, rolling her hips so that they were pressed tightly to her thigh. It was then that the realization of what was happening hit her like a freight train…

Brittany's movements started slow at first with a roll of her hips every couple of seconds, the circles being burned in to her hip by the girl's hands keeping time. After a while the thrusting became more frantic and it was all she could do not to respond so as not to spook the girl. She could feel the heat pooling between her thighs and subtly pressed her thighs together to ease some of the discomfort. The ragged breathing in her ear began to get even more desperate as her best friends centre jutted ever more forcefully in to her side…

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

She couldn't even help herself as she shamefully rocked her core in to her best friend's side… it just felt so good. It was almost dirty the way she was dry humping her sleeping friend, her eyes trained on the other girl's face as she slept peacefully. Every single movement felt better than the last and sent shivers right to the tips of her fingers, it was all she could do to keep from making a sound and was pretty sure she had drawn blood on her bottom lip from biting it so forcefully.

As she became more turned on her gyrations became careless and at this point she didn't even care if the girl next to her woke up… all that was running through her mind was the memory of the brunette's hand running through her hair and down her body, touching her where she really needed it. She could almost taste Santana's lips on hers and this just spurred her movements even more.

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><p><strong>Santana's POV:<strong>

There was a final push in to her hips and then the girl next to her tensed and stopped breathing as her back arched and she could feel the blonde's breasts press in to her shoulder and shivered at the feel of hardened nipples pressing in to her skin. The release of the breath the blonde had been holding ghosted over her face and with it came a single word that made her heart sing… her name. Her thoughts were jumbled from arousal but the same sentence was repeating over and over again in her head… S_he said my name._ The girl lay spent and panting next to her and she mentally patted herself on the back for keeping her resolve and not giving in to the burning desire she was feeling.

The only sound in the room for a long time was Brittany's harsh breathing and with a sudden shudder it came to a stop but was immediately followed by a soft weeping… it was the sound of regret, pain and a whole range of emotions that she couldn't even hope to understand. She felt the blonde nuzzle her neck and could feel the wet tears running down the other girl's cheek and in to her shoulder. She had to do something, anything, to take away the pain the girl she loved was feeling. Turning ever so slightly she pretended to shift in her sleep and wrapped the blonde in her arms, breathing deeply and keeping up the pretence that she was none the wiser of what has just happened. They lay for a while with Britt crying in to her shirt with her hand's twisted round the back of her shirt.

"I love you so much it hurts." Were the words Brittany whispered in to the still air and with one final shuddered breath she felt the girl in her arms relax and eventually drift of in to an exhausted sleep.

There was no mention of the incident when they awoke the next time to get ready for school. Brittany was unaware that she had witnessed the desperate act of passion that had occurred mere hours before and this brought her some comfort as it meant there would be no discomfort or, worse, confrontation.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

It was hard to face Santana the next morning and she couldn't help but keep her distance from her best friend, her shame taking her over completely. She was sure that every time she turned her head, she could feel Santana's eyes on her but shook it off as just her paranoid mind playing tricks on her. She knew she needed to speak to Quinn as soon as possible because the thoughts going through her head were becoming more and more confused as each minute passed and she definitely needed someone to help her sort through them. She was brought back down to earth by the feel of Santana's pinkie in hers leading her out the door for school and couldn't help but smile at the trivial but meaningful touch.

"Did you sleep ok, B?" she knew the question was innocent enough but couldn't help her whole body tensing as her mind drifted back to her actions the previous night. Before she could stop it she felt a blush creep up her neck and settle on her cheeks. _Thank god she's driving and can't look at me._

"Yeh I slept ok, you?" her voice sounded surprisingly even and she breathed a deep sigh of relief.

"Yeh I slept really well, actually. Except I had this really weird dream…" her heart flew in to her mouth as she heard this and felt the slight tightening of the other girl's pinkie in hers. She decided not to respond and just let Santana continue. "I was being chased by these people, only they weren't really people… they had, like, duck heads or some weird shit like that." She heard the girl next to her chuckle and watched as she shook her head making her pony tail swish against the headrest. She smiled and laughed along with the brunette which made it easier to hide her embarrassment at having jumped to conclusions. For the first time in weeks it felt like their friendship was back on track and the ride to school was calm despite the running replay of what had happened last night in her mind.

When her and Santana parted ways before first period she was actually surprised to feel as if she had just let go of a part of her and, as it was a Wednesday, she knew she wouldn't be seeing Santana at all today until glee club. She could actually taste her disappointment… but, instead of dwelling on it she set off to find Quinn as they had a free period together. She saw the shorter blonde standing by the fire doors at the end of the hall and rushed to catch up with her.

"Q! Wait up…" she watched the other girl turn and saw then saw the small smile. She reached the Quinn and pulled her in for a hug. She knew that this was the one person she could talk to about what happened last night and not be judged.

"What's up, B?"

"Nothing much, Q… I kinda need to talk to you though." She was starting to doubt whether she wanted to tell anyone… speaking it out loud somehow made it seem more real and, if it was even possible, more sordid.

"Ok, we can go to the choir room if you want. I need to work on this week's glee assignment anyway." She saw Quinn quirk up an eyebrow as if she knew what was coming.

The assignment for the week was "Secrets", it didn't mean that you had to reveal your secrets to the rest of the club it just meant you had to address them to yourself through song. None of our assignments were ever about exposing ourselves to one another, they were more about personal growth and that is what made glee club so great. Quinn was singing a song by "The Calling" and although she didn't say what she was thinking about it was never hard to tell what was going on behind those eyes. As she watched Quinn perform she was secretly building up the courage to say what she wanted to say and to make sure she knew what she wanted to say to Quinn once the barrage of questions hit her after the admission.

"Wow that was really good, Quinn. Are you ok?" she could see the glistening of tears in the other girls eyes and decided that maybe she needed to talk too.

"Yeh… I'm ok, B. Thanks though." She watched Quinn inhale deeply and dab at her eyes with a tissue before sitting down next to her. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" she felt Quinn's eyes on her face as the other girl turned towards her and she almost lost her nerve. She started to talk but Quinn beat her to it.

"Oh god… did something happen last night? Jesus, Britt… I told you not to do that anymore until you were sure what you wanted."

"No, Q… nothing like that. If you would just let me speak I'll tell you what happened. And as for the other thing you know that I would never do anything intentionally to hurt her." She was interrupted by a scoff from Quinn and this just made her angry, which was difficult to do.

"Ugh, fine. You know what? I don't even want to talk about this with you anymore if you're going to be judgmental about it, Q." she got up to leave but decided against it when Quinn spoke up again.

"No, wait. Come on I'm sorry… please stay? Tell me what happened, I won't judge you. It's just… you didn't see her that day, B. I have never been more scared in my entire life… I had never seen ANYONE that vulnerable let alone Santana… she's supposed to be the strong one of us 3. She always has it together and to see her that broken was really disturbing." She moved back towards the shorter blonde and sat down next to her again. She knew that Quinn was a good friend to both her and Santana and knew where she was coming from.

"I know I hurt her, Q. I am trying to make up for it now. But I think I may have done something last night that is going to make everything worse in the long run… not just for me but for Santana as well." This time Quinn wisely kept her mouth shut and just nodded to urge Brittany to carry on. "I don't know what happened… Yesterday, we talked about everything that had happened in the last few weeks and everything felt better… but then she started talking about boundaries and rules and shit and something inside me just snapped." She took a deep breath and willed herself to push through the story so that the weight could be lifted off her shoulders.

"What happened, B?" Quinn's voice was barely above a whisper and she had a look of concern in her eyes.

"You know that feeling when you want something even worse because suddenly you can't have it?" Quinn just nodded and so she continued. "Well I guess that's kinda what happened to me… I just couldn't help myself. So when she was asleep…" she turned to look at Quinn and saw her wide eyes and slack jaw and realized immediately how that sounded. "No, Shit. Fuck, that came out wrong. I didn't touch HER, Quinn." She was relieved to see the understanding reach the other girls face and began to speak again but was cut off.

"Ok, I think I get it… I don't need to hear the gory details. To be honest, that is really kinda gross and sad. If you want her that much why don't you just tell her… surely it's a hell of a lot easier than being frustrated all the time." The smaller blonde shook her head as if trying to shake the image Britt had just painted from her mind.

"I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless to my feelings. I want her and I love her… I just don't know if I can be with her."

"Brittany, how do you know any of that unless you try?"

"I don't think it works like that, Quinn. This is not how I pictured my life going, I mean up until recently I thought I knew what I wanted… I saw where I wanted to go with my dancing, I saw the kind of guy I would marry and where we would live with our kids and cats… being in love with a girl changes all of that… it makes it so much harder. I love Santana, I do, but I also don't want to hurt her again… I CAN'T hurt her again."

"Britt… all of the stuff you said doesn't have to change. You can have all that… with Santana. Maybe not in Ohio, or right now but eventually you will be able to have all that." She felt Quinn place a hand on her knee and immediately felt the tears rise up through her chest and spill out on to her cheeks. She was pulled in to a tight hug and let herself relax in to the other girl's arms.

"Why don't you sing about this in Glee, B?" she pulled away and looked in to the smaller blondes eyes trying to catch the hint of the joke but found a serious look.

"You're kidding right?" she watched Quinn shake her head no and she started to laugh. "You're serious? Yeh, cause I totally want to sing a song about me being in love with my best friend to the whole of glee club… oh and also sing about the fact that I am too scared to do anything about it because I don't want to give up my stupid idea of a perfect life… You must be crazy, Q." the sarcasm in her tone made the other girl flinch.

"That's not what I mean, Britt, and you know it. I just meant that you should find a song that will help you work through some of the stuff that you have going on right now and maybe it will make you feel better. Seriously, you really do need to work on some of these things because this person sitting in front of me right now is not the Brittany I know. She's not the bubbly, bouncy girl that sees the good in everything… she's scared and alone and has managed to hurt the one person who has been there for her almost as long as I can remember."

"Yeh, maybe you're right. Thanks, Q." as she turned to leave she heard a laugh leave her best friend and turned towards her.

"What's so funny?" expecting to hear a joke leave the other girls lips.

"Nothing much… just that if someone had told me last year that I would have to deal with you and Santana running away from yourselves and each other I would have actually laughed in their face. Whoever thought that being fluid meant that you could be so stuck?" she didn't even know how to respond to that so she just quietly left the Quinn in the choir room still laughing just as the bell rang for second period.

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><p><strong>Wednesday Afternoon:<strong>

**Santana's POV:**

She hadn't seen Britt all day and the thought of going to glee club and spending the next 2 hours with her meant that she had a small smile plastered on her face as she walked towards the choir room. She walked in and was a little surprised to see Brittany sitting in the front row between Quinn and Puck. She locked eyes with Quinn and gave her a questioning look which was responded to with a shrug of the shoulders. Instead of dwelling on it she climbed the steps and took her place at the back pulling her phone out and shooting off a quick text to Britt.

**To: Britt-Britt 3:38pm: "What are you doing all the way over there? Who am I going to make fun of Hobbit and Frankenteen with? x"**

**From: Britt-Britt 3:40pm: "I'm singing today so I'll come and sit with you after ok? xB**

**To: Britt-Britt 3:41pm: "K."**

She couldn't help feeling a little disappointed at the exchange between them but that was erased completely by the next text she got and she actually laughed out loud earning her a glare from Berry who was listening intently to what Mr. Schue was saying about secrets.

**From: Britt-Britt 3:43pm: "LMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ;) xB"**

**To: Britt-Britt 3:44pm: "You're such a dork :P. x"**

**From: Britt-Britt 3:45pm: "You know it and you love it :) xB"**

She slipped her phone away and watched as, of course, Rachel Berry stood up to start off the performances for the day. The theme of the week was "secrets" and obviously Rachel had not got the memo because she sang yet another love song straight to Finn… it isn't exactly scoop of the week that those two were sickeningly in love. This was followed by Tina who performed an inexplicably boring version of "My Funny Valentine". When Quinn got up to sing her heart melted and all she wanted to do was comfort the shorter blond as she saw the inner turmoil Quinn was feeling spill out of her eyes.

Finally, it was Brittany's turn. She waited with baited breath as she watched the blonde hand out the sheet music and turn to face the room. She caught the baby blue eyes in hers and nodded her encouragement as she saw how nervous the other girl was. The music started and she watched as Brittany dipped her head in concentration all the while wringing her hands and her heart went out to her best friend. As the first verse started her eyes were once again trapped by the baby blue.

_Yesterday I got lost in the circus_  
><em>Felling like such a mess<em>  
><em>Now I'm down I'm just hanging on the corner<em>  
><em>I can't help but reminisce<em>  
><em>When you're gone all the colors fade<em>  
><em>When you're gone no New Year's Day parade<em>  
><em>You're gone<em>  
><em>Colors seem to fade<em>

_Your mama called she said that you're down stairs crying_  
><em>Feeling like such a mess<em>  
><em>Yeah I hear you you're in the background bawling<em>  
><em>What happened to your sweet summertime dress<em>

_I know we all, we all got our faults_  
><em>We get locked in our vaults and we stay<em>  
><em>But when you're gone all the colors fade<em>  
><em>When you're gone no New Year's Day parade<em>  
><em>You're gone<em>  
><em>Colors seem to fade<em>  
><em>Colors seem to fade<em>  
><em>Yeah<em>

She felt her breath catching in her throat and her heart beat speed up to an almost impossible pace. She hadn't been able to tear her eyes away from the girl singing straight in to her soul. She was so absorbed she didn't even see the sly glance towards Quinn who had given Brittany a smile and a nod, almost as if she was letting her know it was all going to be ok. When the song ended she didn't even care what everyone else was doing she stood up and made her way towards Brittany and enveloped her in a soft hug. She felt the girl pull away and lift her head to catch the brown in ice blue.

"I'm so sorry, Tana…" then she watched as Brittany turned and walked away with Quinn hot on the blonde's heels throwing an apologetic glance backwards to her.

_What?_

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><p><em><strong>AN: God, I can't seem to help myself with the angst. Not to worry though, things should be getting better soon. I mean, fate laid a hand, right? So you can't really put these 2 through anything that will keep them apart. The song from this chapter was Colors by Amos Lee. Hope you enjoyed it and review if you have any ideas on what you want to read, I am open to any and all suggestions. :)**_


	13. Chapter 13: Not Possible

**Disclaimer: I do not own glee (if I did then Brittana would have kissed after the I love you's tonight instead of the hug, although that was better than nothing). Just dreaming out loud… Reviews would be greatly appreciated ;)**

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><p>Time isn't what makes a friendship last... It is love and devotion that keeps the tie between souls. That is why it is never too late to go back and fix the things that didn't work out as planned. All of us make mistakes and we hurt the people we love. It IS possible to fix it… it won't ever be easy but if you care enough about someone you will do anything in your power to make them yours again.<p>

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><p><strong>Santana's POV:<strong>

_Seriously, WHAT? What the hell is going on?_ She couldn't even move, the confusion she was feeling was running through her brain and she couldn't even think straight. She didn't know what any of that meant. If her eyes and ears had not deceived her, Britt had just stood in front of the glee club and sung her a love song… and then just walked out? She didn't know what to do, all she knew was that she had to go see her best friend… as she turned to walk out of the choir room she felt a hand grab the crook of her elbow and hold her steady. She whipped her head round ready to lay in to whoever was stopping her from running after the girl she loved and immediately softened when she saw the look on Mercedes' face.

"S… maybe just let Q deal with her right now. Ok?"

"No! I have to see her…" she didn't even know why she was angry she just knew that she was. She was only semi aware that she was still in the presence of the entire glee club and tried to reign in her anger just a bit so as not to cause a scene.

"Come on, Santana… she's just a little upset, let it go! She'll be fine, it's Brittany… She probably just found out that the tooth fairy isn't real." She heard Finn from the back of the room and then heard the distinct giggle that belonged to Rachel. Her head spun around and she felt the bile rise up in her throat like venom. She fixed her glare on the BFG and spat her words at him.

"Listen here, Jabba the Hutt. You forget that I knew you when you only had ONE set of man-boobs and I still hated you so I don't know how you even think it is any of your business to speak like that to me or say ANYTHING about Brittany but I suggest you close that opening in your face you use to shovel food in to and mind your own damn business, comprende? Oh, and you can tell that little runt you call a girlfriend that if she wants to see something really funny she should just take you to a taco bell." With that she pulled her arm from Mercedes and stormed out the door. She hadn't meant to tear them down that much but her anger got the best of her. Before she could make her way down the hall she felt Mercedes next to her again and slowed her pace down sensing the other girl wanted to talk.

"Wow, I hadn't seen Auntie Snix for a while. Glad to see she hasn't gone MIA forever." Despite herself she felt a smile creep to her face and nudged the diva with her shoulder as they walked side by side. "But seriously, S. Maybe just let Quinn talk to Britt for the moment then I will take you to see her. You wanna talk about it?"

"To be honest, Cedes, I don't really know what to say. I guess it's kind of a long story." She didn't even know where they were going so she pushed open the fire door and headed towards the bleachers so she could steal one of Puck's cigarettes.

"I got time, S." they walked in silence the rest of the way and she couldn't help but smile at the look of disgust on Mercedes' face when they reached the bleachers and she lit up. She offered the cigarette to the other girl and stifled a laugh when the diva almost gagged at the thought of it. "So, you gonna tell me what's up with you and B?"

Santana contemplated what her answer was going to be because there was just so many ways she could play this… she could tell the girl everything or just disclose enough about the most recent situation. They sat in silence for a long while and that was when she realized that she was just so exhausted of hiding and running… there wasn't even any point to it anymore. She knew Mercedes to be one of the most trustworthy and reliable people out there so there really wasn't anything holding the truth back any longer.

"I'm in love with Brittany." she took the last drag and dropped the butt to the floor crushing it under her toe and she eyed Mercedes… just trying to get a little glimpse of the reaction but she gave nothing away.

"I know." Was all she said… it was then that an odd sensation flowed through her. Those 2 words should have scared her half to death but instead she felt calm… it was almost as if she knew she was MEANT to be feeling some sort of deep seeded dread at the fact that she had admitted it out loud to someone other than herself and Brittany but she couldn't bring herself to feel anything but relief.

"You know?"

"Yup, I think I've known for a while now… I just didn't think you knew it yet." She couldn't help but smile at the girl in front of her. Who knew she would have found such a good friend in someone she wouldn't have even considered looking twice at last year.

"God Cedes. You could have at least told me! It would have saved me a lot of time." She chuckled to herself and watched as Mercedes' face cracked in to a huge grin as she reached forward and pulled her in to a bone crushing hug. She didn't even know why she had been hiding it this long… Quinn and Mercedes both knew and her world hadn't fallen apart or even changed all that much… except for the fact that she was losing her best friend.

"I just don't know what to do about it… I love her so much. I know she feels the same way because she has said it… when she was drunk she said it, when she thought I was asleep she said it… twice. Every time she pulls away from me I feel my heart break a little more. Tell me what to do, Cedes?" Despite her lightheartedness not 5 minutes ago she could feel the sadness wash back over her as she thought about Brittany.

"Do you want me to give you the honest to God truth? Or do you want me to sugarcoat it?" Even though she wanted the diva to sugarcoat it, she knew she needed to hear it bluntly for her to actually hear it.

"Honest to God truth…" she managed to say quietly. She raised her head and stared back in to the chocolate eyes as if begging not to be hurt too much.

"All you can do is wait… you and I both know that she loves you too so you just have to wait for her to accept it and is brave enough and ready to be with you… OR you have to decide that you need to move on… because, as much as it pains me to say it, she may never be ready, S. You need to decide when enough is enough and that pining after someone is leaving you miserable… you need to let go and find your own happiness, even if that happiness doesn't include Britt. I know it's not fair but I guess that's just how life is… All I know is that you love her enough to go with whatever decision she makes… that's what makes you a good person Santana." She didn't know what to feel, just the thought of letting Brittany go was enough to make her feel sick but she knew Mercedes had a point. She couldn't help but let out a small chuckle when Mercedes uttered out a final sentence. "But don't worry, S. I won't let anyone know that you are actually a good person."

"Thanks, Cedes. You didn't even have to come out here with me… but I'm glad you did. I'd just really like to see Brittany now."

"Anytime… and I really mean that S…" Mercedes leaned in and gave her a final bone crunching hug before linking their arms and walking back up towards the school.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

She could feel herself still hiccoughing and trembling as Quinn held her close to her chest. She hadn't meant to get that emotional but something about the way Santana was looking at her during her song really shook her up. The brown eyes that never left hers throughout the performance were filled with such love and pride that she ended up feeling guilty all over again. She knew that what had happened was already behind them but every time she looked at Santana she couldn't get rid of the images flowing through her mind of the brunettes face etched with sadness and hurt. She didn't even know how long they had been sitting there but she could feel Quinn's hands running through her hair and the soft words being whispered in to the quiet locker room.

"Shh, it's ok, B. Everything is going to be, ok." Over and over again… she finally cleared her throat and looked up in to the hazel eyes.

"How do you know?"

"How do I know what, B?" she could see Quinn's forehead wrinkle in confusion

"How do you know that everything is going to be ok?"

"I guess I don't know for sure but I have faith that they will. You and Santana will figure everything out eventually." She didn't even know how to respond and all her thoughts started whizzing through her head again. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she hadn't even heard the door to the locker room open and close and the sound of two sets of footsteps make their way over. She felt Quinn get up from next to her and she looked around, confused at the disturbance.

"I don't think now is a good time to talk to her. Maybe you can wait till tomorrow?" she heard Quinn say but still couldn't see who she was talking to.

"Please, Q. I just need 5 minutes. I NEED to see her." She would have recognized that voice anywhere… she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. She could hear the desperation in the voice but she didn't think she could handle that beautiful face masked with hurt again.

"Come on, Q. Give the girl 5 minutes. You don't even have to leave so you can keep an eye on Britt." _Thank god Mercedes had been with Santana._ She wouldn't have been able to stand it if she had found out that Santana had gone off alone, confused and angry. She finally found her voice and spoke up to let Quinn know it was ok. She watched as Quinn and Mercedes moved to the other end of the room and turned her attention back to Santana who was now kneeling in front of her with a look of concern on her face.

"Britt, are you ok?"

"I don't know, San."

"Well, do you want to talk about it?" her heart broke at the softness in the Latina's voice and all the feelings she had been holding on to for so long just seemed to burst out of her.

"I – I'm just so sorry, San. I really hate myself because I was the one who caused you pain and I promised you I would never hurt you. I know we've talked about all this but every time I close my eyes I see how much I hurt you and I can't stand feeling so guilty. I don't deserve you to be nice to me because I know that I'm just going to hurt you again." She felt fresh tears stinging her cheeks and she moved forward to grip on to Santana's shirt where it lay across her stomach.

"Oh, B. Look, we had one of the truest friendships there is. Nothing should jeopardize that and make you feel this way and I am so sorry that something has. Yes, when you walk away it breaks my heart… and it hurt… so much. I had every reason not to forgive you, but I did… The rest is up to you." She saw the girl in front of her start falling away and increased her hold on the shirt.

"I'm so so sorry, Tana. Please tell me you know that?"

"I do, B. And I told you before, you don't need to apologize anymore… what's done is done and we can move on from it. Please stop thinking about it because it just makes you sad… like a sad little panda." She couldn't help but giggle through her tears and felt a bubble at her lips. Santana reached down and did something that made her heart ache even more… the Latina pulled her sleeve over her hand and started wiping away the wetness on her cheeks, nose and mouth before pulling her in to a massive hug allowing her to push her face in to the crook of Santana's neck and inhale her intoxicating scent.

If she had turned at that moment to face Mercedes and Quinn she would have seen a look of pure awe on their faces, they had never seen such quiet and genuine displays of love… it would make anyone wonder how there could be so much hurt between two people who were clearly destined for each other.

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><p><strong>Wednesday Evening:<strong>

**Santana's POV:**

She was exhausted; she had finally been able to calm Brittany down enough to persuade her to be driven home. The car ride had been silent and she didn't know what to think… they had just spent the last couple of hours talking through everything and she had had to explain to Britt time and time again that she had forgiven her. Her best friend had been distraught… Santana had never seen her like this and it worried her. Was all f this because of her? If she had just kept her big mouth shut would Britt still be the same bubbly blonde who saw the good in everyone? Even though she knew she was being irrational because of what Quinn had already told her about Brittany having feelings for her before, too, she couldn't help but think that she was the one who tipped over the first domino. With all this going on in her head she was finding it increasingly hard to write her AP Spanish Oral even though she was fluent. Pretty soon she had given up completely and had moved over to her vanity to switch on her iPod just to drown out the thoughts spinning through her head. She lay down on her bed and just let the soft melody wash over her only to jump 2 seconds later at the sound of her phone

**From: Britt-Britt 8:43pm: "Hey Tana, you're still picking me up tomorrow right? xB"**

**To: Britt-Britt 8:44pm: "Of course I am! We have ridden together almost every day since I got my licence… why wouldn't I be? X"**

**From Britt-Britt 8:45pm: "I don't know… I was just checking to make sure... xB"**

It almost broke her heart to hear Brittany so unsure of herself… it wasn't like her. She NEVER second guessed herself or their friendship… this only confirmed Santana's fears that she was the cause of all this heartache. She needed to fix this.

**To Britt-Britt 8:49pm: "I will always drive you to school… even you have a really bad hair day and I'm embarrassed to have you in my car ;). I'll just make you duck down, panda! X"**

She tried to lighten up the conversation in a vain effort to make the other girl smile. She could almost picture her now, lying on her bed in her cute little duck boxers, chewing her lip because she was nervous. The thought of that made her stomach flip and she realized that it probably wasn't a good idea to picture the other girl like that and she shook her head to get rid of the image.

**From Britt-Britt 8:52pm: "Ok good :)! But I NEVER have bad hair days so that doesn't count. You have a double free period tomorrow morning don't you? xB"**

**To Britt-Britt 8:54pm: "Yup :) why? X"**

**From Britt-Britt 8:56pm: "Can we go somewhere? Just… us two? xB"**

**To Britt-Britt 8:57pm: "Yeh sure, what did you have in mind? X"**

**From Britt-Britt 8:58pm: "You'll just have to wait and see tomorrow, nosey! X"**

**To Britt-Britt 9:00pm: "B… I am going to be the one driving so I will know as soon as you get in to the car tomorrow lol. X"**

**From Britt-Britt 9:01pm: "Crap… you're right. Well you still have to wait till tomorrow. I g2g Tana. Gotta walk Lord T and you know how long it takes me to get him in to his harness. I'll see you tomorrow. Night. xB"**

Her brow furrowed when she realized that Britt hadn't said I love you at the end of her text and they ALWAYS said it to each other before going to bed. She decided not to make a big deal of it considering how emotional the blonde had been today.

**To Britt-Britt 9:03pm: "Night, Panda. X" **

She lay back against her pillow and tried to relax as she let the melodies drifting from the other side of the room rush over her body and relax her muscles. As one song ran in to another she felt herself becoming more aware of the lyrics rather than the tune. She took a deep breath as the words penetrated her soul. There is a song for every situation and mood and right now it felt as if the universe itself had picked the song.

_Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,  
>You never know if you never try<br>To forgive your past and simply be mine_

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only  
>Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms<br>So come on and give me a chance  
>To prove that I'm the one who can<br>Walk that mile until the end starts

She was brought out of her reverie by the sound of her phone buzzing once more.

**From: Britt-Britt 9:17pm: "Sleep well. I love you… so much. Always. xB"**

Her heart swelled and she smiled goofily down at her phone as she tapped a quick reply.

**To Britt-Britt 9:18pm: "Don't let the bed bugs bite, Panda. I love you more. Always. X"**

**From Britt-Britt 9:19pm: "Not possible… xB"**

She fell asleep that night with a heart so full of love and the endless possibilities of tomorrow.

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><p><strong>AN: See I told you that things would get better for them… there is no physical or metaphorical thing that can keep these two apart. Tonight's episode showed that. Admittedly there was a bit of angst but sometimes I just can't seem to help myself. Don't hesitate to review. What would you like to see happen to Brittana? Song in Chapter is "One and Only" - Adele - xShay**


	14. Chapter 14: No Fear Just Love

**A/N: Thank you all soooo much for the reviews, favorites and alerts and I cannot begin to express my apologies for the late update. Was in the middle of our quarterly audit and the balance sheets were even invading my dreams. Forgive me? This chapter was a very fluffy one and I am proud to say that there is minimal (if any) angst. Follow me on tumblr if you have any questions or just want to say hi… I don't bite… promise : _loveisloveshipper . tumblr (take out the spaces)_**

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><p>Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.<p>

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><p><strong>Friday Morning:<strong>

**Santana's POV:**

She woke up and stretched lazily in bed. It wasn't often that she woke up with a smile like this. She wasn't someone that was considered a morning person by any standards but today was different, she woke up with a heart full of hope and expectation and didn't hesitate to swing her legs over the side of the bed and run over to the bathroom to get ready… today was one day she did not want to be late for. After showering and putting on a pair of faded skinny jeans and a tank top she heard her phone buzz on her bedside table.

**From Britt-Britt 7:32am: "Hey Tana, I'm all ready to go so get your ass over here slowpoke! I can't wait to see you. xB"**

**To Britt-Britt 7:33am: "Just putting the finishing touches on the masterpiece that is Santana Lopez, Panda ;) . Wouldn't want me to leave the house looking terrible, would we? X"**

**From Britt-Britt 7:35am: "I don't think it's even possible for you to look terrible :) . Just hurry up ok… I want as much time with you before school as I can get! xB"**

**To Britt-Britt 7:37am: "Aw well aren't you sweet… I'm leaving now… be there in 10 :) . X"**

She smiled and slid her phone in to her backpack where her cheerios uniform was already neatly folded ready to be put on once they got to school for 3rd period. Even if she was about to spend a great morning with her best friend she didn't want Coach Sylvester chewing her out for being dressed in anything but her uniform. With a last quick glance in the mirror she slung her bag over her shoulder and raced out to her car… she felt like a little kid on Christmas morning.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

She didn't care that it was a little cold outside she was going to sit on her front steps until Santana arrived to pick her up. Her heart was fluttering in her chest and she realized she hadn't felt this way in a long time; it was nice to have that feeling of giddiness washing over her with every gust of wind. She wasn't sure what had happened but everything just seemed to be falling back in to place after weeks of it being unbearably screwed up. After talking with both Quinn and Santana yesterday she had come to realize that there really wasn't anything to be afraid of, Santana was her best friend and they were always going to be close no matter what happened… sure, things had been a little off between them lately and they seemed to have been out of sync for the last couple of weeks but she was going to make damn sure that they got back on the right track. It hurt too much to even THINK about being away from Santana let alone LIVE through it.

Her heart pick up immediately as she saw the Latina's car swing round the corner at a decent speed and she smiled to herself when she realized Santana had rushed to get over here. She watched as the car screeched in to her driveway and was on her feet as soon as the driver's side door opened.

"Tana! Hi! I missed you…" she had hurled herself at the brunette and was hugging Santana with all the strength she could muster.

"Oomph… well hello to you too Panda! To what do I owe this very enthusiastic greeting? Oh and I missed you too B."

"I just wanted to hug you that's all, you ready to go? I'm so excited to spend time just the two of us, Tana." She peeled herself away from the Latina and stepped back to catch the brown eyes in hers. Her heart soared at the smile that was spread across Santana's face, it was one that was reserved only for when they were alone together… a smile that carried all the way in to those chocolate brown eyes and her nose scrunch up adorably. She didn't even hesitate to lean in and press a kiss to the brunette's cheek.

"Me too, B. It's been a while. So… where to?"

"Stop being so nosy! I'll just guide you there, ok?"

"Britt, I don't know… you got lost on the first day of school THIS year after 3 years at McKinley and ended up in a broom closet. I don't want to end up in Alaska." She heard Santana laugh at the memory and couldn't help her face from breaking in to a huge smile as well.

"Don't worry, I went on Google Maps and printed off the directions so we WOULDN'T get lost."

"Ok Panda… I'm trusting you."

They pulled out of the driveway and started off down the Pierce's quiet street and once Santana's hand was off the gear stick she reached over and grabbed the brunette's hand linking their fingers together. She sighed contentedly at the contact and watched with amusement as Santana's eyes kept flicking to the centre console where their hands lay pressed together with Brittany stroking the back of the Latina's hand with the pad of her thumb.

They made small talk as Brittany guided them through Lima and even she was surprised with herself when they arrived after getting lost only once. She watched as Santana's eyes lit up in recognition when she saw the small games arcade and felt her heart flutter when she could almost see the memories flash behind the chocolate orbs.

"Oh my god, Britt… I can't believe I ever forgot about this place! Fuck, we used to come here ALL the time!"

"I know, Tana. And I figured why not go on a trip down memory lane. Do you remember the last time we came here and literally spent all our birthday and Christmas money combined?" she watched as Santana huffed out a laugh and let her mind wander back to the summer before freshman year where they had spent well over 100 dollars on ONE game and came away with a tiny stuffed monkey. She knew that Santana had kept the animal and it still sat on the shelf above her bed.

"Of course I remember that Panda. Come on, let's go inside before we run out of time to do anything fun!" With that she felt Santana wrench her hand away and climb out of the car but before she could let herself feel the loss of contact she felt the door next to her being pulled open and the hand reach in and take hers again right away. She couldn't help but smile at the childish innocence and laughter coming out of Santana as she was being pulled towards the door to the arcade. This was HER Santana, the girl whose laugh lit up her entire world. No one else ever saw this side of her, granted the Latina would never let this part of her show so as to keep her reputation intact, but with Brittany she never did.

"Tana… slow down! We still have a good 2 hours before we have to head out."

"I know B, but I wants to get my game on. Oh my god… Britt they still have that dance game!" she felt herself being dragged forwards again and before she could catch her breath Santana had pushed 2 tokens in to the machine and selected two player mode. She locked eyes with the Latina and saw the excited glint before the eye contact was broken and both girls turned to the screen in front. The machine was loud and all she could hear for the next 3 minutes was the annoying robotic voice telling her she was doing an "Outstanding!" job… but somewhere along the way the incessant voice dimmed and all she could hear was the delicious peel of laughter escaping her best friend's lips and she couldn't help herself from thinking that it was possibly one of the most beautiful sounds that existed. She inwardly let go a sigh of relief when she saw the look of pure happiness etched on to the brunette's face and she knew she had done the right thing by bringing her here and letting her remember how things used to be and how things could be again. She was pulled from her train of thought when the game ended and the music stopped.

"I can't believe you just LET me win B! Surely you know I can beat you any day WITH my eyes closed!"

"Ha! As if. I just let you win because I know you're a sore loser! Rematch?" she winked for effect and watched in amusement as a look of determination set over the brunette's features.

"You are so on! And watch it Panda, I am a lot better at this than I used to be." Both girls slammed their hands down on the start button again and with renewed vigor began matching their steps to the ones on the screen again. She was determined to beat the other girl and put all her energy in to not letting herself get distracted by the frequent squeals of delight coming from the girl next to her. Eventually her curiosity got the best of her and she glanced sideways causing her to lose her combo points but she couldn't even bring herself to care. She watched as, with every step, the smile on Santana's face grew. She swore to herself that in that moment the light in the brunette's eyes could rival the light of even the brightest stars. Shaking her head to get rid of the distracting thoughts she turned to face the screen again only to find that the music had stopped and she had once again lost out to the brunette.

"Ha! I told you I'd beat you, Panda. Feel free to kiss my feet whenever you're ready." She heard Santana boast and couldn't help but smile ant the smaller girl's giddiness and lack of modesty and before she could help herself she was pulling the Latina in for a hug. She sighed as she felt the other girl engulf her and time seemed to slow as they just stood there holding each other, she let the familiar smell wash over her.

"Britt, as much as I would love to stand here like this all day… we should probably make the most of our time together. We still have a good hour and a half before we have to head out so why don't we go play more games?" she reluctantly let the Latina go but her disappointment at the loss of contact didn't last long as she felt fingers entwining with her own.

"Ok, what do you want to do next? Oh my god, let's go play Whack-A-Mole!" she watched the brunettes face light up and felt herself smile easily back. It didn't even shock her anymore how well she knew her best friend… she sometimes felt that she knew the other girl better than she knew herself and that was something she wasn't even ashamed of.

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><p><strong>Santana's POV:<strong>

Santana couldn't remember the last time she felt so carefree and happy, this day was a reminder of the way Brittany made her felt and she couldn't be happier that they were getting back to the way things used to be. If she could, she would ditch the whole day and spend it with Brittany… the blonde was the only one in the world able to make her heart feel so light and actually allow her to forget some of the things in her life that she couldn't normally avoid. Her face was literally aching from the amount she was smiling and the look in the blonde's eyes was taking her breath away with each glance.

After another hour of the best fun she'd had in a while she knew that it was almost time to leave and it was almost like she was a pouty little kid again… like when you're playing outside with all your friends on a warm summers evening and your Mother tells you that you have 5 minutes left or when its Sunday evening and you get this sinking feeling in your stomach because you know you have school the next day.

Before she could let herself get too down she felt herself being pulled in to a hug from behind and watched as two pale arms snaked round her waist and clasped tightly in the middle. She smiled to herself and placed her hands on Brittany's and leaned back in to her best friend who's head had come to rest on her shoulder. They remained like this for a few comfortable seconds and she felt her smile widen when she felt Brittany nuzzle her neck and take a deep breath… this is how it was supposed to be between them… easy. Being around Brittany came as naturally to her as breathing and she knew that, even though telling her best friend may have been a bad idea, falling in love with her was one of best feelings she had ever experienced and, for that, she was not sorry.

"I think we should probably go now Tana, we don't want to be late for History. Even though we're already about 100 years too late for the first world war…" she watched as the blonde's face gave away no signs of a joke so she stifled a laugh and let Brittany pull her towards the exit and out of their little bubble. Before they reached the car she watched as the blonde paused and then turned to face her. She couldn't help her face scrunching up in confusion as to what was going on but was soon pacified by strong arms once again pulling her into a soft hug. _Is it me or is she being extra affectionate today? _Pretty soon her thoughts seemed to just float away and she let her body mould to that of her best friend's. Their bodies seemed to know how to just melt around each other so that one hug could become one of the most comforting embraces known to man. Santana didn't dare ruin the moment and so she closed her eyes and willed herself not to say anything.

Before long she felt the blonde pull away and she reluctantly let her hands drop back down to her sides and her eyes remained trained on the floor. She hoped that this would be the end of their little interaction as she felt tears sting her eyes… this time happy ones but Brittany would still worry. She felt a hand reach under her chin and begin to tug her face upwards and she knew that she couldn't hide.

"Tana? Why are you crying? What's wrong?" the blonde's voice was laced with concern and her heart filled and overflowed with love. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No.. no… you d – didn't do anything wrong, B. These are happy tears! I had a really good day with you today, I just can't help but think that, when we leave here, we are going to be snapped back to reality. Seriously though, thank you for today." She sniffed back her tears and gave her best friend a watery smile. She lost herself in the baby blue eyes and watched as they crinkled up in the corner as the blonde returned her smile.

"You're welcome. I just wanted to spend some time, just us, you know? And even if we do have to go back to reality now, I am SO coming over tonight for movies."

"Ok, B. Let's go, but you better come over tonight or I'ma go all Lima Heights!"

"Tana… come on… you and I both know that 'Lima Heights' does NOT work on me. All I have to do is pout and you stop."

"Ugh… fine! But we really should go."

The car ride back to McKinley was perfect, she felt comfortable just in the presence of the blonde and she couldn't help but steal glances at her the whole way back. Their entwined hands lay between them with Brittany's thumb tracing lazy circles in to the back of her hand... the blonde had her head against the window with her face tilted to the sun and her eyes closed. Santana could swear she had never seen anything so beautiful in her life and she felt the warm feeling of unimaginable love spread through her entire body. When they arrived in the parking lot to the school she saw that they still had 15 minutes before they would have to head in so she just let the blonde doze peacefully next to her not having it in her heart to wake the girl. She let her head fall back against the head rest and just reveled in the feeling of the other girl's hand in hers.

"Tana?" she was brought out of her daydream by the soft voice a lot closer than it had been when she had closed her eyes not five minutes before. She felt the breath ghost over her ear and down her neck sending an involuntary shiver down her spine.

"Yeh Panda?" her voice sounded raspier than it had before and she tried in vain to subtly clear her throat.

"Can I have a hug?" she snapped open her eyes and turned to look at the blonde completely caught off guard by the question.

"Of course you can Britt… I don't understand why you are asking me? I will ALWAYS give you a hug." She leaned in and caught the blonde in her arms and immediately felt the taller girl relax in to the embrace. She felt Brittany nuzzle further in to her neck and tangle her fingers in the back of her shirt, despite the intimate moment she couldn't help but smile at the possessiveness of that action. The hands in the shirt started to get tighter and she felt a tug, almost as if the blonde was pulling away from her but holding on at the same time.

"Britt? Look at me… are you ok?"

"I'm perfect…" with those small words she felt the blonde pull away almost completely and look deep in to her eyes. She caught the unmistakable glint in the depths of the baby blue and saw a smile tug at the corners of the perfectly pink lips of her best friend but before she could even understand what was happening she watched Brittany inch agonizingly close to her face, her breath caught in her throat as she felt warm lips press against hers in the gentlest kiss she had ever experienced.

There was no way of telling whether she was still breathing but in that moment the only thing that was keeping her from soaring off in to the air were the soft lips pressed against hers. She felt hand came up to cup her cheek and pull her further in to the kiss. The slow massage of lips was unhurried and full of promise… the river of emotion flowing out of that kiss was breathtaking and Santana could feel it engulf her, pulling her in to a world where anything is possible.

As she felt the girl blonde pull away she almost didn't dare open her eyes for fear of what was going to happen… she was waiting for the hushed curse and the swish of air as the blonde left the car and ran away AGAIN. But nothing came… all she could feel was the soft puff of air hit her lips every couple of seconds as Brittany pants synched with hers.

"Wow…" upon hearing those words she slowly opened her eyes only to be caught in the ice blue orbs once more. There, in that moment, she saw no fear… just love.

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><p><strong>AN: And there you have Chapter 14 my lovelies :) don't forget to follow me on Tumblr: _loveisloveshipper . tumblr (remove the spaces)_**


	15. Chapter 15: We're Ok Now

**A/N: Sorry sorry for the delay again but I hope this chapter makes up for it. I am trying ver hard to make it fluffy and am starting to venture in to the realms of how Brittany is really feeling. This chapter ended up being a sort of beginning for these two and I hope you like it. Don't forget to follow me on tumblr _loveisloveshipper . tumblr_ (remove the spaces). Let me know what you think on here or there :)**

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><p>There are moments in your life that make you and set the course of who you are going to be. Sometimes they are little, subtle moments… sometimes they are big moments you never even saw coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does and it's what you do afterwards that counts. THAT is when you find out who you are going to be.<p>

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><p><strong>Santana's POV<strong>

She had never felt like this before… feeling like you are floating away while at the same time feeling more grounded than you have in a long time. She could still feel the soft whisper of air hit her lips as she stared in to the bright blue eyes of her best friend. The best friend who had just kissed her in the most breathtaking way and, for the first time, hadn't run away. She didn't even know it was possible for a heart to be filled with quite as much love as hers was in this moment. She allowed her hopes to soar and let every thought rush through her brain unhindered, she could stay here forever. Getting lost in the ice blue eyes that were so familiar yet still so mysterious she found herself, strangely, NOT looking for answers but imagining just how deep they went and what was hidden in every corner, it became clear to her that there was more behind those eyes than she could ever hope to imagine… but for now the love and acceptance that was radiating out of them was enough, no… it was more than enough.

She was pulled out of her reverie by the blonde moving away from her. Out of sheer habit and familiarity she felt herself tense up in panic and wished with her entire being that this was not happening again. Her panic was quelled instantly when she felt Brittany pick up her hand once again and interlace their fingers… she watched as the blonde turned to face her and watched as the face that haunted her dreams every night cracked in to one of the most exquisite smiles she had ever seen.

"THAT should have been our first kiss…" she could hear the sigh of contentment rush out of the lips that were just on hers and couldn't help but breathe the biggest sigh of relief at the sound as she felt all the worry about how things were changing between the two of them seemed to just rush away.

"Yeh, you're right Panda. It was perfect."

"It really was."

Somewhere in the distance she heard the bell ring and it burst their little bubble of happiness temporarily as they realized that they both still had to change in to their uniforms and head to class. They couldn't risk getting caught in the Cheerios locker room because then Coach would know they had skipped. In their haste to get ready and avoid being TOO late both girls lunged towards the back seat of her SUV to grab their bags and get changed. Brittany's foot had somehow got caught in her seatbelt and she grabbed on to the closest thing to stop from face planting which happened to be Santana. Both girls ended up sprawled across the backseat with their legs tangled, it could have been an awkward situation considering what had just transpired in the front of the car but the break from reality they had taken this morning seemed to have made everything right again as both girls exploded in to a loud fit of laughter.

"Britt we really need to get going, I don't want to get written up again…" she wiped away a final tear of laughter from her cheek and marveled at the fact that they had both managed to get their uniform on and ponytails tightened all while laughing hysterically.

"Ok, I'm ready Tana. Let's go!" As both girls exited the car she felt Brittany reached down and grab her pinky like nothing had changed but as she turned to walk away she felt the blonde pull her back for one last hug. Despite being already 5 minutes late for 3rd period she could feel her body instinctively melt in to the familiar embrace. What happened next would play on constant repeat in her brain for the rest of the day because for the second time in less than an hour she was completely blindsided when the blonde pulled back and placed a chaste peck on her lips before continuing towards the school unaware of the effect she had on the brunette who was letting herself be dragged in the same direction.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV<strong>

She didn't even know how she had come to accept the fact that she had deep feelings for her best friend and act on them. It wasn't long ago that she had been running scared from everything and no matter how hard she had tried she kept hurting the Latina. She could remember the conversation she had had with Quinn vividly and almost felt ashamed at her unwillingness to change for something she knew, even then, was love. All she knew now was that something was different in her, somewhere along the way she had stopped being afraid… The time they had spent together today just proved how much easier things were when she was around the Latina. By nature she was a happy person and was always smiling but somehow being around HER made smiling easier… even breathing was easier when they were together and because of that she really was starting to wonder how she denied it so long.

Her entire body was still trembling from the kiss she had just shared with Santana in the car, she couldn't tell you why she did or even when she decided to do it but, in that moment, every single fibre of her being was screaming at her to do it. That kiss had opened her eyes to some of the things she had been hiding from herself for so long… She felt like she was walking on air and wasn't sure the smile that was plastered on her face would ever go away. This kiss had been different than the others… the one's they had shared previously were full of pain, fear and a subtle form of hate and denial at each other's feelings. This one had been soft and full of promise of the amazing things to come; there was no rush, no malicious undertones, no hesitation… just perfection.

Sitting through an hour of history was one of the last things she wanted to be doing at this very moment. She wished she could be back in the little bubble she had created with Santana this morning in the midst of all their childhood memories. She let her mind wander back to this morning and let it run over everything that was Santana. It was almost as if the Latina's features had been permanently ingrained in to her mind's eye and, in that moment, she couldn't be more grateful as she let her mind wander over her best friend's face. The impossibly high cheekbones that would flush with colour every time Brittany hugged her or said something cute (even though Santana always said ethnic people didn't blush). She felt herself smile as she thought of the adorable little dimple that appeared on the Latina's face when she smiled extra big or was laughing and the way her plump lips were turned up at the corners in a shy smile whenever they were together… At the thought of the brunette's lips she felt her entire body shudder as her mind brought back the feeling of their kiss. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket which made her jump slightly as she glanced around to make sure the teacher hadn't noticed, she had had so many phones confiscated over the years and was not about to let it happen again.

**From Tana 10:43am: "Hey Panda, I wish we were still in our little bubble :( English is sooo boring and I don't even have my Panda to entertain me. X"**

**To Tana 10:44am: "Yeh I wish we were still there too… I bet my History class isn't much better. Is it weird for me to say that I miss you? xB"**

**From Tana 10:46am: "Not weird at all… I miss you too, Panda. You're still coming over for movie night right? X"**

**To Tana 10:48am: "Wouldn't miss it for the world, Tana. I'll text you later, k? He's giving us our homework assignment and I need to at least pretend to be paying attention. xB"**

**From Tana 10:50am: "Ok. TTYL Panda. X"**

The day passed relatively quickly by any standards and Santana had been texting her all day. They had sat with Quinn and the rest of the Glee club at lunch ignoring all the pointed stares of the rest of the cheerios but she couldn't bring herself to care about what they thought as long as she was with Santana. Before she knew it, it was time for Glee and she felt her heart flutter in her chest when she saw Santana waiting for her by her locker. As she made her way through the people milling around the hallway she watched as the Latina raised her eyes and caught her own and Santana's face immediately lit up. Brittany couldn't help but chuckle when her best friend realized that she was in the middle of a crowded school hallway and promptly pasted her HBIC look back on her face before anyone noticed she was smiling.

She was eternally grateful that everyone was used to her and Santana being close because no one batted an eyelid when she reached her best friend and immediately pulled her in for a tight hug. She may have begun to accept her own feelings but she could still feel the fear of what everyone else thought lapping at the edges of her calm exterior.

It had taken her a long time to get to the point of being comfortable AND accepting of both her feelings and Santana's but she is nowhere near confident enough yet to be able to defend her actions in front of others. She saw what had happened to Kurt when he came out; he was forced to leave the school because the bullying got so bad. She doesn't even know if she is strong enough to face that kind of hate but most of all she doesn't even want to begin to imagine what it would be like for Santana. The brunette had become so accustomed to people using her or leaving her and not giving her any of the attention she craves and deserves. School was the only place that she knew Santana felt accepted and wanted… bullying like what Kurt went through is such a blatant rejection of who you are as a person and it would undo everything she knew her best friend had worked so hard to earn. She realised immediately the reason why she had been scared all this time… yes, she was scared about what it all meant for the life she had planned for herself but deep down she was scared because she did not want to see her best friend hurting in that way so she pushed the girl away. The irony of it all is that she ended up being the one who hurt Santana more than anyone else could have.

"Woah B, what's going on in the pretty head of yours? It looks like you're about to explode?" She was pulled out of her inner epiphany by the questioning eyes of her best friend.

"Nothing Tana, was just trying to remember if we had an assignment for Glee this week." She feigned indifference and inwardly breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Santana had seemingly accepted her answer.

"Don't think too hard about it Panda… it's Friday and we have the entire weekend to think about a song because you KNOW it's going to be Rachel Berry singing today anyway. Besides, I can't remember if we had an assignment either." She couldn't help but smile at the Latina's attempt at disdain for the little diva and couldn't miss the little drop of affection thrown in the mix. She knew that Santana tried very hard to hate everyone in the glee club but she was the only one privy to the information that it was, in fact, the best part of her day. She held up her pinkie and let out a soft laugh as her best friend linked hers with it dramatically and tugged her towards the choir room.

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><p><strong>Santana's POV<strong>

If anyone asked her how she was feeling today she could literally say she was on cloud nine. _I mean how many times can you look back on moments in your life and say: "That's when everything changed…"?. There can't be many right?_

She arrived in the choir room with Brittany in tow and a smile pasted on her face. She caught Quinn's eye and watched as her eyebrow was raised in question, she gave her a quick genuine smile and shot her a pleading look she hoped read as "I'll tell you later" and sat down in the front row. There was nothing in this world that could rival what she was feeling now and she heaved a sigh of contentment as she tuned out the daily pain in her ass that was Rachel Berry. It wasn't until she realised the speech was uncharacteristically short that she was snapped out of her day dream with Mr. Schue calling her name.

"Santana? Santana….?"

"Sorry Mr. Schue. What's up?"

"I got that sheet music you wanted and I think it is an incredible choice of song. Can you perform it for us now? I think it would be a great number to do at Regionals so I would really love for the other members to hear it." Her heart sank as she realised what was happening. _No, no, no, no, no… this can't be happening today. PLEASE not today._ She looked back towards the choir room and saw all the questioning eyes on her as she reluctantly stood up. She knew she had no choice to perform it now as the questions in her fellow members' eyes turned to curiosity. Before she took her place at the front of the choir room she kneeled down in front of Brittany, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. This had been a perfect day and what she was about to do had the potential to ruin it. She looked up in to the ice blue eyes and saw confusion.

"B… listen to me. I need you do something for me… I need you to get up right now and leave this choir room. I promise I will come get you in 5 minutes." She put all her efforts in to being as persuasive as possible.

"Why Tana? I want to hear you sing? Please?" she saw the pout reach the blonde's lips and there was no way she was going to be able to refuse now.

"Fine… but just listen to me for a sec ok?" she watched as the blonde nod as the increasing worry invaded her beautiful blue eyes.

"When I chose this song I was still hurting and I just wanted a song that would get me through. I asked Mr. Schue to find the music because I couldn't find it at 'Between the Sheets'. Please remember that this means nothing now… Don't hate me."

With those final words she straightened up and kept her eyes trained on the blonde in front of her as she backed up towards the piano. The first few bars of the song rang out across the room and she heard a sharp intake of breath. For the first time she broke the eye contact that was pretty much holding her together and glanced to where the sound was coming from and saw the look of recognition in Mercedes' eyes at the first bars of the song and a look of uncertainty. She closed her eyes tight and started to sing.

_Broken heart again  
>Another lesson learn<br>Better know your friends  
>Or else you will get burned<br>Gotta count on me  
>Cause I can guarantee<br>That I'll be fine  
><em>

She looked up at the blonde in front of her once again and saw a look she couldn't for the life of her figure out. The blonde head was bowed slightly with eyes trained towards her as she felt the words tumble out of her mouth.

_No more pain (no more pain)  
>No more pain (no more pain)<br>No drama (no more drama in my life)  
>No one's gonna make me hurt again<em>

_Why'd I play the fool_  
><em>Go through ups and downs<em>  
><em>Knowing all the time<em>  
><em>You wouldn't be around<em>  
><em>Or maybe I like the stress<em>  
><em>Cause I was young and restless<em>  
><em>But that was long ago<em>  
><em>I don't wanna cry no more<em>

Despite everything that had transpired in the last 24 hours and the happiness she felt there was something about the words she was singing that still held some sort of power over her. She reluctantly looked away from the blonde to look at the other members of the club only to find them looking back at her with such empathy and compassion it brought tears to her eyes. Every single word that floated from her mouth made her remember just how hurt she had been.

_No more pain (no more pain)_  
><em>No more game (no more game messin with my mind)<em>  
><em>No drama (no more drama in my life)<em>  
><em>Nooone's gonna make me hurt again<em>  
><em>No more tears (no more tears, I'm tired of cryin everynight)<em>  
><em>No more fears (no more fears, I really don't wanna cry)<em>  
><em>No drama (no more drama in my life)<em>  
><em>I don't ever wanna hurt again<em>  
><em>Wanna speak my mind, wanna speak my mind<em>

_Uh, it feel so good_  
><em>When you let go<em>  
><em>Of all the drama in your life<em>  
><em>Now you're free from all the pain<em>  
><em>Free from all the game<em>  
><em>Free from all the stress<em>  
><em>So find your happiness<em>  
><em>I don't know<em>  
><em>Only God knows where the story ends for me<em>  
><em>But I know where the story begins<em>  
><em>It's up to us to choose<em>  
><em>Whether we win or lose<em>  
><em>And I choose to win.<em>

She didn't even realise she was crying until the final bars of the song faded out and she bowed her head willing the tears to magically vanish from her cheeks. Almost as soon as the silence engulfed the room she could hear the sound of applause that was a lot louder than it should have been for the amount of people in the room. With the shock of the noise she lifted her head to see 10 people looking at her like they understood her for the first time. She timidly glanced back towards Brittany and saw that her eyes were gleaming with tears as were Quinn's, Mercedes' and Rachel's. She felt her breath catch in her throat as she watched the blonde rise from her seat and trained her eyes to the floor again… if Brittany was going to walk out on her again she didn't want to have to witness it. It would hurt too much… Unexpectedly, she felt the familiar arms wrap around her and pull her in to a hug that held so much emotion it was almost suffocating. Relief washed over as she gripped on to the other girl as hard as she could and she let the tears fall freely as she felt the familiar tug on the back of her uniform telling her that the blonde was gripping on to her just as hard. Everyone else was silent for what seemed like an eternity as they witnessed the purest love most of them had ever seen. She felt the breath whisper over her ear as the blonde began to speak.

"Oh god Tana. I am so so sorry. Please tell you know that I never meant to hurt you like that. Fuck, I am such an idiot. Please, PLEASE forgive me." She felt fresh tears spring to her eyes as she realised the look she could not recognise on her best friend's face had been guilt and pain.

"Shh B, I already forgave you. It's ok, you're forgiven… we're ok now. Shh." She felt the shaking in her arms stop as the blonde stopped sobbing at her words.

She felt the blonde pull back and instinctively raised her eyes to meet the eyes she knew would be searching for hers. She felt the pull deep in her chest as she saw them looking for validation that her words rang true. She felt a small tug on the back of her shirt and barely had time to take a breath before she felt the lips on hers for the 3rd time that day. The lips on hers made something melt inside her that hurt in the most exquisite way. Everything transformed and was enchanted… everything made sense.

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><p><strong>AN: Phew and there is Chapter 15 my lovelies. Hope you enjoyed it… there was a bit of angst in there but I made a promise to myself it would be minimal. I find it very hard to write fluff for some reason but I hope I did it justice because, for me, this is the _real _beginning. Song is 'No More Drama' – Mary J. Blige. Don't forget to follow me on tumblr: _loveisloveshipper . tumblr (remove the spaces)_ and please please please let me know what you think on here or on Tumblr.**


	16. Chapter 16: It's Easy With You

**A/N: Yay an update! I love how this chapter turned out… I felt like you needed a couple of fluffy chapters and this definitely counts as that. There will be a little bit more angst in the next couple of chapters but nothing too bad! A little jealous Brittany which I am looking forward to immensely. Don't forget to follow me on tumblr**_**loveisloveshipper . tumblr**_**(remove the spaces). Let me know what you think on here or there :)**

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><p>The world is often a cold and distant place. We build walls around us to keep others at bay and to avoid being hurt… In the process of shutting ourselves off we often lose what is most important. We get caught up in battles to survive. We forget that we need to do more than just survive and exist… we need to live. A kiss, can, if only for a moment, break down the walls that often separate us… a kiss can momentarily bring two people back to the most basic reason for being.<p>

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><p><strong>Santana's POV<br>**There is a point when a heart fills with so much love that it becomes difficult to breathe. It had to be the most excruciatingly perfect feeling Santana had ever experienced and she could feel herself getting lost all over again… except this time she was getting lost in the girl she loved.

She didn't care that they were standing in front of their friends or that she had just sung a song that reminded her exactly what she had been through in the last couple of weeks… she couldn't bring herself to care about anything except for the feel of Brittany's lips on hers. Each tingle signaled another apology, another unspoken promise passing between them. She could stay like this forever… nothing bad can happen here.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

She didn't want to move from where she was but she began to hear the sound of shuffling from the other members of the glee club pierce her perfect silence and forced herself to release her best friend's faultless lips and turn to face the others. She knew there would be questions and maybe a little confusion as to when their relationship had moved from platonic to romantic. As she turned to face the group she made sure that she kept her arm wrapped tightly around the Latina's waist… this kept her grounded and made all thoughts of running away from the questioning eyes leave her mind. She took a deep breath and raised her eyes to catch Quinn's eyes knowing that there would be a look of reassurance. She caught the hazel eyes in her own and saw the biggest smile gracing the shorter blondes face and she felt herself relax a little more.

"Woah… ok what the hell?" she tensed at the words and turned to face Noah Puckerman who had a look on his face that was almost comical. His jaw was practically hitting the floor and a faint blush on his cheeks that she recognized as arousal. Bile rose in her throat as she realized she had just shared one of the most intimate moments she had ever had in her life with the most indiscreet guy in the whole school. Before she could respond with the biting tone she knew was being held behind her gritted teeth she heard Mercedes speak up.

"You better not be thinking about saying anything remotely degrading or sexist Puck or I swear to God I will come over there and rip that dead ferret off your head." She felt her lips curl up in to a smile at the diva's fierce words and caught the dark brown eyes in hers as she gave a slight nod in gratitude.

"I wasn't about to Mercedes. I just wanted to know how long Santana has been cheating on me for…" The feeling of jealousy swelled in her chest and she subconsciously pulled the Latina closer in to her side as she tried in vain to search for the appropriate words. She felt Santana tense next to her and rubbed a soothing thumb over her hip to calm her down… this was not the time OR place for a Snix outburst.

"Puck…" she began but was cut off almost immediately by the girl next to hers' raised voice.

"Ok… let me explain this in terms that you may understand Puckerman. A) I know you don't think I am stupid enough to not know that you fool around with every single girl that is stupid enough to fall for your so-called 'bad boy' image B) I was using you for SEX and reputation… that is about it… and don't pretend to be hurt by that Noah because I know you know that you were using me as much as I was using you and C) It cannot be classified as CHEATING if we were never, nor will we ever be, together. Comprende?" she tried to hide the pride on her face as she heard Santana pull the cocky jock down a few pegs. She watched as shock flash across Noah Puckerman's face before he forced a look of indifference.

"Pshh… whatever. It was getting boring anyway." She heard Santana chuckle next to her and mumble something in Spanish under her breath that she KNEW was a dig at his wounded pride. She finally found her voice when she saw that none of the other members of Glee were speaking up.

"Does anyone else have anything to say?" she watched as some of the members shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

"Are you guys, like, together?" she heard Rachel ask as she clasped on to Finn's hand.

"Uh, we haven't really got to THAT conversation yet…" she felt stupid for not having the answer to that inevitable question.

"But if we were I'm hoping you would not have a problem with that Rachel… I hope none of you would." She felt her body tense up once more as she watched Rachel slowly rise from her seat and release the hand she had been holding. She couldn't figure out what the girl was doing and all she wanted to do was to just run out the door with Santana and not look back. She looked up just in time to see the diva walk towards them and engulf them both in to a hug. She felt all the stress and worry that was swirling in her body just rush out and mentally chastised herself for thinking that the Glee club would have been anything but supportive. It was almost as if Rachel had started a tidal wave as she watched as each and every single member of the Glee club (even Puck) stood up and made their way over to join the group hug. She felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes and for the first time in what felt like forever she looked to the girl next to her and caught the chocolate eyes in hers. What she saw behind those eyes made her heart soar… the Latina looked proud... Santana was proud of her and she was sure there was no better feeling than what she was experiencing right now. She couldn't tear her eyes away and she felt something that she knew deep down had always been there but, for some reason, she was only just starting to notice it…. She felt like she was coming home.

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><p><strong>Friday Evening:<strong>

As she made her way over to Santana's house she couldn't help but have a spring in her step. Today went a lot better than expected; she didn't even know what she had been so afraid of. There was still some fear that was left because she knew the Glee club to be some of the most accepting people she had ever met in her entire life but there was still the issue of the whole school. She knew she was getting ahead of herself because her and Santana STILL hadn't had the conversation about what they were and how things were going to be from now on but for now she was just going to take it slow… it was still a little overwhelming for her. As she walked up the drive to the house she knew like her own she peered in the bay windows that looked in to the front room and couldn't help but stop and stare. She could see Santana on the couch in the front room with one hand thrown carelessly above her head, her breath hitched as she let her eyes shamelessly wander over the sleeping Latina's perfect body. She watched as Santana's sleep shirt rose a little more each time the brunette's chest rose and fell with each breath… there were no other words to describe the girl she was watching than simply breathtaking. She let herself in the front door using the keys Santana had given her the first day her parents had trusted her to be alone in the house without her Abuela. She removed her shoes at the door and tiptoed her way across the carpet to where her sleeping best friend lay and let herself marvel at the perfect features that adorned her face. She slowly knelt down and let her fingers brush the stray hairs that had floated over the brunette's face in her carefree slumber. Before she could help herself she leaned down and pressed her lips to the corner of Santana's mouth… it was almost as if their lips were magnets and now that they had met once the pull was even stronger. She watched as the brunette stirred a little and let out a soft little moan. She pressed her lips to the other girl's once more only this time making sure to catch the full bee-stung lips completely with hers, she saw the sleepy eyes open and catch hers and she could swear in that moment her heart burst with love. She felt arms come around her neck and pull her in for a warm embrace… sleepy Santana had to be one of the cutest things in the world and she felt a shiver run through her as the brunette buried in to her neck and let out a soft sigh.

"Mmm hi Panda…"

"Hey yourself Tana."

"That was the nicest way to wake up."

"I'm sorry that I woke you up but I couldn't help myself."

"It's ok Panda… You can do it again, you know…"

"Do what again?"

"Kiss me." She didn't need much more than that before she leant back and caught the plump lips in her own once again. There was no way that she would EVER tire of having those lips on hers and she would never tire of the spark that shot through her entire body every time they kissed. She felt Santana's hold on the back of her neck tighten and she subconsciously deepened the kiss by pulling the brunettes bottom lip in between her own. A soft moan bubbled up her throat before she could help and she flushed as she felt Santana smirk in to the kiss. After a while she pulled back, not because she wanted to but because she needed to breathe… being so close to Latina was intoxicating. She couldn't even describe the feeling she got when she was in the same vicinity as her… it's odd to think about the way she felt around her best friend now but if she really searched herself she could see that those feelings had definitely been here all along, they just seemed to intensify once she had accepted those feelings for what they really were.

"So Panda, what movies did you pick out for today?" she rummaged in her bag and brought out the four blockbuster DVD's she had picked up on the way over.

"Um… I have 'The Lady and the Tramp', 'The Princess Protection Program' and I know what you're going to say Tana but Selena is EPIC in this! 'Kill Bill' and 'Alice in Wonderland'. You see Tana I did keep your movie preferences in mind." She watched a smile creep over the brunette's features and couldn't help but smile back. Although Santana would never admit it Alice in Wonderland was one of her favourite films of all time and it wasn't the Tim Burton version that had all the action and Johnny Depp… it was the animated one and it was just another reason that Brittany loved her.

They always seemed to argue about which movie they watched first but came to an easy compromise when they decided that Santana could pick the first movie if Brittany got to order her favourite toppings on the pizza. Movie nights had been a long standing tradition between the two and they had their own specific way of doing things. They always laid down as many cushions and blankets on the floor as they could before they started any movie. They had finally settled in to watch the movies once the pizza had been delivered and devoured within half an hour… one of the perks of living in a small town meant that food was delivered pretty quickly.

Santana had, of course, picked her favourite movie to start and she couldn't help but smile as she saw the grin light up the brunette's face as the first credits rolled across the screen. They were lying side by side propped up against the couch and surrounded by pillows and they fell in to a comfortable silence. They weren't touching and Brittany somehow felt empty… she stole a quick glance to the girl next to her and saw the look of complete happiness etched in to her features. She smiled to herself as she discreetly shuffled sideways so that she was next to Santana and put her arm around the brunette… what happened next was something she couldn't have even foreseen. She felt Santana shift a little and before she could fully comprehend what was happening she felt the brunette lift herself up and sit back down between her legs and lean back so that her front was pressed to the Latina's back. They had gone from not touching at all to being completely wrapped up in each other in seconds and she couldn't help but chuckle at her best friend because, by god, she NEVER did things by half. She brought her hands around the toned figure of the brunette and lay her palms flat across the defined abs, she felt the girl's breathing pick up a little before she felt hands slide over her own and link their fingers. The weight of the other girl pressed fully against her should have been uncomfortable but she couldn't help but feel completely relaxed as she felt her mind drift away to the feel of the brunette tracing light patterns in to the back of her hand with the pad of her thumb.

She felt the girl between her legs shift and almost groaned in disappointment when she felt the cold air hit her front as Santana moved away. She watched as the brunette picked her way across the cushions scattered across the floor to change the DVD in the machine and was pleasantly surprised when the brunette walked back over and settled herself back in to the same position without missing a beat. She heard the familiar first bars of one of her favourite songs start up as the DVD menu rolled on to the screen.

_Oh this is the night, it's a beautiful night  
>And we call it bella notte<br>Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes  
>On this lovely bella notte.<br>Side by side with your loved one,  
>You'll find enchantment here.<br>The night will weave its magic spell,  
>When the one you love is near!<br>Oh this is the night, and the heavens are right!  
>On this lovely bella notte!<em>

She closed her eyes in contentment as Santana started the movie. She subconsciously moved her hand up and started running her hands through the soft raven hair taking care to drag her fingernails across Santana's scalp. She felt the girl shiver and smiled to herself and almost had to pinch herself as she couldn't believe what that small movement did to her body. All her nerve endings seemed to be on fire and her entire being seemed to be fine tuned to Santana's every move. If the brunette shifted her body followed subconsciously so that they were molded together once again.

Halfway through the movie both girls seemed to have forgotten all about it. They were lying side by side facing each other and staring in to each other's eyes as if the meaning of life was hidden there. She lifted her left hand to trace her fingers across the Latina's brow down her cheek to her neck and shuddered as she felt the heartbeat speed up almost imperceptibly beneath her finger tips as she reached the brunette's pulse point. She felt the arms that were wrapped tightly around her waist tighten and saw the eyes that bored in to hers flutter close at the sensation. She ran her eyes over the features that she was sure she had never properly seen before tonight… Santana really was breathtaking, it was almost overwhelming. She felt legs wrap around hers and she shifted closer so that almost every part of their bodies was touching, she closed her eyes and just reveled in the feel of the warm body pressed closely against hers. She let out a contented sigh and opened her eyes to find brown eyes staring intently at her as if they could see right through to the core of her soul.

"What are you thinking about Panda?" it felt odd to hear the voice since they had been silent for so long.

"Not much… just thinking about you… us."

"Yeh? Me too."

"I was just thinking how easy it is with you Tana…"

"What's easy?" she couldn't help but smile as she saw the look of confusion on the brunette's face, she didn't even need to think about her answer… it flowed out of her almost as if she was breathing.

"Everything…" she watched as that one word registered on Santana's face and she blushed as she felt the girl hold on tighter. She watched as the brunette moved the short distance between them to press their lips together. She sighed in to the kiss and reveled in the feeling of complete and utter happiness… in that moment she was inexplicably happy and there was nothing that could change that. She felt the brunette move away and chuckled softly as Santana nuzzled their noses together in a soft Eskimo kiss. She looked deep in to the brown eyes and felt a serenity she had never felt before… she took a deep breath and let loose the words she had been holding in for so long

"I just can't seem to pull myself away from you anymore. To be honest I'm sick of trying Tana… I love you"

"I know Panda… me too."

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><p><strong>AN: Phew and there is Chapter 15 my lovelies. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it… I LOVE reviews so please don't hesitate :). Sorry for any mistakes… it's late here and my eyes are fuzzy ;). Don't forget to follow me on tumblr:**_**loveisloveshipper . tumbl**__**r (remove the spaces)**_**and please please please let me know what you think on here or on Tumblr.**


	17. Chapter 17: Every Single Part Of Me

**A/N: I know I was supposed to post this 2 days ago but I got caught up. I know, I know it's no excuse but hopefully this makes up for it :). Here is some jealous Britt and I have to admit I enjoyed writing this immensely. I hope you enjoy reading just as much. Don't forget to let me know what you think on here or on tumblr: **_**loveisloveshipper . tumblr**_

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><p>Just a simple touch and I lose my heart all over again.<p>

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><p><strong>Santana's POV<strong>

She woke up to the feel of the softest touches on her face and eyelids… she couldn't help the hairs that rose on her forearms and the back of her neck and she slowly cracked an eye open fully expecting to see sunlight streaming through the curtains. To her surprise she was met with almost total darkness and just the feel of soft fingertips tracing intricate patterns on her skin. She couldn't help but think back to the last time she woke up next to Brittany only to see her trying to find a way to sneak out. The sharp pain in her chest from the memory caused her to shudder, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by the blonde facing her and she knew in that moment that they were thinking about the same thing. She felt the sweet breath on her face before she even heard the words leave the blonde's mouth.

"Tana?" she slowly lifted her eyes to the sound of the voice and look directly towards where she thought the baby blue eyes would be.

"Mhmmm?"

"Do you trust me?" the voice was so quiet she was almost sure she had misheard… she was hoping she had misheard because she was afraid of the answer. She would always trust the blonde but after everything that transpired she was afraid to say the words aloud. How could she still trust someone so completely so soon after having it ripped away… She had promised herself when it had all happened that she wouldn't risk the chance of getting hurt, for some reason, when she was with the blonde, it all seemed worth it. She could almost feel the apprehension pouring out of the other girl as she waited for the answer. She took a deep breath and said what she felt in her heart.

"I will ALWAYS trust you B. But... I – I am so completely terrified of the fact that I do..." In that moment she was so glad for the darkness because it meant she would not see the flash of pain she knew was in the icy blue eyes… one thing she couldn't avoid, though, was the pained gasp that accompanied it. She felt her heart twinge and subconsciously pulled the girl closer in to her body and was infinitely relieved to find the familiar hand wrap itself around the back of her shirt.

"Do you trust me, Panda?"

"With every… single… part of me, Tana." Those words made the breath catch in her throat. She felt Brittany's thumb caress her cheek and couldn't help a tear spill out of her eye… almost as soon as she felt it roll down her cheek she felt the soft lips she had grown to love so much touch the track the tear had left. The blonde continued planting gentle kisses over her cheeks and she felt herself melt in to the touch… she felt the lips place a kiss on each of her eyelids and she knew that each one was another apology that was too difficult to say aloud.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

She was so tired of trying to fight the way she was feeling… why do people even try to fight love? Love is what makes people actually start living instead of merely existing. In that moment her heart was breaking in the most exquisite way… she had the bitter taste of pain in her mouth as she thought about how she had hurt the girl she was falling for so completely but, at the same time her heart soared when she heard the girl say that she still trusted her. As she leaned in to kiss away the tears rolling down her best friend's cheek she felt the girl relax more in to the embrace and, finally, after weeks she felt at peace.

The lazy kisses she was peppering all over the shorter girl's face were eliciting cute little moans from her and it made Brittany want to continue forever. Before she knew what was happening she felt the brunette move her head up and capture her lips in a soft kiss and she felt a moan rumble up in her chest… she instantly felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment… Santana just chuckled and she felt herself relax once more in to the embrace. The kisses slowly became more passionate and she almost cried out when she felt Santana's soft tongue trace a line across her bottom lip before sucking it in to her mouth. She opened her mouth slightly and felt almost drunk at the taste of the other girl in her mouth when she felt the brunette's tongue slip through her barely parted lips to begin massaging hers. She was trying to remember a time when she had felt something so right. Their tongues were doing the most perfect dance and she could feel her body start to heat up as they moved impossibly closer together. She felt Santana pull away slightly and press their foreheads together as she struggled to catch her breath… her breath stopped short once more as the hand that the brunette was using to languidly trace indecipherable patterns in to the small of her back came around her hip and up her stomach lightly to rest on her chest. She felt the hand press flat and just lay there and closed her eyes at the sensation of the fingers playing with the neckline of the t-shirt she was wearing.

"B… your heart…" the soft light of dawn was peeking through the curtains as she raised her eyes to catch the chocolate brown orbs in hers. She held the gaze for a few moments knowing that nothing would ever take away the memory of what she was seeing right now… it was one of the rare times that Santana had left herself completely open and the amount of love pouring out of those eyes was mind-blowing. She watched as the corners of the brunette's lips curled up in to a soft smile as she felt the plump lips on hers once more.

Before she knew what she was doing she had rolled the Latina on to her back and was now pressed flush against her. She saw the shock pass across Santana's face and couldn't help but chuckle slightly… familiar arms snaked around her waist to rest on the small of her back pulling her almost imperceptibly closer. The brunette's legs parted to accommodate hers so they could be closer… but as she leaned down to recapture the Latina's lips she heard a gasp from the other girl and instantly panicked.

"Oh my god Tana… did I hurt you?"

"No, B… you didn't HURT me…" _What? _She felt her brows furrow as she tried to figure out what the Latina was saying but came up empty handed. As she tried to move so as to let Santana free she felt the hands around her waist pull tighter and finally figured out what had happened. She rolled her hips carefully once more and heard the same gasp escape the girl beneath her. She felt lips press against her once more and couldn't help but notice the change in pace… the brunette's lips were moving against hers faster and she could feel the hips under her forming a rhythm that matched her own. She broke away from the kiss to press light kisses along the underside of Santana's jaw… somewhere in the back of her mind she knew they should slow down but the noises escaping the Latina's mouth were throwing any rational thoughts out the window almost as soon as they had entered her mind. She moved her head down to rest her lips against the brunette's pulse point, pressing kisses there every so often… she felt her entire body shudder at the feel of the other girl's heartbeat against her lips. That final shudder pulled a low moan from the Latina and she felt her stop breathing as her back arched up off the bed pushing Brittany up with her. She looked down at her best friend's face and felt her heart constrict… she had never seen anything so breath-taking. The brown eyes were squeezed shut as her mouth fell open in to a perfect 'O' shape. Bringing her hand up to brush away the strands of hair covering the girl's eyes she watched as a soft tongue darted out of her mouth to lick the plump lips. As she slowly traced her thumb over the girls cheek bone and down to her bruised and swollen lips she watched as the Latina fisted the sheets in one hand until her knuckles were white and the other gripped forcefully on to the hand she held in hers… with one final shudder of the girl beneath her she watched her slowly sink back in to the bed… there were soft puffs of air flying past her ear that she came to realise were words being repeated over and over again.

"I trust you… I trust you… I trust you…". It sounded almost like Santana was saying this to herself as if trying to convince her entire being it was the truth. She felt almost embarrassed as she listened to the intimate words she knew were not meant for her ears.

The shock of what had just happened hit her like a ton of bricks… she didn't even have time to react before she the girl had completely crumbled. She stared wide-eyed down at the beautiful brunette and watched as a slow blush crept up the toned neck to cover her face. She willed Santana to open her eyes as she watched the look on the brunette's face shift from pure pleasure to panic and shame.

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><p><strong>Santana's POV<strong>

_Oh my god… what the hell just happened. HOW could that have happened… she was barely touching me…_

She felt the tears spring to her eyes as she realized that they had just taken things way further than they had meant to… and it was her fault because she had let herself go. She kept her eyes closed for as long as she could, not because she was wanted to but because she was so scared of what she would see when she opened her eyes and looked up in to the ice blue she knew was staring down at her. She took a deep breath and let her eyes flutter open slowly and what she found were indeed the perfect blue orbs searching her face. There was a look behind them she had never seen before and felt the slow panic grip her heart… the last time something like this had happened they hadn't even looked in to each other's eyes so how could she be sure that this wasn't the same look as then?

"Oh god… Brittany I am so sorry. Please don't leave me… Please…" she could hear the desperation in her voice and prayed the other girl had enough compassion not to break her heart again.

"Tana? What are you talking about? Why would I leave you?"

"I thought… just – I mean… last time y – you know…" she could feel her throat constricting as she willed herself to say the words she knew she needed to say to make the other girl understand why she was so terrified. She couldn't help but shift her eyes away from the blonde's intense gaze and let her eyes fall instead to their still entwined fingers on the bed.

"Oh my god… Tana. I will NEVER leave you like that again. Ok? That was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen…" she closed her eyes and let a final tear slip from them as she willed herself to really HEAR what the girl hovering above her was saying.

"Tana…? Baby, look at me…" she turned to catch the blue eyes in hers once more and felt a small smile creep on to her face. Before she could stop herself she leant up and caught the girl's soft lips in hers once more, smiling wildly in to the kiss.

"What was that for?"

"You called me 'baby'…" she wasn't even trying to hide the mega-watt smile that was pasted on her face.

"Huh, I guess I did 'BABY'" she heard the blonde let out a soft laugh before rolling of on to her side. She felt the tightening of the hand gripped in her shirt and felt Brittany nuzzle in to her neck letting out a soft sigh.

"Mmm, night again Panda."

"Night baby."

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><p><strong>Saturday Morning:<strong>

She had woken up slowly and comfortably pressed against the blonde's back a little after 10 to see the sunlight streaming through the curtains. The weather outside was a perfect reflection of what she was feeling. She felt the blonde mumble sleepily and shuffle further backwards in to her front and she felt a smile creep up her face as she nuzzled the blonde hair breathing in the mixed smell of coconuts and sleep that would be forever be imprinted on her brain as the smell of the first time she ever felt pure happiness. They were both snapped out of their early morning doze when her phone buzzed and chirped loudly on the bedside table next to them. She watched as the blonde reach down and pick up the phone to pass it to her but she saw Brittany stop slightly before passing it back.

**From: Chelsea Miller 10:13am: "So Lima Bean at 11, right? xox" **

Chelsea was on the squad with them and Santana had asked her to help catch her up on some of the subjects at school. Usually Santana was on top of everything and generally managed to fly by without doing much work but in the last couple of weeks she had been slipping. With everything that had happened with Brittany she hadn't been in the mood for school work so her grades had slipped. She hadn't told Brittany this for one reason… because she didn't her to blame herself for it. She would have been ashamed to admit it to anyone else but she was the one who had helped Chelsea pass Spanish last year and felt she could collect on the favour without letting the secret out.

**To: Chelsea Miller 10:15am: "Yeh, no worries. See you there :) x**

She tapped out the quick reply and placed her phone under the pillow behind her as she turned to snuggle back in to the blondes back. She could feel the deep breathing of the other girl and knew that she had fallen back to sleep. Santana slowly moved her arm from beneath the blondes head and shuffled away slowly so as not to wake her. She would only be gone for about an hour and a half and she knew how much her best friend loved to sleep in on the weekends so what harm would it do to leave her here and come back for more cuddles later.

She showered and dressed quickly before realizing that she was running late. She placed a soft kiss to the blonde's forehead and placed a note on the pillow next to her in case she woke up before running out the door.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

When she awoke again it was just after 11 and she had a weird feeling in her stomach which she quickly dismissed as hunger. She rolled over to face the brunette only to find the other side of bed empty and cold telling her that the Latina had woken up quite a while ago. As she rolled over she felt something crinkle beneath her head and pulled out a note that Santana had obviously left her.

_Panda,_

_If you're reading this you've woken up and realized I am not there. I just had to run out for a couple of hours. I am just at the Lima Bean but will be back really soon. You looked so beautiful sleeping there so I didn't want to wake you. I just had to run out to do a couple of things I completely forgot I had to do today. Forgive me :)? Will you stay until I come back?_

_I love you Panda._

_Tana xxxxxxxx_

She couldn't help but smile at the sweet words on the page and could tell that Santana had been nervous because even in writing she was rambling. She rolled over and stretched out pushing her hands underneath the pillows above her head. Her hands brushed over something cold and smooth and swiftly pulled the phone from under the pillow and realized quickly Santana must have left it behind when she left earlier. As she sat up her finger brushed against the screen by accident and the phone lit up, normally she would be completely against snooping through someone's phone but the obnoxious red light blinking on the phone and the notification telling her there were 6 texts and 2 missed calls were too tempting to ignore. Before she could stop herself she had run her finger across the screen to unlock the phone and the message list was pulled up. She couldn't help the tightening in her chest when she saw that all the messages were from Chelsea.

**From: Chelsea Miller 11:03am: "I'm here already at the table in the far corner. Are you close? Xoxo"**

**From: Chelsea Miller 11:12am: "Santana? Where are you? I just tried calling you… you still wanted to do this today right? xoxo"**

_Do what?_

**From: Chelsea Miller 11:14am: "Santana I did not get my ass out of bed on a Saturday morning to get stood up…"**

_Stood up?_

**From: Chelsea Miller 11:17am: "If you are not here in 10 minutes I'm leaving…"**

She didn't even need to look at the other two messages to know that they pretty much said the same thing… why would Santana be meeting Chelsea on the weekend? Especially since she knew that they always spent the weekend together. There was an unfamiliar feeling beginning to set itself low in her stomach and it was strong enough to make her want to throw up. Without a thought in her head about the consequences or what she was about to do she jumped quickly out of the bed and began to pull on her sweats. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and she could feel the palms of her hands begin to get clammy. At the back of her mind she knew there was some rational explanation for Santana leaving her in bed alone after everything that had happened the previous night but somehow her heart and the rest of the body didn't want to hear it. Within 5 minutes of getting dressed she was in her car trying to stop her hands from shaking as she started her car and backed recklessly out of the drive.

She must've broken every single road rule on the way to the coffee shop because a journey that should have taken at least 25 minutes took her just under 15. She pulled in to the parking lot and parked her car in the first space she could find not even caring that she was crossing lines on both sides… her blood was boiling. She reached the door and almost ran in to a couple making them drop their food but she was past them before they could start yelling. Her eyes seemed to be blurry as she scanned the entire coffee shop. She found the red headed cheerleader sitting in the corner where she said she would be and promptly marched over to her.

"Where is she?" she could feel herself spitting the words… she was almost shocking herself with the severity of her tone and wasn't surprised when the other girl jerked up her head and a look of pure astonishment settled on her face.

"Um… who? What are you talking about Brittany?"

"Don't play dumb with me Chelsea… it's not a good look on you. Where is she, huh? Santana… where is she?" her heart continued to speed up as she watched the girl bow her head and fiddle with the coffee collar on her cup and this just seemed to infuriate her more… the least Chelsea could do was look her in the eyes.

"I – I umm…" Chelsea's hazel eyes shifted to look over Brittany's shoulder which caused her to spin around bringing her almost nose to nose with Santana.

"B? What are you doing here?" she felt the anger rise up in her throat once more as she looked at the look of pure innocence on the brunette's face.

"I came to bring you your phone. You know… the one you left it at home when you hurried off to your little date this morning!" she knew she was making a scene as the chatter in the coffee shop noticeably died down and dozens of eyes turned to look in their direction.

"B…"

"No Santana… don't 'B' me! You left me in your bed… alone…. Just so you could rush off to your date with Little Miss Perfect over here. I thought we were past all the lying? I thought we were getting to somewhere good." She felt her resolve break and the tears start forming in the corners of her eyes. She forced herself to look away so that she didn't show the Latina just how much she was hurting.

"Brittany… please let me explain…"

"No Santana… there's nothing to explain." With those words she turned on her heel and flew out of the coffee shop without a look back. The tears were flowing freely from her eyes when she reached her car and she was struggling to push the key in to the door to unlock it. She heard hurried footsteps behind her and hurried even more so she could get out of this god forsaken place.

"BRITTANY! Please wait." Despite everything she was feeling her body jerked at the sound of the brunette's desperate voice.

"What Santana… what could you possibly have to say?" she raised her head to look at the brunette with the coldest look she could muster. She watched the Latina bow her head and scolded herself immediately for taking a concerned step forward. _Why am I feeling sorry for her?_

"She's tutoring me…"

"Ha… yeh right. You're like one of the smartest people at school. If you're going to come up with excuses at least make it something believable." She couldn't hide the disbelief in her voice that the Latina had the audacity to lie right to her face after she had been caught so blatantly red handed.

"No B… it's the truth. I started falling behind when all of this started happening between us. I helped Chelsea pass Spanish last year and I knew she would help me no questions asked. She's trying to catch me up before midterms…" she caught the brown eyes in hers and saw the pure honesty pouring out of them. She often felt like a fool but none of those times even came close to what she was feeling right now. She felt all the anger rush out of her as she took another cautious step towards the Latina and wrapped her in her arms… relieved that Santana didn't pull away.

"Tana… why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to blame yourself… like you said we were finally getting to a good place and I didn't want ANYTHING to ruin it."

"You can talk to me about anything Tana… and yes I am devastated that it had come to that… I had no idea and I am so sorry."

"God B… please don't apologise… it's not your fault in any way. I should have taken responsibility for my life even though I was hurting. Do you forgive me?"

"I should be asking YOU that." They remained wrapped up in each other's arms both of them still shaking slightly from what had just happened. She felt the shorter girl mumble something in to the crook of her neck. She pulled away slightly so she could hear what was being said.

"I thought you said you trusted me Panda… how could you EVER think I would cheat on you? Do you really trust me or were you just saying that?" she suddenly remembered the conversation they had had the night before and admitted to herself that what she had just done would have made anyone second guess things so it was no surprise that Santana had done the same.

"Of course I do… I just got a little crazy and besides I know how Chelsea can be. I am so sorry Tana."

"It's ok B… it's kinda hard to stay mad at you. Besides what you just did made me feel like I meant something to someone for once. Like, I don't know, l – like someone cared enough to fight for me."

"I will ALWAYS fight for you…"

"I know… hey panda…?"

"mmhmm?"

"Jealous Britt is kinda hot." She couldn't help but chuckle at the words and pulled the shorter girl in tighter.

"Let's go home Tana… I wants to get my cuddle on."

"Ugh don't even try Panda. You will never be as ghetto as me."

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><p><strong>AN: Aaaaaand there is Chapter 17 :). I really hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to leave a review… I am going to respond to each one personally and would love to hear what you think. You can let me know on here or on tumblr: **_**loveisloveshipper . tumblr**_

**xShay**


	18. Chapter 18: You Won't Let Me Fall

**A/N: **Here is Chapter 18 my lovelies (Longest chapter yet yay). Sorry it took me so long to write but I had to plan it out in my head and I am pretty sure I stopped, deleted and rewrote it abou 10 times ;). I hope you enjoy it… it didn't turn out exactly like I had hoped but PLEASE let me know what you think on here or on tumblr: **loveisloveshipper . tumblr**

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><p>The inexpressible comfort of feeling <em>safe <em>with a person – having neither to weigh your thoughts nor measure the words you say, but pouring them all out just as they are. It's about finding comfort in the fact that the hand, that fits so perfectly with yours, will take the jumbled thoughts and words and sort through them to keep the ones worth keeping and blow the rest away with the kindest breath.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

The incident from this morning had been long forgotten as she lay on the sofa with the brunette nestled in her arms. She could feel the steady stream of breaths hit her neck as the Latina slumbered on. She took the time to rake her eyes over the smaller girl's body and took in all that was Santana. She could feel her breath catch in her throat as she looked over the angelic face that was pressed up against her chest. The only time Santana ever looked completely at peace was when she was in a deep sleep and she could see the crease that usually held a permanent position between her eyebrows was smoothed out and the corners of her mouth were turned up in a sleepy smile. She was so lost in the breathtaking beauty that she hadn't felt the subtle change in Santana's breath signaling her awakened state.

"Panda… stop creeping." She felt the blush explode on her face as she averted her eyes too late.

"Sorry Tana, you just looked so… at ease."

"That's cos I am B. Sorry about falling asleep…"

"Don't worry about it, it's nice just being here."

"Yeh it really is. You hungry Panda?"

"I could eat." She watched as a wicked smile spread across the Latina's face and could almost predict what the brunette was about to say before the words had even left her lips.

"Good, cos I wanna get my breadsticks on!" Yup, she knew that was coming but with the brunette's eyes sparkling so adorably and the unmistakable excitement passing over her face she knew there was no way she had enough resolve to refuse the girl what she wanted… ANYTHING and EVERYTHING she wanted.

As they drove through the relatively quiet streets of Lima she couldn't help but chuckle as she became conscious of their body language. She had turned her entire body towards Santana and was unabashedly trailing her eyes up and down her best friend's lean body while Santana had reached her hand over the center console to press their hands together almost as soon as they had started the car… almost like it was reflex now. It was really a testament to their friendship that they had been able to transition from best friends to something more so easily. Although they had yet to define what it was that was happening between them she knew it wasn't hard to miss that they were completely enraptured. The amount of love she felt pour out of Santana every time they were together HAD to be obvious to anyone they came in to contact with.

Dinner at breadsticks was uneventful and she actually had to consciously tell herself to keep eating every time she got TOO absorbed in what Santana had been saying or doing. She knew she had been caught out staring at least a half a dozen times because an adorably shy smile would flash across the brunette's face when she was just a second too late in averting her gaze back to her food. Her mind seemed to be running on over drive and all she could think about was how the brunette felt in her arms and could almost taste how disappointed she was that they were in public and she couldn't just lean over and place feather light kisses to Santana's cheek, forehead, and lips… hell everywhere she could reach.

When the bill arrived she saw Santana move to pick up the little black folder and she almost fell over the side of the table as she leaned across and snatched it up before the brunette could go any further.

"Panda? What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm paying tonight."

"Um ok… why? I mean, I know you like Breadstix too, B, but I was the one who dragged you here so it's only fair that I pay."

"Stop it Tana.. I'm paying. Period." She watched with a smile on her face as Santana huffed indignantly, crossing her arms and making a little pouty face like an insolent child. She smiled at the waitress as she slipped the bills in and told her to keep the change.

"You coming, Tana?" The shorter girl was still pouting and despite the evil glare she was on the receiving end of, she chuckled and knelt down in front of Santana.

"Santana… stop pouting. I just… I wanted to – um – I wanted to pay for our official first date… I mean – you - if you don't mind me calling this a date. That's why I wouldn't let you pay…" she had never seen someone's face change so quickly as she watched a 1000 watt smile replace the pout.

"Date?"

"Um… yeh. If you want it to be…" Santana's head glanced side to side furtively before leaning forward and placing the quickest of kisses right on her lips. She swore her heart just about fell out of her chest.

"So… home?"

As she led the way out of the restaurant and in to the dark and deserted parking lot she pulled her jacket tighter around her to shield off the biting wind. Before she could turn to make sure Santana was following her she felt a hand run down her forearm and link their fingers together, she took a deep breath and felt the scent that was Santana take over her senses and pretty much hold them hostage. She almost forgot to breathe as she felt the brunette's right arm come up grip on to her bicep while their other hands remained entwined. They were about as wrapped up in each other as they could be while still being able to walk and this did something to her heart that she couldn't even describe. As they arrive at Santana's car she realized she couldn't even help herself anymore and managed to spin the brunette so that her back was pressed up against the car. Santana let out a soft breath and she could feel it hit her face as she leaned down to capture the soft lips in hers.

A groan left her lips as she swiped her tongue gently over the brunette's lower lip and inwardly breathed a sigh of relief as Santana granted her access. She wasted no time in pushing her tongue through the slightly parted lips to swirl against Santana's tongue and teeth. She had to hold back a smirk when she felt hands run up her stomach and grip tightly to the bottom of her shirt as a moan floated through the brunette's lips followed by a contented sigh.

**Santana's POV:**

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><p>She was completely taken by surprise. One minute they were walking through the parking lot hand in hand, heads bowed against the freezing wind and the next she was pushed up against the driver's side of her car with lips pushing on to hers. Not that she was complaining... she had been looking for an excuse to kiss Brittany like this all night but had held off because the other girl had been acting strange. Ever since this morning Brittany had been less talkative and she had caught the blonde staring intently at her on more than one occasion today. She wasn't sure if she should be worried or not but the intensity of the stares had been unnerving… almost as if the blonde was looking for something in particular but it kept evading her. Now, it was a completely different story… with the relentless lips on hers and the, oh-so-soft, tongue pushing its way into her mouth her worry just seemed to dissolve.<p>

Her hands were pushed up against rock hard abs and were gripping on to the hem of Brittany's shirt as if she needed something that would stop her from falling off the earth completely. As she waded through the hazy fog that invaded her brain she remembered that they were still in public and, while she was reveling in the fact that Brittany was the one who had kissed her like this in public, it was getting a bit too heated for prying eyes. She forced herself to pull away and had to stifle a whimper as she felt the cold air hit her burning lips and she felt the loss of contact with every fiber of her being. The blonde continued pressing kisses to every piece of uncovered skin and she felt her breath hitch every single time the lips hit somewhere new… she knew she would quickly lose her resolve if this continued.

"Britt..?" she whispered against lips that were coming up to meet hers once more. "Britt…?" feather light kisses were still being pressed in to the crook of her neck and she subconsciously dipped her head back to give Brittany more access before shaking her head slightly to bring herself out of her living dream. "PANDA!"

"Tana?" she felt the blonde finally pull back and bit her lip at the lust invaded eyes that was completely contradicted by the look of rejection on Brittany's face."

"We should stop, B."

"Why…? Do you not want this?" the ice blue eyes began to water slightly and she placed her hand on Brittany's chest to give her some sort of reassurance.

"No… No I do Britt… more than anything. Just – uh – maybe not here, yeh?"

"Oh right, sorry." She watched Brittany chuckle slightly and pulled her hands from her waist.

"Home?"

"Home."

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

The drive home had been similar to the one they had taken not 2 hours ago except this time the sexual tension and energy of the car was palpable. The air was vibrating around them as if every single particle had picked up on the connection they were sharing in that moment and had come alive because of it. Their hands rested comfortably entwined on the center console and she could feel the pad of Santana's thumb tracing indecipherable words on to the back of her hand.

Santana closed and locked the door behind them as they entered the dark house, their hands never being apart for long before fingers entwined once more. The only sounds that could be heard in the thick air were the slow and steady breaths from Santana and the slightly more erratic breathing she could feel escaping her chest that matched her pounding heartbeat. Despite how had she had been feeling earlier she sensed the slow creep of nerves start at her toes threatening to engulf her entire being.

"B… we don't have to do this you know…?"

"I know… I want to – it's just - I dunno…" she felt the words stick in her throat… what she had really wanted to say was that she didn't want to ruin something so perfect. They had been so good for the last couple of days and she couldn't help but worry that sex would ruin it… I mean it was sex that had ruined their friendship… granted it got them to where they were now but what if it was awful or that it didn't live up to expectation. They had been drunk when they had done it each time before… what if it was boring or she wasn't good enough…

"Panda… look at me. We don't have to do anything, ok? Why don't we just go to bed, I am happy just laying with you." She glanced up and caught the dark brown eyes in hers and saw the complete ease they held and it was if they conveyed everything on to her as she felt her body relax.

Once they reached the room Santana moved over to her dresser and tossed her a pair of sleep shorts and a clean t-shirt. As she moved towards the bathroom to change she caught sight of her best friend pulling off her own t-shirt to dress for bed and her breath caught in her throat. The only light in the bedroom was from the bedside lamp and it cast a soft glow about the room, tossing shadows in all the right places of Santana's body… she was sure she had never seen something so perfect.

When she reentered the bedroom Santana was already in bed with the comforter resting comfortably just below her hips… the nerves that had dissipated slightly started to course through her in full force once again. She moved to the side of the bed slowly and became aware of the soft music playing in the background… the chorus of Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones was floating through the air and she felt each note hit her skin as if fingers were brushing over her.

"I love this song…"

"Mmm, me too Panda."

She slid in to the cool sheets and turned to face Santana, each breath growing shallower as she took in the beauty before her. They locked eyes and she saw the love pouring out of her best friend and found that all her inhibitions seemed to melt away. Contrary to what had happened in the parking lot, it was now Santana's turn to take the lead and she knew it. A soft smile graced the brunette's features as she leant in and Brittany could feel herself holding a breath as she waited for the contact that she craved. Soft lips caught hers once again only this time the pace was languid and relaxed. With each soft caress of their lips she felt her confidence return and with each passing minute she felt her body move closer to Santana's. Pretty soon their bodies were pressed flush against each other and she could feel the heat of her best friend's body begin to ignite every nerve ending that it touched. She pulled away slowly to look in to Santana's dark brown eyes causing their lips to smack and the brunette to give a small giggle that seemed to dissolve any remaining tension in the room. She couldn't tell you how long they had been lying there with their lips colliding in the gentlest of ways but she could tell you that there were no feelings in the world that could rival hers right now.

She watched as Santana brought her palm up to caress her cheek and Brittany immediately grabbed the wrist to press their hands palm to palm next to them. Heads moved forward in sync and lips touched once more… she let her tongue slip forward to graze against the brunette's lips and felt them part beneath her soft touch before she pushed her tongue through the swollen lips. Her body was burning with the same fire she had in the parking lot and it burned deep in the pit of her stomach almost as if the flame had been reignited from the embers left from earlier. A wave of courage took over her and she grasped Santana's palm in hers as she pushed both hands underneath the comforter to rest between their stomachs. Santana's hand released hers and timidly traced down each defined ab to tickle the sliver of exposed skin between her t-shirt and sleep shorts. She traced her fingers along the hem of Santana's tank top and boldly slipped underneath it to trace patterns in to the soft skin of the brunette's stomach before tracing her hands up and down the girl's side, each time slipping dangerously close to the soft mounds of flesh she was dying to touch.

"Can I take this off?" she heard the whisper against her mouth as she felt a small tug at the hem of her t-shirt. She didn't trust her voice at this point so she gave a curt nod instead and watched as a look of relief passed over Santana's face. Their bodies parted slightly so the shirt could be pulled over her head and before she could lose her nerve her hands tugged at the brunette's shirt as well and pulled it off in one swift motion.

She heard Santana's breath hitch in shock as they found themselves naked from the waist up in front of each other for the first time. She saw the bold look leave her best friend's face and she felt she should probably say something to reassure her but found no words for a moment like this. She decided to just show her. As hands wandered and caressed she pushed her lips to the brunette's once more for a chaste kiss before tracing a line of light kisses down her jaw and up to her ear. She was sure Santana could hear her apprehension in each breath as she panted in to the smaller girl's ear… she took the lobe slowly in to her mouth and almost lost her way as the breathiest of moans flew from Santana's lips as Brittany caressed her lobe with a soft tongue. Bodies were rocking in to each other subtly, searching for any kind of friction to release some of the delicious tension flowing through their veins. Pressing her mouth to Santana's pulse point she felt the steady flow of blood underneath the thin layer of skin rush past her lips. She had once told Santana that she loved this spot… she had said that whenever she touched it, she felt connected straight to her heart… That could not be truer than in this moment.

With each kiss, each touch, each breath her courage was building and she knew now that this what she wanted more than anything. She slid her hands down and pushed both palms against Santana's breasts and felt a jolt of pleasure shoot down to her center when she felt the puckered nipples press against her hand. Rotating each hand slowly she pressed down and then caught the nipples between her thumb and forefinger in each hand eliciting a delicious squeak from the brunette. Almost as if Santana was following her lead she suddenly felt hands against her own breasts and let loose a breathy moan as she felt Santana roll her nipples between fingers. What she wouldn't do to dip her head now and take one of the delicious peaks in to her mouth… but she knew that this wasn't a time to rush things and just wanted to make the other girl feel good and keep her comfortable. Panting in to each other's mouths in sync their hands became more daring and before she could help herself her fingers were toying with the waistband of Santana's black underwear. She felt Santana's breath hitch and pull away as she slid one finger past the waistband half an inch… she stopped her downward movement and raised her eyes to look into the brunette's face. Santana had her eyes cast downward and she bumped the brunette's forehead with her nose in an attempt to raise the brown eyes she knew were full of apprehension.

"Santana… baby, look at me… please?" she watched as the head slowly lifted and felt herself being absorbed in to the darker eyes. "We don't have to go any further…"

"No… B, I want to. I'm – I'm just scared." She winced at the words because she knew exactly why Santana was scared. As she continued to stare in to the dark pools behind Santana's eyes she tried to convey every emotion she was feeling. She knew that if Santana understood exactly how much Brittany wanted this… she COULDN'T be scared anymore. She would be confident in the fact that it was different now and the best was yet to come. As she held Santana's eyes in hers she started up tracing light patterns in to the tan skin and watched as a light blush colored the brunette's cheeks. As the song shifted in to one of her favorites she couldn't help but let a small smile creep across her lips as she thought about the lyrics.

_Find me here, speak to me  
>I want to feel you, I need to hear you<br>You are the light that's leading me to the place  
>Where I find peace again<em>

"I know… I know… But it's just me… I am not going to leave you again. Trust me…"

Her fingers pushed further past the waist band of the underwear and she swore she could already feel the heat radiating from the brunette's center. Brown eyes dipped in embarrassment once more and her heart ached at the loss of eye contact… she wanted to see everything that passed through the dark brown… it wasn't enough to just feel it.

_You are the strength that keeps me walking  
>You are the hope that keeps me trusting<br>You are the light to my soul  
>You are my purpose<br>You're everything _

"Just keep your eyes on me, Tana. I promise I'll keep you safe."

As soon as the brown orbs caught hers once again she pushed her entire hand past the waistband and felt her fingers engulfed in a heat so perfect she stopped breathing. She watched Santana's head loll back and her eyes flutter closed as she felt a deep sigh wash over her face tickling her. She stopped her movements and waited for eyes to gravitate back to hers once more before she continued sliding her fingers through the wetness. Moving upwards her fingers came to rest on a tight bundle of nerves and she began to trace slow circles causing Santana to release a guttural moan.

_And how can I stand here with you  
>And not be moved by you<br>Would you tell me how could it be any better than this._

The sounds escaping Santana's mouth were the most perfect things she had ever heard and somehow managed to harmonize beautifully with the song floating in the background. As her hands got bolder her touches got firmer and she knew she was doing something right by the way the brunette's hands were running up and down her back desperately trying to find something to grip on to. Eyes were locked on to each other and it was like nothing could break that contact now… they were strong… they were together. She felt a hand slip over her side and across her stomach before slipping past the waistband of her own sleep shorts. She felt a loud moan rumble through her chest as the hand dipped down to run through her own slick folds eventually keeping time with her own ministrations on Santana.

_You calm the storms and you give me rest  
>You hold me in your hands<br>You won't let me fall  
>You still my heart, and you take my breath away<br>Would you take me in take me deeper now  
>And how can I stand here with you<br>And not be moved by you  
>Would you tell me how could it be any better than<br>this_

Both girls were rocking in to each other's hands now and she could feel each rush of breath and moan float past her face as she watched the brunette get lost in the pleasure. Santana's eyes kept subconsciously rolling backwards in to her head but always came back to claim ice blue in hers after a while. She could feel her breath rushing through her lungs as the beginnings of the greatest pleasure she'd ever experienced settle deep in her stomach. Pushing through the haze of pleasure she moved her fingers lower to trace Santana's entrance for a couple of strokes before pushing past the tight ring of muscles in to velvet heat. Santana 's hand stopped moving as she threw her head back and she made sure to move only slowly to allow the other girl to get used to the new sensation. Brittany was taking everything in… the sight of Santana lost in the throes of pleasure, the feel of the wet heat clenching slowly around her fingers, the smell of sweat and arousal that hung thickly in the air and the sounds of euphoria that mingled with the slow beat of music. The times before this had always been so rushed and neither of them had taken the time to really FEEL what was happening… if it had been anything like this she was pretty sure she wouldn't have taken so long to fully appreciate it. As Santana's head rolled forward once more she felt swollen lips on hers and she took this as a signal to continue. Se slowly pushed her fingers deeper until they were engulfed entirely and she felt the girl shiver beneath her touch.

_Cause you're all I want,  
>You're all I need<br>You're everything... everything  
>You're all I want<br>You're all I need  
>You're everything... everything<em>

Santana's hands dipped lower and pushed inside of her and she swore that it felt like nothing before… it felt nothing like any of the guys she had slept with before and through the alcohol hazed memories she couldn't remember if it had felt this way the last time her and Santana were intimate. As she felt soft fingers push harder in to her core she matched the rhythm with her own and pretty soon they were moaning and panting in to each other mouths, the movement making it nearly impossible to keep kissing.

_You're all I want  
>You're all I need<br>You're everything... everything  
>You're all I want<br>You're all I need  
>Everything... everything<em>

With a final thrust of her fingers she slowly curled them upwards and she felt the brunette clench around her fingers a final time before Santana's entire body tensed and a look of pure pleasure took over her best friend's face. She watched the girl come undone next to her and it was enough to push over the precipice she had been balancing on for so long now. Their breaths fell out of sync as she felt the electric buzz crawl up her toes and take over her entire body. She fought to keep her eyes on Santana's and could see her struggling to do the same.

As their erratic breathing subsided she felt the brunette lean forward to once more capture her lips and she could feel every single aftershock Santana was feeling pass between their lips. As she removed her fingers from the dripping heat Santana's entire body jerked at the loss of contact and before she knew what was happening the fingers inside of her had pushed up once more to brush across a spot inside of her that caused her entire body to tense deliciously again. She could feel the blood rushing through her ears as she came for a second time which took her completely by surprise, as her body stiffened she felt the brunette pull her closer and whisper comforting words that fell on deaf ears. As she came down from her second orgasm her entire body trembled and she was only vaguely aware of the fingers being removed from her body.

She searched for something to say or do but found that in her entire brain, and she was pretty sure the even in the entire English language, there were no words perfect enough for this moment. She felt the brunette curl in to her front as Santana's head came to rest in the crook of her neck pressing light kisses on the sweat covered skin.

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><p><strong>AN: **There's Chapter 18… I don't how I feel about their real first time... I knew how I wanted it to be and how I pictured it in my head. I'm just not sure if how I wrote it lived up to my own expectations haha… let me know what you think. I should give you fair warning now that there will be some drama in the upcoming chapters for both Brittany and Santana but they are pretty much established now, and in my eyes they are and always will be endgame, so nothing terribly bad will happen. Let me know what you think on here or on tumblr: **loveisloveshipper . tumblr **it would really make my day :)!

Song: You're all I want by Lifehouse (one of the most beautiful songs ever written)


	19. Chapter 19: Her Smile Starts My Day

**Ok so this chapter starts off pretty fluffy but there is the drama that I promised. Longest chapter yet.. yay! I am pleased with how this chapter turned out and can't wait for you to read it. Please let me know what you think :). Reviews make me update faster so let me know what you think! Oh, and don't forget to follow me on tumblr: **_**loveisloveshipper . tumblr**_

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><p>How can we be expected to go forward in life knowing exactly what we want when our lives have been plagued by uncertainty? Families can't help how they love you, all they can do is try and hope for the best. Love unconditionally, right? No matter what we have been through with our families we are always taught to love unconditionally and unselfishly… but what happens when one selfish act they commit destroys any good you have ever seen in them? What then?<p>

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

She couldn't say how long they had been lying in the dark in that comfortable silence but she didn't care. They had just been together in the most intimate way it didn't make any sense to try and justify any of it with words.

She sensed Santana shift beside her and let her eyes flutter close as she felt soft fingertips brush the strands of hair sticky with sweat away from her face. Every few seconds she could feel a whisper of sweet breath sweep across her face letting her know the brunette had turned to face her. With the grace of anything but a dancer she heaved her chest sideways in order to roll over, her muscles protested in the most wonderful way as her body moved towards the entity it was craving. Her best friend's face was the picture of perfection but that was nothing new… the look on the tan face matched how she was feeling perfectly, the only difference was the silent tears running down flushed cheeks. She knew that Santana had a hard time keeping her emotions under control and understood completely just how overwhelmed she was feeling. All she could do was bring her knuckles up to the warm cheek and brush them away as she rained her silent love on to the other girl. Every experience and memory she could bring to her mind in that moment paled so drastically in comparison to what they had just been through… together.

"Thank you…" she would have sworn the soft voice was just a figment of her imagination had she not seen the swollen lips in front of her move.

She knew she still didn't have the words she needed to say what she was really feeling so she just lent forward and caught the velvety lips in a gentle kiss hoping that it was enough to give Santana at least a glimpse in to what she was feeling. As she pulled away letting loose a soft smack she caught the brown orbs in hers and saw nothing but peace and happiness behind them. She couldn't ever remember a time she had seen Santana this relaxed and this made her happier than she could imagine. The fact that she was able to make whatever was permanently bothering her best friend disappear, if only for a short time, made her heart sing. As they shifted to get comfortable once more she felt the brunette mold her body in to her side and she felt Santana sigh quietly as she nuzzled in to her neck.

She let herself completely go in the sweet silence that engulfed her and didn't even try to stop her heavy lids from finally succumbing to the wonderful exhaustion her body was feeling. The slow thump of Santana's heart was the sweetest lullaby she could hope to hear and she let it lull in to her a worriless sleep that had been a long time coming.

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><p><strong>Sunday Morning:<strong>

**Santana's POV:**

Waking up could never be considered a strong suit for her, she was always reluctant to move from the peacefulness of her subconscious to the inevitable disappointment she knew the day was going to hold in some form or another. But today… today was different.

She woke up slowly and found herself still wrapped tightly in the arms of her best friend. It was almost as if they hadn't dared move in their sleep for fear of losing contact. She could honestly say she hadn't slept that well in a long time… it was like she had nothing to worry about and all the bad things that creep in to her mind on a daily basis had been scared off by the blissful contentment running through her veins. As she opened her eyes, all she could see was soft milky skin and her breath caught in her throat as she thought about how incredibly smooth it was, tracing her fingers over the spattering of freckles she was amazed at the electricity pulsing through her fingers from just one touch. She nuzzled her face further in to the crook of Brittany's neck as she let her mind wander over the events of last night and couldn't help the sleepy smile that spread on to her face as the details ran clear in her mind. The smell of Brittany also helped in bringing back the rush of memories as there was still a hint of herself tinged on the sleeping blonde's skin. A warm feeling rushed over her as she pondered this… they had given in to each other so completely that she was sure it was now impossible to tell where one soul ended and the other begun.

As she felt the blonde begin to stir beneath her she moved to catch soft lips in hers making sure to keep her eyes open so as the first thing Brittany would see was her. As blue eyes slowly opened she swallowed a soft whimper from between the blonde's lips. As she felt the blonde reactively kiss back she gazed deep in to the ice blue eyes that held hers and reveled in the spark she saw, knowing it was because of her. Soft, languid kisses paved the way in to harder, lustier kisses and felt the familiar tingling in her abdomen as Brittany ran soft fingers through her hair and down her back. She wanted to touch everywhere… taste everywhere… BE everywhere. Before she could understand what was happening she was flipped on to her back and Brittany pushed herself down on top of her sliding a thigh between her own legs. She couldn't help the soft groan that slipped past her lips as she felt the delicious pressure on the place she needed it most. She hadn't even realized until now that both of them were still completely naked and was almost embarrassed to feel her wetness coat her best friend's thigh. She couldn't help the soft whimpers flying past her lips as Brittany dipped to trail soft kisses along her jaw line but shaking the lust induced fog from her brain she managed to build up enough strength to flip them once more. She chuckled at the look of surprise that flashed across the blonde's face before arousal took over.

Pushing herself down on to Brittany she dipped her head to press her lips to the blonde's pulse point and smiled to herself when she felt the fast rush of blood flowing under the skin. Her heart sped up as she thought about the affect she was having on the blonde and moved to trail kisses across her collarbone. Although imaginary, the jolts of electricity that passed through her lips each time they touched milky skin only heightened her awareness of just how strong the bond they had created in the past 48 hours was. Her mind was wonderfully blank and for once she wasn't thinking she was just feeling and she knew Brittany was doing the same. Moving downwards her lips moved over previously un-kissed flesh and she could taste the sleep on the skin as she licked and nibbled. Reaching the perfect mounds of flesh she didn't even hesitate to press soft kisses around each nipple before taking one in to her mouth and rolling her tongue over it eliciting a groan that had to be one of the most beautiful sounds ever to touch her ears. Nimble fingers came up to tangle in the raven hair pushing her face further in to the breast and the chest under her lips began moving more erratically. She was loving the power she held over Brittany in that moment and chanced a glance up to see the blonde's head thrown back against the pillows as ragged breaths poured out of her.

The lovemaking last night had been sensual and quiet so Santana was completely taken aback when she heard desperate words leave the blonde's mouth.

"Please…"

She released the hard nub from her mouth and raised her head to look at the blonde. Surprisingly Brittany hadn't moved to look at her and she watched as the blonde panted and writhed at the loss of contact. She realized she was now completely in control and a devilish thought crossed her mind. She knew now that she was capable of making her best friend writhe in pleasure and was going to stop nothing short of giving her the greatest pleasure she could. As she leant back down she grazed her lips softly across the nipple that was straining to be touched before pulling away again. This earned her another keening whine from Brittany and her plan was put in to motion.

"Please what, B?" she watched the girl writhe beneath here, searching and yearning for any contact.

"Ugh God Santana. Just… just please touch me."

She knew what the blonde was expecting and decided once more to catch her surprise by shuffling further down the bed until she was in line with her wet centre. She had always imagined it to be awkward looking and had always been put off by the thought of any guy going down on her let alone her doing to anyone else but somehow the sounds escaping Brittany's mouth and the intoxicating smell invading her senses made her want to do this more than ever. As she nuzzled in to the milky white thigh she let her teeth graze over smooth skin and left a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Pressing her lips over the sensitive flesh she trailed her tongue upwards to the apex of the blonde's thighs. As she pulled away once more she felt Brittany's hips follow her movement and couldn't help but chuckle at the desperation. Knowing that her teasing was bordering on cruel by this point she didn't hold back any more and leaned all the way in to press a kiss right in the middle of the wet heat and almost instantly Brittany bucked her hips forward and she was caught by surprise as her lips came in to contact with the girl's clit. Pushing her hands round the toned thighs to rest on the blonde's stomach she finally let herself really taste the girl. Her eyes rolled back in to her head as her best friend's taste rolled over her tongue, it was so distinctly Brittany it almost made her cry tears of joy. As she let her mouth explore she found it was getting easier to tell what felt good for her best friend and experimented with wrapping her soft lips over the bundle of nerves and running her tongue over the sensitive flesh.

"Holy fuck… San – Santana. Oh god, that f-oh it feels so good." Her head jerked up in response as she stared in surprise at the girl above her. She had never once heard her best friend swear and once again her heart filled with so much passion at the mere thought that it HER who was making her feel like this… it was HER pulling the noises from the blonde's perfect body. Finally deciding it was probably time to give Brittany what she wanted she placed a last firm kiss in to the wet centre before running kisses up the toned body once more to come face to face with pure pleasure etched on the blonde's face. She reached her hand down and let her fingers trace small circles in to the recently neglected heat, running her fingers over the bundle of nerves every so often. The blonde's eyes were clenched shut and she could feel the blunt nails digging in to the flesh of her back.

"Santana… please. I can't take anymore. Please baby…" that one word was what did it for Santana and she allowed her fingers to speed up and press firmly in to her clit.

"Inside.."

"What B?"

"Inside… me… now."

She let her fingers dip further down to press against the blonde's entrance. Hesitating slightly she let her eyes wander over the beauty that was before her. Brittany's face was scrunched up in pleasure as her head pushed deeper in to the pillow below her.

"Look at me, B." she watched as the head slumped forward slightly and hooded eyes met hers. She could feel the each breath blow past her face as she took in the look of pure lust and desperation swirling through the ice blue eyes.

"I want to see you, B. Look at me when I take you." As the blonde opened her mouth to say something back she pushed her fingers past the entrance and felt slick heat wrap around her fingers. Brittany's eyes flew in to the back of her head as she felt the pressure in her core before rolling back to capture Santana's once more.

"Fuck oh god. Shit T- Tana…"

She slowly pushed her fingers as deep as they could go before pulling them back slowly, reveling in the feel of her fingers brushing over soft walls. As the pace quickened she could see the blonde struggling to keep her eyes open and she felt her fingers being pulled deeper as Brittany thrust forwards in time with her. Remembering from last night what had pushed the girl over the edge she pushed all the way in and crooked her fingers upwards and felt the entire body beneath her jerk forward. The gasps and whines escaping the rosy lips were proof that she was close and she went in to overdrive, pushing her fingers to brush over _that _sport every single time… pushing forwards once more and trapping blue eyes in hers she pulled her fingers upward and watched the wave of emotion pass over the blonde's face as she finally came undone with a guttural moan. Her heart burst as the body beneath hers tensed and the soft 'Santana' fell from her best friend's lips in the midst of her pleasure. She kept her hand moving to allow Brittany to feel each part of her pleasure… she knew that she wanted to see that ecstasy all over again and before the blonde could come down completely she pushed her fingers in once more and brought the pad of her thumb down on the swollen clit. She hadn't anticipated watching Brittany come would turn her on as much as it did and she could feel the wetness trickle down her thigh slightly as she let her fingers become engulfed once more in the slick heat. As she straddled the strong thigh below she could feel her body grind instinctively and she let go a soft moan at the intense pressure she hadn't realized was waiting to be released.

"Tana… Stop. I – I can't go again."

"Shh… B, yes you can. Come with me this time. Please." She ground herself down and felt the muscle contract with each aftershock Brittany felt. It took all she had to continue thrusting in to the girl below her, the rhythm was completely erratic and she couldn't bring herself to care because she felt so good. She let her head fly back at the sensation between her legs and made sure her left hand continued making tight circles on the bundle of nerves beneath her fingers.

"Oh god… B. I'm gonna… Fuck."

She felt the crushing pressure on her fingers that just seemed to intensify the pleasure coursing through her veins. She looked down at the blonde whose back was arched and the pale hands fisted the sheets beneath them, the image was enough to throw her from the precarious cliff she had been teetering on. Wet heat gushed over the hand she still held between the blonde's thighs and she felt herself coming harder than she had ever done before… every single molecule of her body was vibrating deliciously as she draped herself over the blonde's body inhaling the smell of THEM. She felt Brittany relax beneath her once more and managed to pull her hand from between and felt herself shiver at the sheer amount of moisture she could feel between her fingers. Her breath fell in sync with Brittany and she couldn't help but let loose a small chuckle at the intensity of what had just happened.

"Holy shit B."

"I know… I mean. Wow."

"Yeh… wow." As they both struggled to regain their breath she looked up to see a small smile playing across the blonde's features. Shifting to roll off Brittany she felt a hand come up to stop her and she gave in, fully draping herself across the warm body.

"What you thinking about Panda?"

"This… I can't decide which one would have been better for our first time." She laughed again and the blonde leant forward to give her a chaste kiss.

"I mean either one would have been better than what actually happened, right?"

"Right, Tana. I think last night would have been the best first time." She could feel her body completely relax as she listened to the melodious voice of her best friend. She could hear the drowsiness in both their voices now and it was only a matter of time before they both slipped in to yet another peaceful slumber.

"And why's that Panda?"

"Cos I got to touch you too…"

"Aww… well I just wanted to make YOU feel good, B."

"Yeh… but I'm totally getting you back."

"Sure B." she let her eyes flutter closed as she felt the blonde's breathing even out beneath her. She slipped in to a satisfied unconsciousness with a small smile gracing her lips at the sound of Brittany's heart beat.

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

When she awoke again she could feel the empty bed beside her and pouted to herself. She had become so used to waking up with the brunette in her arms that it almost felt wrong to wake up alone. She couldn't sulk for too long as the delicious aroma of pancakes wafted through the door and she couldn't get out of bed fast enough. As she made her way downstairs she could hear Santana singing along to the radio as she prepared breakfast, smiling to herself she paused at the door of the kitchen door to listen to the husky voice sing even better than the artist on the radio.

_Baby, it's been a long day, baby  
>Things ain't beengoing my way<br>You know I need you here  
>Here by my side<br>All of the time_

She couldn't help but smile to herself as she watched Santana sway her hips to the tune and use the spatula as a makeshift microphone.

_And baby, the way you move me it's crazy  
>It's like you see right through me<br>And you make it easier  
>You please me and you don't even have to try<em>

Santana spun around the kitchen, light on her feet and twirling like a little girl on Christmas as the pancake sizzled in the pan. This time, as she watched the smile get wider on the brunette's face with each passing beat, she couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. Without warning Santana spun her head around and they locked eyes, a shy smile spread across her best friend's face as she realised she had been caught out. She watched Santana skip over to her and end up kneeling in front of her, serenading her with a dorky grin gracing her perfect features.

_Oh because, you are the best thing  
>You are the best thing<br>You are the best thing  
>Ever happened to me <em>

Santana rose to her feet and offered the 'microphone' to her. When she shook her head slightly unable to sing through her laughter she felt the brunette grab her by the hand and pull her in to dance closely, singing the next verse straight in to her ear. She felt the lyrics down to her toes as they floated past her ear.

_Baby, we've come a long way, baby  
>You know, I hope and I pray that you believe me<br>When I say this love will never fade away_

Once the song reached the chorus she felt Santana pull away and belt it out, keeping a firm grip on her hand.

_Oh because, you are the best thing  
>You are the best thing<br>You are the best thing  
>Ever happened to me<em>

Having recovered from her laughing fit she grabbed the spatula out of Santana's hand and proceeded to dance around the kitchen island singing at the top of her lungs with the brunette in tow.

_Now both of us have known love before  
>To come on up promising, like the spring, just walk on out the door<br>Our hearts are strong and are hearts are kind  
>Well, let me tell you what exactly is on my mind <em>

She couldn't help but revel in the throaty laughter coming from her best friend… in that moment she felt free. There was no one to judge, no one to put on a show for. This was just them… and it was perfect. As the song died down and the radio moved on to the daily news she heard a delicious peel of laughter come from the brunette and she turned her head to watch Santana pull a crispy burnt pancake out of the pan. It seemed they had gotten a bit carried away with the song to remember they were cooking, to be honest it didn't really matter seeing as every time Santana cooked it was enough to feed an army. She eyed the spread on the table and loved the fact that this was all for her. They sat down at the table and she suddenly realized how ravenously hungry she was… all of last night's and this morning's activities obviously built up a healthy appetite.

As they sat their enjoying small talk about everything and nothing she felt her heart sink at the fact that it was Sunday afternoon and she had to be home soon to see her Grandma who came for dinner every week. As much as she enjoyed seeing her family she loved being in the soft cocoon that her and Santana had created for themselves and it felt like she was breaking something sacred by wandering back out in to the real world.

They washed up and showered and Santana offered to walk her home. It was a beautiful day outside and it felt right to be sharing it with the brunette… her heart sung as they walked towards her house hand in hand, not caring that they were in public and anyone could see them. Yes, they were out to the glee club but still had to tell their cheerleading friends and the rest of the school and placed a feeling of nervousness at the back of her mind. Thankfully they arrived on her street without running in to anyone they knew… as they stood on the porch she couldn't help but see the same sadness she felt in her heart reflected in Santana's eyes. Not caring who saw or even if her parents were around she leaned in and caught the plump lips between her own in a loving kiss. Whispering their sweet goodbyes, they parted and it felt as if a little part of herself left with Santana.

* * *

><p><strong>Santana's POV:<strong>

As she walked home she felt like she was floating on a cloud… it felt like her and Brittany had finally cemented their relationship and there was no better feeling in the entire world. She replayed the weekend's events over and over with a small smile on her face as she noticed new details each time they passed through her mind. The 20 minute walk almost felt too short as the sun beat down on her mirroring the emotions running through her heart. When she arrived home, for the first time in what felt like forever she didn't care that there was no one there to greet her. Spending this weekend alone with Brittany had shown her that, even though she didn't have the family life she wanted, there were people out there who cared for her… and one girl in particular that made this small disappointment ok.

The rest of the day passed pretty quickly and she managed to get all of the homework completed that she had put off in favour of time with Brittany. She knew she had been neglecting her training and set off on a run for the first time in what felt like years and it showed… but it didn't matter to her. Every little thing she managed to accomplish that day just seemed to add to the euphoria she had been feeling all weekend.

**To Britt-Britt 8:41pm: "Thinking about you… X"**

**From Britt-Britt 8:43pm: "Me too… I don't like not having you by my side Tana… I can't wait to see you tomorrow. xB"**

**To Britt-Britt 8:45pm: "I wish you were here Panda. You have no idea. I want someone to snuggle… X"**

**From Britt-Britt 8:47pm: "Just pretend that I'm snuggling you… I would never leave your side if I had any say in the matter. Anyway I'm going to go to bed. The sooner I sleep the sooner I get to see you tomorrow. I love you, Santana. More than you could ever know. Sweet Dreams. xB"**

**To Britt-Britt 8:50pm: "Goodnight baby B. I miss you and wish you were here. Sleep well and have sweet dreams… I know I will because I'll be dreaming of you. I love you with all my heart Panda. X"**

She set the alarm on her phone with a sigh and the absence of her favourite blonde weighing heavy on her heart. Knowing that she would be seeing Brittany in a matter of hours made everything ok and she knew that her dreams would be filled with those ice blue eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>Monday Morning:<strong>

From the moment she woke up to the minute she laid eyes on Brittany time seemed to pass like a blur. It was almost as if she wasn't truly existing until she was in the presence of that particular blonde… some may consider that unhealthy but she didn't care, she had never felt that secure with another person in her entire life and it made everything worth it. Time seemed to stop moving when she caught the first sight of Brittany that morning, a smile plastered on the beautiful face… that smile started her day, everything else didn't matter. Arms wrapped around her waist and she leant her face in to the blonde's neck to inhale that intoxicating scent that was only Brittany.

"Hey beautiful."

"Hey yourself, Panda."

"Did you sleep ok?"

"Yeh… it would have been better if you were sleeping next to me but dreaming of you was almost the same. You?"

"Mmmm.. . yeh me too." She felt long fingers wrap around hers as they made their way to first period.

The day just seemed to get better and better when they were told that it was a half day due to the teacher conference taking place this afternoon. Brittany already said that her Grandmother had stayed over the previous night so she was going home to spend with her family but that didn't dampen her day at all. Half a day of school was still half a day of school right?

**Monday Afternoon:**

As she pulled in to her driveway she saw the familiar silver Lexus parked in front of the garage and she couldn't help the enormous smile that spread over her face. Papi.

She threw off her shoes as she stepped in to the house and made her way to the back of the house and in to her father's home study. There stood Javier Lopez, slightly disheveled with an un-tucked shirt and a weary look on his face as he stood over his desk. Even though he had his signature scowl on his face he looked like he was glad to be home. When she spoke up she saw the look of shock on his face as he was made aware of her presence.

"Papi!" she ran forward and threw her arms over her father. They were never really this affectionate but it had been a while since she had seen him and everything that had happened in the last couple of days had put her in a fantastic mood.

« Uh… Mija…? ¿Qué estás haciendo en casa tan temprano? » Had she not been so happy to see her father she may have noticed that he was slightly on edge.

"We had a half day at school because of this teacher conference day. How are you?"

"I 'm ok Mija… tired. You know how it is." She could see that his demeanor had reverted to that of the cold indifference she was used to. She heard the toilet down the hall flush and the door open and close. She turned to look at her father with questioning eyes.

"I didn't know Mami was home… I didn't see her car outside." She saw a look she didn't recognise pass over the older brunette's face and then heard an unfamiliar voice through the closed heavy oak door of the study.

"Javier? Are we going upstairs?" the door swung open and she saw a tall blonde woman, that was definitely not her mother, stride in with her head down trying to re-button her tight pencil skirt.

She couldn't control the thoughts running through her brain at that moment and even though the situation was easy to decipher her stubborn mind was refusing to put two-and-two together.

"Papi?"

The woman finally looked up when she realised they were not alone and they locked eyes.

"Um… Hi. You must be Santana… I'm Samantha. Your father's patient coordinator." She couldn't bring herself to look away but felt the rage bubble up in her veins when her brain finally kicked in to gear and she realised what she had just walked in on. That was when she took in the state of the study she was standing in, the throw pillows that usually sat so perfectly on the couch were on the floor and her father's jacket that was usually placed so meticulously over the back of the chair was on the floor by the door.

"You're... you're cheating on Mami?" her throat felt dry and she hadn't even realised that she had fallen in to the soft arm chair in front of her father's desk. Her eyes finally met Javier's and she saw a look she had never seen before… guilt.

"Samantha… could you please leave us?" she watched with scathing eyes as the blonde collected the rest of her belongings from the floor and scuttle out the door without a backwards glance. She watched as the older Latino sunk down in the chair opposite her and rub his hands over tired eyes.

"Mija…"

"No! Don't you dare try and explain this. I can't believe you would sneak around behind Mami's back like this."

"She knows…" her heart stopped at those two words and she felt the beginnings of her whole world crumble around her.

"She – she what?"

"She knows Mija…" she couldn't understand what was happening… her Mother was a strong woman and would never stand for something like this. He HAD to be lying… Her voice seemed to disappear as she took in the resigned man in front of her who looked a lot older than he should.

"I never meant for you to find out Mija… let alone like this. You're old enough now and you deserve the truth."

"What truth? How long has this been going on? How long has Mami known?"

"Joder… I don't even know how to say this to you… I can't help what I do Mija… I have never been able to..." they were silent for a while as her anger built up and she felt a hatred for her father rise up like bile in her throat. She had never expected to hate someone she respected so much and was surprised at how easily that hatred came. She had been disappointed by the man sitting in front of her so many times but this was one disappointment that was hard to get over.

"Why does she stay?"

"I wish I had an answer to give you Mija… the truth is I don't know. Don't get me wrong… I love your Mother more than anything…"

"Then why?"

"I told you… I can't help it. One day you'll understand."

"NO! I won't… I am not like you. I will NEVER be like you. Do you understand? NEVER."

"You can't say that… you don't know that Mija. Sometimes it's something we can't help. Abuelo was the same… I only do what I learnt…"

"NO! Stop…" before she knew what she was doing she was leaving the study and throwing her shoes on before running out the door. All she could hear from behind her were the faded shouts of her name as her father tried to call her back. The anger rushing through her veins and past her ears was eventually enough to drown him out completely.

She didn't know where she was going… she didn't know where she could go. Hot tears were streaming down her face as she felt the only security she had known crumbled around her. Until now she had been comforted by the fact that, even though they weren't around often or showed her the kind of attention she craved, her parents were stable and in love. This was a huge comfort considering how most of her friends' parents were either divorced or separated. She let her mind replay the entire conversation in her mind as she wandered aimlessly around the streets of Lima. _What if he's right… what if I will understand one day? Am I like him?_

After wandering around for what felt like forever she found herself in front of Quinn's house… She sat down on the steps in front of the large front door and buried her face in her hands, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks as she examined the metaphorical rubble that was her family life. With shaking fingers she dialed Quinn's number and hesitated before pressing the call button… She wanted so badly to go to Brittany. To feel her safe arms and the security she felt every time she was around the her best friend but she knew she needed someone who would give it to her straight… she pressed the green dial button and waited as it rang.

"Santana?"

"Quinn…"

"What's up?"

"I'm outside…"

"Ok… I'll be right down." She heard the confusion in the blonde's voice as she rang off and hung her head between her knees preparing for the conversation she was about to have.

She knew she had made the right choice in coming here. Brittany would have just wanted to comfort her and what she needed, more than ever before, was someone to listen to every single detail and give her an honest answer. She heard the door open and close behind her and looked up towards where Quinn was now standing. She knew she looked like shit with tear streaked cheeks and swollen eyes and heard the blonde's breath hitch. She felt the weight on the stoop beside her as Quinn sat down next to her and put a tentative arm around her shoulders. The blonde waited for her to speak and she took a deep breath and mustered up the courage to start speaking.

"I'm going to break her heart, Quinn… I'm going to break Brittany's heart."

**A/N: Annnnnnd there is Chapter 19 my lovelies… hope you enjoyed it :) ! It will be angsty for a couple of chapters with some drama for both Santana AND Brittany but a healthy dousing of fluff will be scattered here and there. **

**Sorry for the bad Spanish… I used google translate haha:**

**¿Qué estás haciendo en casa tan temprano? **– **What are you doing home so early ?**

**Thank you for all the likes, favourites and reviews… really makes my week! Please review… they do actually make my day and I do try to take the time to respond to each one personally via PM so don't hesitate! Also add me on tumblr where I post sneak peeks before every chapter: **_**loveisloveshipper . tumblr **_

**Song in this chapter is: You Are The Best Thing – Ray LaMontagne**

**Thanks again for reading :) xShay**


	20. Chapter 20: Because You Have Me

**Here is Chapter 20 my lovelies. Thanks to my reviewers :) I am going to start doing shout outs because for some reason my PM has decided to start acting up. Hope you enjoy this chapter, it does have some drama in it but I did also promise some fluff so there's that too… I mentioned previously that there would also be drama surrounding Brittany and that will be coming up in the next chapter or the one after that… we'll see how things play out. I only got a couple of reviews for the last chapter and that made me a sad little panda. Would love to hear your thoughts on the story line so let me know what you think. Don't forget to follow me on tumblr: **_**loveisloveshipper. **_**Enjoy!**

**BrittanaShippER95: You always review both on here and tumblr and I seriously love you for it! Hope you're enjoying your summer now that exams are done... I am very jealous of you and the Greek sun!You'll see after reading the chapter that it's really not what you expect at all. I AM saying that there is no break up but as for the healthy argument you'll have to pull your own judgements :)! xShay**

**Meg 8099: Thank you for your lovely review :). I'm glad you liked their first and second (real) times haha... I'm not that experienced with writing that sort of thing so it's nice to hear it went down well :)! I think Santana will always be afriad of hurting Brittany because she diesn't believe enough in herself but hopefully they will work through it ;). Hope you're still enjoying it. xShay**

* * *

><p>People will constantly tell you that things will work out in the end and that it will get better… they always talk about it in the future, never in the present. Doesn't that scare you? What if what you have always wanted is happening right now? You can feel like everything is finally going the way you have wanted it to for so long but there is always that little piece of your mind telling you that it's too good to be true or that you don't deserve everything that's falling in to place. How do you try and convince yourself otherwise when it is that small part of you that is pulling up doubt in the first place.<p>

* * *

><p>"I'm going to break her heart, Quinn… I'm going to break Brittany's heart."<p>

"What?"

"I'm going to break her heart Q… I know I'm going to hurt her."

"Why would you even say something like that? There is no way you could possibly know that. Where is all this come from Santana?" she had kept her eyes trained on the ground as she spoke to the blonde but at the rare mention of her full name she lifted her gaze to catch the compassionate hazel eyes.

"I – I… Fuck, I don't know. No... That's not true I do." She felt fresh tears spring to her eyes as she remembered the anger and pain she was feeling. Her head was a mess and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't sort through the chaos. It was almost like white noise running at a million miles an hour through her brain cells.

"Calm down San… help me to understand what's going on."

She felt the comforting hand on her thigh and it just made her mind cloud over even more. Why was she being sown such compassion when she had just outright told Quinn that she was going to break Brittany's heart? Nothing made sense. Trying to find her voice again was one of the hardest things she has had to do… she needed to talk to someone about this but where would she start?

"I can't be like him, Q. I WON'T be like him." Rage surged through her veins once more as she thought about her Father.

"Who?"

"My Father…" she felt Quinn tense next to her. They had never talked about her family before and she knew they were moving in to unchartered waters here. She could sense Quinn's uncertainty and felt nervousness creep in to her veins.

"He's cheating on my Mother, Quinn. He's fucking cheating and he had the balls to do it in the house she has made a home for him in."

"Shit San… I – I don't even know what to say."

"There is nothing to say… he's already torn down all the trust I had ever put in him. And the worst part is that she knows… my Mother knows all this and she stays. How fucked up is that?"

The question had been rhetorical but Quinn looked like she was frantically searching for a way to answer the question in a way that was going to comfort not enrage.

"I'm sure everything is going to be ok, San. They're your family… they love you."

"What does that have to do with anything? Do you not understand what I just said to you? He's CHEATING Quinn… he's been cheating for pretty much their entire marriage. My family is a complete lie…"

"Is this why you think you're going to break Brittany's heart?"

She couldn't bring herself to say it again so she just nodded meekly and let the guilt wash over her once more.

"That is utter bullshit San and you know it. Anyone with two eyes can see how much you love that girl… breaking her heart would break yours and there is no way you would do that."

"How can you possibly know that, Quinn? What if I am exactly like my Father and my Abuelo… oh yeh apparently he cheated too. That's where _Xavier _learned it all."

She was shocked at how angry Quinn was becoming. She didn't need this now… she didn't need Miss High-And-Mighty to come at her. She just needed to talk it through… the determined look on Quinn's face somehow told her that this was not going to happen.

"God Santana… you need to stop making excuses and just let yourself be happy. Every single time something bad happens you go running scared, which is ironic because you really do try to put yourself out there as strong. You need to fucking grow up and just accept that what you have is a good thing… why are you trying to sabotage something you have already fought so hard for? I don't get why you feel the need to negate everything you have worked for with Brittany because of one small glitch… At some point in your life you're going to have to fucking learn to stop running away from your problems Santana, running away DOES NOT make them disappear. Stop running… JUST STOP."

She had never heard Quinn swear so much and it just furled the rage already running through her veins. She had not come here to hear this… She stood abruptly and turned to face the blonde. She could feel the poison in her mouth and wanted so bad to just spit the harsh words that were on the tip of her tongue at the girl.

"Fuck you, Quinn… I made a huge mistake coming to you" They weren't exactly the words she had wanted to say, because those would have sent her straight to hell, but they certainly were effective. Her lips curled up in a cruel smile as she watched the look of hurt pass over Quinn's face. She turned on her heel and flew out of the driveway not even sparing a second glance back.

* * *

><p>As she stormed away she could feel the dizzy feeling return to her head. Tears spilled over her eyes and she came to terms with just how angry she was. She needed to do something… ANYTHING to take her mind of this. She wanted more than anything else to go to Brittany and just be held, nothing beats that feeling… she knew, though, that if she went to see Brittany in this state of mind she may end up hurting her with her insecurity. Pulling out her phone she dialed the one person she knew would never say no to her.<p>

"You're go for Puckerman."

"Noah, it's Santana."

"Um… ok. Is everything ok?"

"Not really… can you come and pick me up and then we go for a drink?" She could hear the confusion on Puck's voice and wasn't surprised at all. After her little outburst in Glee Club they hadn't really spoken. The reason she called him today was because Puck was always up for what she needed… and what she needed right now was a huge drink that would blur some of real life… even if it was temporary.

"Um… sure. Where are you?"

"Baxter Park… near the side entrance."

"Ok, stay put. I'll be there soon."

As he rang off she breathed a sigh of relief that he had in fact agreed to come and get her. She couldn't think of anyone else she could call in that moment that would come and get her and then let her do her own thing without asking a thousand and one questions. She had briefly contemplated calling Mercedes but quickly decided against it when she remembered how much of a mother hen that girl was… the last thing she wanted right now was to be smothered.

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket and looked around to see if it was Puckerman drop calling her to let her know he was here. When she saws no sign of the beat up truck she reached in to her jeans and pulled out the phone only to see she had 2 texts from Quinn.

**From: Quinn 4:04pm: "San. I'm sorry Ok… maybe the tough love was a bit much. I'm coming over. xo"**

**From: Quinn 4:20pm: "Answer me Santana… come on I said I was sorry. I'm downstairs, let me in. xo"**

Her anger towards the blonde had dwindled slightly but not enough for her to call and tell her where she was. She settled, instead, for a vague text message.

**To: Quinn 4:24pm: "I'm not home. See ya at school tomorrow." **

Just as she finished typing the message she heard familiar grumble of Noah Puckerman's truck. She jumped up and headed towards the passenger side, praying that she didn't still look like she had been crying. Turning off her phone and slipping it in to her pocket she hopped in the truck and shot a grateful look at the boy driving.

"Jesus, Santana you look like shit."

"Well gee, it's nice to see you too Puckerman." Despite herself she smiled because this was actually what she needed… someone to treat her the exact same way they always did. Granted, Puck didn't know what was going on but normalcy was what she was craving right now.

"So… where to M'Lady?"

"Dork… uh, let's go to A.J's."

"Sweet."

A.J's was a notoriously relaxed bar on the outskirts of Lima that didn't check ID's. It was your typical small town dive bar with limited lighting and mangy booths with peanut shells on the floor. But if it meant you could drink it was pretty easy to withstand the smell and the unsavory characters that sat there day after day drinking their lives away.

Pulling up outside the bar she was glad to see there were only 2 cars in the parking lot and one of them was the owners. This meant that they would be able to drink in peace without her getting hit on and Puck having to fight off the cougars. Slipping in to a booth in the far corner she swiftly ordered a double Jack Daniel's while Puck looked on curiously and despite the fact that he was driving eventually decided to join her.

Breathing in the scent of the alcohol in the glass that was placed before her she closed her eyes and let the odor make her head swim. Clinking glasses with Puck she took a deep breath and tipped the entire contents of the tumbler in to her mouth… feeling the sharp taste and burning as it slid down her throat she felt her eyes water.

"So you wanna tell me why you called?"

"Not really… since when did we have meaningful conversations? That's one of the reasons I did call you so we could just drink and not talk about it."

"Come on, Santana. I can see that something is bothering you… despite what you think of me, I am not actually that bad a guy…"

"No I know… I – I just – I'd really rather not talk about it right now." she sighed and could already smell the musky scent of alcohol on her breath

"Fair enough… I won't force you." She watched him turn away and summon the waitress. "We'll have a rack of tequila shots and two more double Jacks, please." He turned to face her once more and she gave him a grateful look as she saw him resign himself to the fact that she wasn't here to talk.

"Thanks… seriously."

"No problem… just know that if you start puking you're on your own."

* * *

><p>Before long she could feel her head become deliciously cloudy as the strong liquor took over her body. She felt strangely free and was actually having a good time with someone she wouldn't have even considered a friend before now. As if she was tempting fate by thinking that she heard the obnoxious ringtone Puck had had since freshman year. She looked at the flashing screen only to see Quinn's name pop up. He pulled the phone from her hands and was about to press the accept button.<p>

"Shit. Noah if she asks about me please say you don't know anything. Do this one thing for me please?" He looked at her confused before pushing the button and holding the phone up to his ear. With the music in the background she couldn't hear what Quinn was saying on the other end. She motioned for him to put it on speaker and he begrudgingly obliged.

"Wow, what a surprise. What can I do for you Quinn?" she smiled at him as she heard the jokey tone he had adopted.

"Puck, I know it's weird to ask you this but do you know where Santana is?

"I have no idea." As she listened to the conversation she ordered another rack of shots silently.

"Are you sure? Cos she's not at home… We're worried."

"Why the hell would I know where Santana would be? Ask Brittany she might be with her…" at the mention of the blondes name her head snapped back towards him and strained to hear any sign of her best friend's presence with Quinn.

"I'm already with Brittany and she doesn't know anything either…"

"Oh Brittany's already with you. I have no idea where she could be then." She almost wanted to rip the phone from his hands when she heard that the blonde was on the other end but instead clasped her hands tightly together remembering why she was here in the first place.

"Yeh I'll let you know if I hear from her but I doubt I will." he sighed heavily as he rung off and tried to catch her eyes in his.

"Santana… you really need to tell me what's going on. It's not fair for you to ask me to lie for you without telling me something. I'm a delinquent, sure. I like setting things on fire and beating up people I don't know. I own that. But I'm not a liar."

"I just can't be around them… I can't be around Brittany at the moment… I'm scared."

"Scared? Did THE Santana Lopez just admit she was scared?"

"Ugh… forget it." She wanted to rip the Mohawk off his head for that comment… as if she didn't feel bad enough.

"Shit… you're serious. I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I was just trying to get you to smile. What are you scared of?"

"Because I think I may hurt her… Brittany. No I don't think… I KNOW I'm going to hurt her and she doesn't deserve it."

"What makes you think you're going to hurt her?"

"Because of my Dad…"

"You are in the presence of the King of Daddy issues… go 'head, spill."

"He's cheating on my Mom… and apparently it's been going on for ages."

"Okay… But you're not like him… you don't have to do what he does."

"No, I know that but – I don't know – he made it seem like it ran in the family. Like he talked about how he learnt from my Abuelo. He made it seem like it was no big deal… like us Lopez's couldn't help what we did. I am just so terrified that he's right and that I will do the same to Britt." What shocked her most in that moment was not the fact that she had opened up to Noah Puckerman about this, more so than she had with Quinn, but the fact that he had reached over and grabbed both her hands in his.

"I don't really know what to say to you Santana. I have seen how broken my Mom was when she found out about my Dad. Are you worried about telling your Mom too?"

"No… she knows. She knows and she still stays…"

"Oh…"

"Yeh… fuck, when did everything get so complicated Puck? Sometimes I think I would do anything to go back to last year… don't get me wrong I have never been happier than I am with Brittany, but last year I wasn't dealing with all these feelings and everything was alright at least on the surface, you know. Sometimes I think it was easier when I was in denial… like now that I am finally happy in myself something else has to fall apart. It's stupid I know… Forget I said anything…"

"No… it's not stupid. I get it. But, just so you know, last year… when we were together even I could tell that you weren't happy… that you were hiding something. You were – what's the word – 'settling' for something you THOUGHT you wanted and not what you REALLY wanted. And it doesn't work the way you think it does Santana… something else isn't going wrong because you're happy… shit just has a stupid way of going down."

"Yeh… I guess you're right. Fuck Noah… where is all this coming from? People would like you better if you were like this all the time. I mean, where the hell was this guy last year? Who knows maybe you and I could have worked out…" she let out a soft chuckle and watched his eyes crinkle up with a smile too.

"Nah… we would never have worked out. You're gay remember…" this time she let out a genuine laugh and slapped his arm playfully.

"Touche… but seriously why don't you act like this the rest of the time."

"I don't know… I guess I just worked so hard to build up my image and gain the fear and respect of others it seems a shame to waste it… besides, being a bad-ass DOES get me a lot of action so who am I to say no to that."

"There's the old Puckerman… thought we'd lost you for a minute there."

"Whatever Lezpez… now how 'bout we get legless."

"Sounds like a plan, Batman." She watched Puck yell over to the bar and order more shots as she let herself relax a bit more. Surprisingly it was Puck that had made the most sense and not Quinn and that had really floored her.

* * *

><p>By the time they had ordered their fourth rack of shots she was feeling extremely good about herself. She was kicking Puck's ass in pool and there were no other patrons in the bar now so they had the jukebox to themselves. As her third song came on she had sunk the black and Puck was groaning in to his hands about how ashamed he was to lose to a girl. As he excused himself to the bathroom she wandered back over to the booth and took another shot. She had the sudden urge to talk to her favorite blonde and pulled her phone out of her pocket only to find it turned off. <em>Shit…<em>

She pressed the on button when she remembered she had shut it off earlier when she hadn't wanted to talk to anyone… but that was at least 4 hours ago and Brittany must be freaking out now, not to mention her dad. As the signal kicked in she felt the endless vibration meaning she had received multiple texts… she was almost scared to look.

8 missed calls and 3 texts from Papi. She didn't even bother looking through them and just fired off a blunt text saying she was with friends and wouldn't be home 'til late.

10 missed calls from Mami. He must have told her… she didn't have the energy to talk to her knowing that all she would be getting were profuse apologies and endless explanations. As if THAT was going to fix everything that was going on.

23 missed calls and 12 texts from Quinn. She was in big trouble already and she knew it.

**From: Quinn 6:41pm: "Santana Lopez you better tell me where you are right this second! Please, I am so sorry about what I said earlier. I am so worried. Brittany is also worried sick, she is actually outside running round both your neighborhoods trying to find you. Where the fuck are you?"**

She quickly scrolled through the rest of Quinn's messages procrastinating because she knew she had more than that from Brittany. She felt a lump form in her throat at how desperate Quinn sounded and that Britt was so worried. The texts ranged from pleading to fuming anger at the fact she hadn't been contacted in 4 hours. The last message from Quinn had been sent a few minutes ago and struck a very sensitive nerve inside her and fresh tears began to flow.

**From: Quinn 8:43pm: "Please, please just tell me where you are and that you're ok… please. You were so afraid of hurting Brittany, can't you see that is exactly what you are doing right now?"**

She almost didn't want to look at the 27 texts she had from Brittany that accompanied her 43 missed calls. Each text she read was more frantic than the next and she could almost feel desperation coming from her best friend.

**From: Britt-Britt 4:31pm: "Quinn just called me in tears… what happened? xB"**

**From: Britt-Britt 5:00pm: "Tana, please tell me where you are. I'm so scared… god please don't let anything have happened to you…"**

She hadn't even notice Puck come back from the bathroom and take his place in front of her watching her cautiously. Her phone vibrated in her hand signaling she had just received a new text from Brittany. She didn't even continue scrolling through the old ones and jumped straight to the most recent.

**From: Quinn 8:57pm: "Tana… please just let us know you're ok. Quinn won't tell me what happened earlier, she keeps telling me that it's not her place to tell me. I just want to say I don't care what you've done OR what you've said OR where you are OR who you're with, just please tell me you're safe. I love you Santana… more than I could ever explain. Call me, I'm begging you. xB "**

She took a deep breath and pressed the dial button. She reached blindly across the table searching for Puckerman's hand… she couldn't say why in the moment but he had been a good friend that afternoon and just need something to let her know she wasn't alone as she prepared herself for the barrage of questions that were about to come.

"Tana! Oh my good Quinn, Santana's on the phone! Where are you? Are you ok? Do you need us to come get you? Fuck, Santana I was so worried." She could hear Quinn running in to the room thanking the Lord that she had called.

"It's ok, B. I'm fine, I'm with Puck." She knew she was on speaker because she heard Quinn yell something about killing the boy when she heard that. She hadn't realized she was as drunk as she was, and to herself she didn't sound slurred at all, but Brittany picked up on it immediately.

"Are you drunk?"

"Not really." _Lie_

"Don't lie to me, Tana. Where are you?"

"Don't worry B I'm safe… I'm with Puck."

"I don't care… where are you? I am coming to get you right now. Quinn, go get your keys." She heard shuffling in the background and knew that there was no point in trying to fight it now the blonde's mind was set.

"A.J's" she sighed.

"Ok, I'll be there in 10 minutes." She heard the dial tone and knew she was in for a world of shit. After the initial relief she knew Brittany felt when she heard she was safe, and anger had built up immediately and she knew that, even though Brittany was a sweetheart, if you angered her you had done something pretty bad.

* * *

><p>As her and Puck stepped in to the cool night air she could feel the effects of the alcohol really take a hold of her. Puck had pulled out a packet of smokes and silently offered her one, which she accepted gratefully. Leaning against the wall of the bar she steadied herself and took a large drag of the cigarette, feeling the poison filling her lungs she exhaled slowly and steeled herself for what was to come. In no time at all she heard the unmistakable sound of tires on the gravel in the parking lot. <em>This is it…<em>

She heard running towards her and took a couple of step forward before she was enveloped by all that was Brittany. She felt the air leave her lungs as the blonde hugged her tighter than ever before. Almost as soon as the hug had started it ended and she was being shoved forcefully in to the wall… something she knew Brittany would never do so it had to be Quinn.

"Don't." Shove

"You." Shove

"Ever." Shove

"Fucking." Shove

"Do." Shove

"That." Shove

"Again!" with the final word the cigarette was ripped from her mouth and stubbed out on the ground beside her

"And you know how much I hate it when you smoke, Tana." It had shocked her that Brittany was the one to remove the cigarette from her mouth.

She had kept her eyes trained firmly on the ground throughout this little altercation because she was just so afraid to see the look of disappointment in Brittany's eyes, not to mention Quinn's. Quinn obviously had bigger fish to fry and she could hear yelling between her and Puck just off to the side of her. She took a deep breath and chanced a glance up towards Brittany… even though her face was the picture of anger, her eyes held a certain softness that could only come from looking at Santana.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't tell me that, Tana… tell me what happened. Anything to explain what happened tonight."

"No…" she heard a sharp intake of breath and moved quickly to rectify herself. "I – I mean not here."

* * *

><p>The ride home was silent but mostly because Quinn was seething in the driver's seat and Brittany kept shooting her worried glances. Quinn hadn't spoken to her at all since the bar except for a very curt "We'll talk about this later…"<p>

She breathed a sigh of relief when she and Brittany were dropped off at the Pierce household because this meant she could take her time in telling the blonde what had happened today. As soon as the doors were closed Quinn had screeched away and Santana knew there was going to be hell to pay and a hell of a lot of groveling would have to be done in order to gain the feisty blonde's forgiveness.

As they made their way through the front door she was surprised to see the lights still on the Pierces milling about. Looking down at her phone she realized it was only about 10pm, to the tune of several 'hi Santana's' and 'well, looky who it is's' they made their way up to Brittany's room and with each step her dread became even more intolerable… How was she going to explain everything?

Brittany didn't even wait for her to put down her things before launching in to the 10th degree.

"So… you want to tell me what happened tonight? And why Quinn was so afraid to tell me what went down between you two?"

" I don't even know where to start, B…"

"The beginning is a good place…" she knew the blonde wasn't trying to be malicious but she could tell Brittany was hurt and wanted answers… to be honest she knew that the blonde DESERVED answers.

"Can I just start by saying I'm sorry?" her head was already pounding and, first and foremost, she wanted Brittany to know she was sorry.

"I know you're sorry Santana… Just tell me what's going on… please!" She felt like she had told this story too many times today… once would have been too many but now she was rounding on three.

"I came home today and found my dad cheating with his patient coordinator." Brittany didn't say anything back which was good encouragement to continue.

"I just… I was so angry you know? I wanted to know HOW he could do this to my Mom and WHY he was doing it. Turns out she knows and has stayed with him even though this has been going on for over 15 years."

"Ok…"

"And then he couldn't stop saying that he can't help it and that it's what he learnt… I felt my entire world come crumbling down around me."

"But you could have come to me Tana… you can always come to me."

"No… you don't get it… I didn't want to hurt you. I DON'T want to hurt you."

"I don't understand…"

"Ugh, crap… this is coming out all wrong. He kept saying that I would understand one day and all I could think of was how if I ever hurt you I would never be able to live with myself. All that was running through my mind was the possibility that I was exactly like him and I was going to end up breaking your heart. You're too good for me Brittany… you have ALWAYS been good to me and every day I ask myself why you're with me when you could do so much better. You could be with someone who isn't moody or malicious… someone who can give you everything you want without you having to make sacrifices. So I ran… it sounds stupid now but my head was so messed up." Before she knew what was happening she was crying again, she couldn't understand why it had been so easy to say all this to Puck but in front of Brittany she was more confused than ever. "I just, why can't everything fall in to place at the same time? Why is it that something ALWAYS has to go wrong?"

She felt strong arms wrap around her waist and she fell forward to rest her head in the crook of Brittany's neck. Soft hands came up to stroke through her hair as she sobbed quietly.

"I'm just – I'm so sorry Panda."

"Shh… it's ok Tana. I forgive you, although I forgave you the moment you called to tell me you were ok. And don't you EVER say that you aren't good enough for me… you're everything I never knew I wanted and I wouldn't give you up for ANYTHING. Everything's going to be ok."

"How do you know?"

"Because you have me… and, no matter how crazy and irrational you get, I am always here for you… ALWAYS. I'm yours Tana… proudly so."

"And I'm yours, B."

"Thank god for that… I don't think I could live without your crazy ass. Now what's say we get you to bed so you can sleep off the tequila?"

"I'd like that, B." She felt the blonde shift and she moved back slightly only to be pulled in to one of the most loving kisses she had ever experienced.

"Ugh... but first you REALLY need to take a shower and brush your teeth because you reek like a distillery." She pulled away completely and let out a soft chuckle before looking in to Brittany's eyes and seeing nothing but adoration.

"Oops, sorry." As she turned to leave she felt a tug back towards Brittany and soft lips fall on hers once more in a chaste kiss.

"I love you… you know that right."

"I do, B. And you have no idea how much I love you.

* * *

><p><strong>Phew… ok so there is Chapter 20 people… wow I never thought I would reach that many. I have to say I was a little disheartened and the number of reviews I got last chapter *sniff*. If I don't know whether you're enjoying it, I don't know whether the story lines I have chosen are working so please let me know! It does make me update faster. Hope you find it in your hearts to let me know what you think ;). Oh and don't forget to follow me on tumblr: <strong>_**loveisloveshipper**_**. I post sneak peeks of the chapters while they are being edited so you can have a look and tell me what you think. Hope you enjoyed it and don't forget to leave a review :) xShay**


	21. Chapter 21: It's All For You

**Here is Chapter 21 my lovelies :). Thank you to my reviewers (they tripled from the last chapter and you have no idea how much that means to me). I hope you continue to review because seriously there is no better feeling. This was sort of a filler chapter because I had to deal with the consequences of Santana's actions in the last chapter but we are getting to Brittany's drama... you're just going to have to read to the end to find out what I am talking about ;)! Would love to hear what you think about this so don't forget to leave a review here or on my tumblr: loveisloveshipper. On with the shout outs (There are a couple of 'guests' so I am just going to number them based on when they were posted to reply):**

**Dolfenluvr: Thank you for your lovely review :)! I know there is a lot of angst in this story but eventually it will pan out to being about the challenges they face as a couple. I am just a serious sucker for angst haha. I hope you continue to enjoy it.**

**BrittanaShippER95: As always you are my most dedicated reviewer so I love you! Hope you are still enjoying it and enjoy this chapter.**

**Ivy888: Yeh I think Santana is always going to have insecurities... she doesn't really have a stable family life and I think that is what makes her think she doesn't deserve to have Brittany. I think she subconsciously acts out to get validation from the people she surrounds herself. Their relationship is slowly getting deeper and they do care for each other greatly but are still getting to know each other in this capacity so Brittany had to be the strong one here but I'm pretty sure Santana will have to step up to the plate at some point. Thanks for all your constructive reviews :)! Enjoy this chapter :)**

**Guest 1: I think she felt like she couldn't go to Brit... she was feeling very vulnerable about the whole thing and, even though she always goes to Brittany, she knew that it could affect her too. Enjoy and thank you for your review!**

**Guest 2: Thank youuuuuuu! I am really glad you are enjoying it!**

**Guest 3: Thank you! It means a lot to hear someone say that!**

**Gleetan: Thank you! I am glad you are enjoying the story :)! Enjoy the next chapter! **

**And now on with the chapter... yay! xShay**

Don't try to understand everything, because sometimes it's not meant to be understood, but to be accepted. Those things you don't understand now may come to you later or they may not but you have to accept that life comes with uncertainties. These uncertainties are what makes life interesting and worth living.

* * *

><p><strong>Tuesday Morning:<strong>

**Santana's POV:**

An incessant beeping was what woke her up and each beep felt like a needle piercing her brain. She felt like she had been run over by a bulldozer… she could taste the stale taste of tequila in the back of her throat and her tongue felt like it had been sandpapered. The only good thing about this morning was the warm weight pressed across her back. Wincing at the continued alarm from Brittany's phone she nudged the sleeping blonde behind her.

"God, B. Please turn it off."

"Well good morning to you too grumpy." She felt the blonde shift and the ringing stopped allowing the room to fall back in to a silence her brain would be eternally grateful for.

"M'not grumpy… I just feel like I've been hit by a truck." She shuffled backwards subconsciously, almost as if her body was already missing the warmth that was pressed against her back not 2 minutes ago.

"It's your own fault, Tana."

"Ugh… I know. Just please spare me the 'told you so' tone."

She heard Brittany chuckle from behind her and felt a soft hand come up and brush through her hair. She felt an involuntary moan leave her lips as the long fingers scratched her scalp and soothed her aching head. Twisting to face the blonde she was still surprised that even after a long night of sleep Brittany still looked angelic… even with the pillow creases embedded in her cheek. Blue eyes caught brown and she watched as Brittany's eyes crinkled up at the sides as she smiled down at Santana. Unable to resist anymore she shifted up to capture soft pink lips in her own for a soft kiss. It was slow and unhurried… the perfect morning kiss.

"Mmm… that's a much better 'good morning' Tana."

"B?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Can we skip today? I don't think my head can handle those fluorescent lights."

"No I don't think we can… We have Glee and I think it's our turn to sing solos."

"Ugh… I completely forgot about that."

"Yeah… and as much as I want to stay here with you all day and shower you with sweet lady kisses… we should probably ACTUALLY shower and head to school."

"Fine… but you better make it up to me."

"Oh don't you worry about that, Tana." Brittany winked at her and it actually made her blush. Pulling the blonde in for another kiss she felt her pull away and jump out of bed, leaving Santana pouting at the playful rejection.

She was still completely in awe at how fast Brittany had been able to forgive last night. Even with the forgiveness and love coming from her best friend she still had that deep-seeded hate and anger that was directed at her family… this was what was fueling her fear. Fear that, despite the trust Brittany had in her, she would end up hurting the blonde. Just the thought of this made her hurt break a little more.

* * *

><p>Pulling in to the parking lot of the school she heaved an inward sigh as she realized that she was going to have to deal with Quinn at some point today. Hell hath no fury like a Quinn scorned. She knew she messed up last night and would have to apologize at some point, but today her mind was not functioning at the right capacity to deal with Quinn's bitchiness.<p>

Walking through the hall towards her locker she saw Quinn leaning against Santana's locker with a look on her face that told Santana that she had not calmed down AT ALL since last night.

Turns out Quinn was not waiting for her but for Brittany. She watched as Quinn pulled the other blonde to the side and started talking in hushed tones so as not to be overheard. Quinn nodded her head once which, she guessed, signaled the end of the conversation and spun on her heel to walk away but not before shooting Santana a dirty look.

"What was that about?"

"Umm… she just wanted to know if you told me what was going on with you."

"Ugh that doesn't surprise me. Ready for bio?"

"Yup, let's go."

Taking their usual seats at the back of the classroom they waited for the zombie of a teacher to shuffle through her notes and begin the lesson. They were getting assigned their midterm project today and were told they would be assigned partners, which elicited a collective groan from the entire class. Her heart sunk when she found out that she had been paired with Heather (a fellow cheerio) and Brittany had been paired with Chelsea. She had been hoping that they would be paired together so she could use the project as an excuse to spend the majority of the next few weeks at the Pierce's house. Grumbling about some sort of conspiracy theory and karma for yesterday she watched as Brittany bounced off to join Chelsea.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day passed relatively painlessly although she did miss her favorite blonde. This year they only had bio together so she only got to see Brittany during breaks and lunch. It was time for Glee and even though she knew what song she wanted to sign she was still a little nervous about it… the performance was going to be raw and emotional. She wasn't a typically open person but music gets her through the painful things in life and this definitely counted as that. As she was lost in her thoughts she felt strong arms wrap around her waist and a soft kiss placed just behind her ear. Smiling, she turned around to face Brittany.<p>

"Hey you, how was your afternoon?"

"It was good, B. How was yours?"

"Meh, the usual. So you wanna come over tonight? My dad will be home so I kinda just want to stay holed up in my room." She winked and was hoping that her subtle undertones had been picked up by Brittany.

"I can't Tana, I promised Chelsea we'd get started on the project so we could get it done early."

"Oh… ok." Why was it that something so innocent caused jealousy to course through her veins so quickly?

"Yeh… raincheck?" Brittany was smiling down at her.

"Yeh of course, Panda."

She removed her arms from Brittany's waist and smiled slightly to herself when the blonde reached down and entwined her fingers before pulling her towards the choir room. Glancing around the room she was surprised to see two evil glares being shot her way. Quinn AND Mercedes. She and Brittany took their seats at the back and she worried her lip between her teeth as she waited to be called up to the front.

"Alright guys, unfortunately we only have time for one solo today as I have a meeting to get to. Santana… would you care to show us what you prepared?"

"Umm… sure."

"Great! Brittany, you'll do yours tomorrow along with Quinn."

She proceeded to stand in front of the class and took a worried look around as her club members stared down on her expectantly. She held her hand up towards the piano to delay Brad a moment… she needed to explain why she chose the song she was singing.

"Music has always got me through the hard times in my life and it has been one of the only things that has kept me strong. This song is for someone I thought I could trust… unfortunately I was played the fool once again."

She caught Quinn's eyes and saw them soften slightly before she turned away and a slow acoustic version of her song choice started up.

_I can't believe what is in front of me  
>The water's rising up to my knees<br>And I can't figure out  
>How the hell I wound up here<br>Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day  
>Then the rain came pouring down<br>And now I'm drowning in my fears  
>And as I watch the setting sun<br>I wonder if I'm the only one._

She looked up and caught the blue eyes in hers as the build up to the chorus started. She felt the tears prickle the corners of her eyes and she shifted her gaze back to the floor as she continued to sing.

_Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line  
>And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes<br>And even when I'm scared I have to try to fly  
>Sometimes I fall<br>But I've seen it done before  
>I gotta step outside these walls<em>

Lifting her head to look over the group of people in front of her she could see shock registering on their faces at just how vulnerable she was being. As soon as the music stops she was going to put those walls back up, but for the moment she felt so free in the music and she let the acoustic melody try and mend the pain she was feeling in her heart.

_I've got no master plan to help me out  
>Or make me stand up for<br>All the things that I really want  
>You had me too afraid to ask<br>And as I look ahead of me  
>I cry and pray for sanity<em>

Tears were now threatening to slip out her eyes and she brought her hand up to wipe them away before anyone could see the evidence of just how hurt she was. This probably wasn't the best forum for what was going on in her life at the moment but she had needed some way to release what she was feeling and have someone actually hear it.

_Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line  
>And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes, yeah<br>Even when I'm scared I have to try to fly  
>Sometimes I fall<br>But I've seen it done before_

_These walls can't be my haven  
>These walls can't keep me safe here<br>And now I guess I gotta let them down_

As the final bars of the song faded out she wiped her eyes one more time and hardened her eyes before looking up at the confused faces of her peers. Brittany was quick to jump out of her seat and rush to hug Santana who returned it gratefully and, despite the steely gazes she had received from them earlier, Quinn and Mercedes were quick to follow. No one said anything for a while as her fellow members tried to make sense of the song that had just been sung. Before long Finn spoke up… and it wasn't something that she could have ever prepared for.

"Uh-oh… trouble in paradise? Did Brittany finally realize what you're really like?" he snickered in the back row and Rachel pulled her hand away from his in shock.

She felt Brittany tense next to her and she knew something bad was about to happen. Before Brittany could pull herself away from Santana's strong grip she watched in surprise as Puck stood up.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about… I suggest you shut your mouth."

"Or what, Puck? Just the other day you were bitching about her… You gonna take her side over mine?"

"Things change, bro… and yeh, as a matter of fact, I AM going to take her side."

"Psshh… get over yourself Puck. She's not going to come back to you if that's what you're aiming for."

No one could have foreseen Puck lunging at Finn and catching him square in the jaw with his fist but almost as soon as he was on the quarterback he was yanked off by an enraged Mr. Schue.

"Enough, guys! What on earth has gotten in to you!" Turning to face the glee club he congratulated Santana on her performance and then dismissed them. Puck sent her a wink and a sly smile as he walked out and she mouthed a quick thank you at him before walking out the door with Brittany's arms still wrapped around her waist.

Brittany gave her a guilty look before heading off with Quinn who was giving her a ride to Chelsea's and Santana was left alone with Mercedes.

"So… should I be expecting a reply to any of those calls of texts I gave you yesterday?" the diva huffed next to her. She thought back to the previous night and a wave of guilt rushed over her as she realized that she hadn't taken in to account the fact that Mercedes had also been worried.

"I'm sorry, Cedes. I wasn't really in the right state of mind."

"Mhmm I figured as much… I'm not really pissed about that. I'm more pissed about the fact that I had to hear everything about this from Quinn. I mean, were you even going to tell me?" she could hear the hurt in her friend's voice and reached an arm around her shoulders.

"I wasn't really thinking straight to be honest."

"You don't know what it's like to get a hysteric phone call from BOTH Brittany and Quinn not knowing where you are. I thought they were being dramatic, but when you didn't reply to any of my messages even I got worried. I made my Dad drive me around your neighbourhood for like 2 hours."

"I was upset and being selfish… I didn't mean to cause any of that."

"I know… just – just, next time please come to me." She looked up and caught Mercedes eyes in hers and smiled a little.

"Ok… I promise I'll try."

"Good… and next time I will not hesitate to beat your ass down if I ever get a call like that again." She snorted through her tears as Mercedes punched her arm playfully. "Speaking of beating asses down… what the hell was all that about with Puck?"

"Oh… that. We actually had a pretty good talk. He's not a bad guy."

"Yeh… but - I mean, it's Puck. You can't have bonded so much that he would pick you over his best friend AND punch him…"

"It sounds weird but Puck and I actually understand each other. If we hadn't been so busy using each other last year we could have actually become friends a lot sooner."

"You're right that does sound weird… Who knew there was someone behind that hard front?"

"Wanky…" she heard Mercedes laugh enthusiastically next to her and she knew all was forgiven. Now why couldn't it be this easy with Quinn?

* * *

><p><strong>Tuesday Evening:<strong>

She didn't really know what to do with herself when she didn't have Brittany to talk to. She had spent the last few hours distracting herself so she wouldn't text Brittany and interrupt… her room was spotless, the laundry was done, she had rearranged the kitchen and was now working on dinner for herself. She heard the front door slam and her heart flew up in to her chest, she was nowhere ready to see her father… not this soon. She dumped the beans she was making on the toast she already had on her plate and rushed upstairs, not caring that they were only lukewarm. It would have to do. She heard banging around downstairs and the sound of the saucepan she had just been using hitting the sink before her name was being called up the stairs.

"Santana…? I know you're home."

"I'm busy…" She rushed over and locked her door, shouting down to him through the closed door.

"You're not too busy to talk to your own father, Santana."

"Yes I am."

"We need to talk about yesterday, Mija."

"No we don't! I said everything I needed to say yesterday."

"You were a bit irrational yesterday Santanita… we need to talk about this calmly."

"I was not being irrational yesterday… I meant everything I said." She could sense his presence on the other side of the door and heard him sigh.

"Fine…"

Just as his footsteps echoed away from the door her phone rang. Brittany's familiar ringtone filled the silence in her room and she breathed a sigh of relief… she would feel better after talking to her best friend.

"Hey, B."

"Hey, Baby. Sorry I took so long. Chels wanted to make sure we had everything planned out. Are you ok? You sound weird."

"I'm fine I think…. My dad came home and tried to talk to me."

"And…?"

"I didn't let him… I'm not ready yet. It's still so fresh, ya know?"

"I can understand that… do you need me to come over?" she glanced at the clock and saw that it was 10:30; she didn't want to be a hassle.

"Nah it's ok, B. I think he gets that I don't really want to talk about it."

"You sure? I don't mind Tana."

"I know, Panda. I'm tired though so I think I'm going to go to bed." She knew the blonde could sense she wasn't getting the entire truth but was relieved when she wasn't questioned any further.

"Ok… I love you. You know that, right? So much…"

"I know you do, B. I love you too. More than I can ever say… I don't know what I would do without you."

"Well I'm not going anywhere so hopefully you'll never have to find out." She could hear the smile in Brittany's voice and couldn't help but close her eyes to the sound.

"I hope so too. Good night, B. I love you."

"Night, Baby. I love you too. Sweet Dreams." She shivered at the newly adopted nickname and, no matter how many times it was used, it had the same effect on her.

As she climbed in to her bed she mused about how just a two minute conversation with Brittany could make her smile. She felt her eyes flutter closed and let herself slip in to a dream world where Brittany was everything.

* * *

><p><strong>Wednesday Morning:<strong>

She had picked up Brittany as usual and was dreading another day of school. Today they didn't have bio so she would only see Brittany at lunch and glee… this already put her in a bad mood but the fact that Brittany was, once again, spending the evening with Chelsea was the cherry on top. She knew she shouldn't be feeling jealous but something about Chelsea and Brittany alone together made her uneasy… who was she kidding? The idea of Britt and ANYONE alone together bothered her. She had made the smart decision to not voice her concerns though because she knew how much the blonde wanted to do well on this project and that wouldn't happen if Brittany was worrying about what Santana thought all the time.

Unfortunately today all her classes were with Quinn and she knew that, in order, to have a semi-pleasant day she would need to make amends. This was easier said than done with someone as stubborn as Quinn but she was determined to win her over… and she had a plan. After spending her first two periods getting evil glares from Quinn she walked towards the smaller blonde after having dropped Brittany of in class. They both had a free period so it was now or never.

"Hey Q…"

"Hey…"

"Can we talk?"

"I don't know…" before Quinn could say anything else she launched herself forward and pulled the blonde in to a crushing hug. Burying her face in the crook of Quinn's neck she spoke in hushed tones, hoping to soften her up a little bit.

"I am SO sorry, Q. I wasn't thinking."

"Yeh, you're right, you WEREN'T thinking. I was so scared, Santana."

"I know, Q. I really am sorry."

"Yeah… while we're on the subject of apologies… I'm sorry too, San. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

"It's ok… I deserved it."

"No you didn't. I overreacted… it's just – I don't know – only a couple of weeks ago you were so broken and now I see you happier than I have ever seen you and I didn't want to see that go away. We've known each other forever and I don't think I have ever seen you the way you are with Brittany… I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy, Quinn. She makes me happier than I ever thought I could be… I just had a minor setback."

"Minor?" she heard Quinn chuckle sadly and her breath hitched at the sound.

"Ok… maybe a little more than minor. But I AM trying to get over it."

"Just don't shut her out again, ok? Or me, for that matter."

"I promise…"

"Ok good." She felt arms come around her waist and grip on to her tighter. Even though they were in the middle of the hall and there were people staring she let the blonde hang on to her… knowing that Quinn needed this. Come to think of it, so did she.

"To be honest, I was expecting a little more of a fight, Q." She laughed in to the blonde's ear and felt her chuckle.

"I was contemplating making you suffer a little longer… but then I realized that I was at fault too. Oh, and I didn't really want to be on the wrong side of Snix. Had it happen once. NEVER AGAIN!" they laughed together again and she felt a huge weight leave her shoulders. Now they could put this whole 'incident' behind them.

"Damn straight you don't want to feel the wrath of Snix again." She linked their arms and they headed off to lunch before Glee.

She caught Brittany's eyes once they entered the cafeteria and she watched as the blonde bounded over to her with a giant smile on her face. She couldn't help but chuckle at her best friend's enthusiasm and was quick to catch the girl in her arms and swing her round.

"God, anyone would think you hadn't seen each other in years." She heard Quinn chuckle beside her.

"Yeh well it may as well have been years. You missed me right, Tana?"

"Of course I did Panda."

"Ugh, you two are so sweet I feel like I'm getting cavaties."

"Aww, I think Quinnie is feeling a little left out, don't you Tana?"

"Mhmm… there is only one way to solve this."

"No, come on San. Not here, there are so many people." She watched as Quinn's face transformed in to a look of embarrassment. She turned her head and winked at Brittany.

"Too bad Quinnie. Tana and I think you want it."

"NO I DON'T"

Without a waiting a moment more they lifted Quinn off her feet and wrapped her in to a giant bear hug. They used to do this all the time when one of them had been upset or feeling left out.

"Ugh, get off me you weirdos!" Despite her biting words they could tell Quinn was laughing and set her back down on her feet.

"Don't lie Q, you totally loved that."

"Ugh, fine. But just warn me next time."

"But Quinnie, we did warn you. And besides where's the fun in that." Santana couldn't help but smile adoringly at her two best friends interacting so easily. It was almost hard to think about last year when they had been so distant with each other… it was nice to have them back like they used to be. Well, kind of.

* * *

><p>Walking in to glee club she noticed that Puck and Finn were still shooting daggers at each other from across the room. THAT situation obviously hadn't changed since yesterday. What surprised her the most, though, was the fact that Rachel wasn't sitting anywhere near Finn and was shooting pointed glances in his direction. As she approached the seats she watched as the tiny diva stand up and make her way over to her and Brittany.<p>

"Santana… I'm sorry about what he said yesterday." The tiny brunette kept her eyes trained on the floor, almost like she was afraid to look at Santana. She felt Brittany squeeze her hand which was a silent message telling her to be nice.

"Thank you H- um Rachel. That means a lot." Rachel nodded her head shyly and bravely shot Santana a smile before making her way back to her seat.

Mr. Schue came in looking flustered as usual and didn't even bother to introduce the lesson. This week's assignment had been to sing songs that held special meaning to you or an artist that really inspired you

"Right so we have Quinn and Brittany singing today, which one of you would like to go first?"

She watched the two blondes exchange poignant glances that almost looked like they were having a silent conversation before Quinn stood up and made her way to the front of the room. She watched as Quinn sang a beautiful rendition of Misty Blue by Dorothy Moore. She could see the look on Quinn's face as she sang it and saw how lost in the music she was and it brought a smile to her face. She could tell by the stunned silence behind her that her fellow glee club members were feeling just as in awe as she was. The song ended to lively applause and Quinn blushed profusely before ducking her head and practically sprinting back to her seat.

Now, it was Brittany's turn. As Mr. Schue called her to the front of the room she felt the blonde lean and whisper softly in her ear.

"Listen to every single word I am saying ok, Tana?"

She watched Brittany move to the center of the room and take a deep breath to steady her nerves. Before the music started she looked up and introduced her song.

"This song is dedicated to someone very special to me. I am sure you all already know who I am talking about so there is no need to say it. The assignment was to find a song that held special meaning to you… to be honest the song doesn't hold any special meaning yet but the lyrics really struck a tone with me and with any luck there will be significance behind this song when I am done." She couldn't move her eyes off the blonde in front of her and ice blue eyes finally met hers as the first bars of the song echoed through the choir room.

_I'm gonna pick up the pieces,  
>And build a Lego house<br>If things go wrong we can knock it down_

_My three words have two meanings,_  
><em>There's one thing on my mind<em>  
><em>It's all for you<em>

Brittany's eyes did not leave hers and she could only think about how beautiful her voice sounded in that moment. Britt was not given a lot of solos and in that moment Santana could not, for the life of her, think why, it was as if the blonde's voice was slowly penetrating her soul. The room behind her was so silent you could have heard a pin drop. She was so sure everything other person in that room was mesmerized by the emotion pouring out of Brittany's voice.

_And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm  
>If you're broken I will mend you and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now<em>

_I'm out of touch, I'm out of love_  
><em>I'll pick you up when you're getting down<em>  
><em>And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now<em>

_I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind_  
><em>I'll do it all for you in time<em>  
><em>And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now<em>

Every word leaving Brittany's mouth was sending shivers through her body and she squirmed in her seat as she worried about how everyone else was suddenly privy to their story. Shaking her head of the thought she listened to the lyrics and understood that this was about the things that hadn't and couldn't be said between them. They still hadn't discussed what any of this meant but she knew that now was the time. She never wanted to be without Brittany and it was time she told her exactly how she felt.

_I'm gonna paint you by numbers  
>And colour you in<br>If things go right we can frame it, and put you on a wall_

_And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before_  
><em>Now I'll surrender up my heart<em>  
><em>And swap it for yours<em>

As Brittany got to the final chorus and the music started to fade out she could feel the moisture on her cheeks and she brought up her hand to swiftly wipe them away. She was so emotional nowadays and it was different. Then again, everything after Brittany was different and she wasn't about to complain.

_I'm out of touch, I'm out of love  
>I'll pick you up when you're getting down<br>And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now_

_I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind_  
><em>I'll do it all for you in time<em>  
><em>And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now<em>

She stood and was immediately pulling Brittany in to a tight embrace as the sound of applause was drowned out and she was engulfed by everything that was Brittany. She pulled back and rested their foreheads together to stare deep in to the blue eyes.

"I can't believe you did that for me… Thank you."

"Anything for you, Tana."

The glee club were still congratulating Brittany on her performance as they were dismissed and they made their way to last period. She was caught by surprise when Brittany tugged her hand and their lips met in a chaste kiss.

"Do you really have to go to Chelsea's again today?"

"I promised her, Tana. You know that."

"Yeh I know… I was just hoping you'd change your mind."

"Look, I know it sucks. How 'bout I tell her I'm busy tomorrow and I come over after school and we have a Sweet Valley High marathon." She felt herself perk up infinitely at the suggestion and leaned forward to place a peck on the blonde's lips.

"Yay, ok!"

"Ok! I'll come find you after class to say bye ok?"

"Ok, B."

They parted ways and she turned to find Quinn with a look of mock disgust on her face.

"Don't say a word, Fabray."

"Wasn't planning on it, Lopez."

* * *

><p>If there was any subject that Santana hated it was Spanish. She was already fluent and could not understand why she had to sit through the torture of incompetent losers butchering her language 4 times a week. The hour dragged on and she made sure that she kept herself occupied with Quinn, who was also fairly fluent in Spanish having spent a lot of her childhood around a Puerto Rican nanny. By the time the bell rang she was ready to kill Mr. Schue who had spent YET ANOTHER lesson on por and para… if his students didn't have it now there was no hope for them.<p>

Walking down the hall joking and laughing with Quinn she couldn't help but feel the spring in her step as she thought back to glee club and the song Brittany had sung for her. She was laughing at something Quinn had said as they rounded the corner to the hall where her lockers were. That's when she saw it and she stopped dead…. Brittany was pressed up against the lockers... SANTANA'S locker… with Chelsea's mouth pressed tightly against her pink lips. She could feel the vomit rise up in her throat and she just turned on her heel and ran leaving Quinn standing there in shock.

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

She hadn't thought much of the fact that Chelsea had been overly flirty with her today. She had never been good at reading signs but even SHE was able to read what the red headed cheerleader had been doing all day. As they walked out of their last class, she was scanning the hallways for her favorite brunette but before she could look much further she was being pushed in to lockers and harsh lips were pressing against hers. It took her a couple of seconds to react to what was happening before she managed to push Chelsea off her and she couldn't help the hand that came up to slap the red-head across the face.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing, Chelsea?"

"I thought you wanted this…"

"Where did you get that from?" she couldn't help her anger and the breath was leaving her lungs almost panfully.

"Well, you were jealous of us the other day…"

"Oh god… I was not jealous because of you… I was jealous because of Santana!" She had such an urge to slap the girl again so she just clenched her fists by her side. She shook her head and her eyes came to rest on Quinn who was stood in the middle of the half empty hall with a look of pure shock on her face.

She ran over to where Quinn was standing and stopped dead in front of her. The blonde's unwavering eyes were still fixed on where Chelsea stood.

"Quinn… let me expl-"

"She saw…"

* * *

><p><strong>And there you have Chapter 21 :)! I hope you enjoyed it and the next chapter will discuss what happened at the end there ;)! Please don't forget to review, people. It makes me so happy to know that people are enjoying it and I am trying my best to keep you all interested so let me know if I am doing ok! Don't forget to follow me on tumblr: loveisloveshipper. I post sneak peeks of every chapter while they are being edited so you can have a look and tell me what you think. Don't forget to leave a review :)! xShay<strong>


	22. Chapter 22: Not This Time

**Here is Chapter 22 my lovelies :)! Thank you to all of you who took the time to leave me lovely reviews on here and on tumblr… really means a lot. I hope you continue to review because it gives me smiles and I honestly just want to give you all HUGE cuddles. This was a chapter that dealt with the aftermath of THE kiss… how do you think Santana is going to react ;)? Also, if some of you already dislike Chelsea, you are going to absolutely loathe her after this chapter… just a heads up :P! Hope you enjoy it… it is a bit angsty but it's not TOO bad… I hope! Don't forget to leave a review telling me what you think so I can make the next chapter better and don't forget to follow me on tumblr: loveisloveshipper. On with the shout outs :)**

**Anon: Yeh those words after what had just happened would have put anyone in a coma. Brittany (in this fic) is generally very level headed so hopefully she'll find a good way to sort this out :)! Thanks so much for the review. Keep enjoying it!**

**Dolfenluvr: Sorry for breaking your heart a little bit at the end there. Not gonna lie there is a lot of angst in this chapter but hopefully it will pave the way on to bigger and brighter things :)! I have tried to portray Quinn as a really good friend to both the girls because I feel that is the type of friend she would be (loyal & dependable) but faced with someone like Santana she can only do so much. You'll have to read on and find out. Thank you for your reviews it makes me smile… it really does!**

**Silver85: Yeh I felt like the kiss was a little predictable but it had to be done. It was actually my very first time leaving a chapter on such a big cliff hanger. Glad you liked it and like the story :)!**

**Crazyshelle: Thank you! I tried to get the chapter up pretty fast because I felt like you all deserved a quick update and I, luckily, wasn't very busy at work this week. Your comments really made my day, so thank you! X**

**Baron Von Teddy: Ah well you know me and my drama… can't stay away too long ;)! Thanks for the review.**

**Loll: Thank you for your lovely review! Was this update soon enough ;)?**

**Ivy888: You and your gloriously long reviews! I always wait to see what you say because you comment on the whole chapter and really give me a lot to think about. I used what you said in your review a bit in this chapter and I'll give you heaps of brownie points if you can guess where :)? Santana's insecurities will always be a part of her and it doesn't take much to exacerbate them which can be difficult in a relationship. Brittany is going to have to work hard to fix this because Santana does not do well with broken trust even if it isn't really that. The bad thing is that San can really jump to conclusions and can be very narrow-minded in what she sees and what people tell her but hopefully it can all sort itself out ;). Thanks again for your lovely reviews and keep 'em coming because they make my day!**

**Cmss97: There is nothing like a good cliff hanger to keep you guys waiting… didn't want to leave it too long because you all had such nice things to say. Thanks for your review and enjoy the chapter :)!**

**BrittanaShippER95: Ah Christina! I think everyone wants to cut Chelsea at this point… even I do and I am the one that wrote her lol. Regarding your question: I mentioned in the chapter that she sent him a quick text to tell him not to wait up and that she was with friends… Santana's dad is not a very 'present' parent so I don't think he would actively go looking for her unless there was any real danger. He is very quick to assume everything ok if she says it is… and this WILL cause problems in the future. I can't tell you what's going to happen but you know me and my Brittana… they be endgame, yo! x**

**And now on to the chapter! Enjoy! xShay**

* * *

><p>Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

"She saw…"

Her heart stopped when she heard the words fall from Quinn's mouth. She spun around frantically trying to find Santana or at least see where she had gone.

"Where did she go?"

Quinn's eyes were still wide with shock and she saw that her words hadn't registered. She grabbed the smaller blonde by the shoulders and gave her a slight shake.

"Quinn! Which way did she go?"

"Uh… that way, I think." She looked down the corridor to where Quinn was pointing and knew that she had to hurry in order to catch Santana who had taken off in the direction of the car park. She set off at a full sprint not caring how many people she bumped in to a long the way until she reached the double doors that led outside. She took a deep breath and pushed forward; scanning the lot for the red car… she felt her heart stop as she saw it screech out of the parking lot and away from her. She felt Quinn walk up next to her and the tears that were already in her eyes finally spilled out on to her cheeks. As she fought to keep her breath she heard Quinn sigh heavily next to her.

"This is bad, B… This is really bad."

"I know... What am I going to do Quinn?"

"I don't know… what the fuck happened?" she noted the anger in Quinn's voice and instantly felt herself get defensive.

"How am I supposed to know? She just kissed me! You don't honestly think I planned this, do you?" she spat as more tears threatened to fall.

"No! God, B… of course not. I saw you slap her… I know you didn't want it. Santana ran away so quickly, all she saw was you and Chelsea kissing."

"Tell me what to do, Quinn…"

"I don't know, B… I really don't. Ugh, I am going to KILL that girl!"

"Santana! Why?"

"No! Chelsea… She messed with people I really care about and for that she is not going to be able to escape the consequences."

"I don't even know what is going through Santana's head now… It hurts to even imagine what she is thinking of me right now. Oh god, she's gonna think I'm like everyone else, Q. She's gonna think that I am just going to hurt her like everyone else in her life… That's not me… It's not… I love her." Finally the rest of her resolve broke and she felt herself sinking to her knees and losing herself to the fear of what was happening. The hot tears were the only confirmation that this wasn't just some horrible nightmare.

"Please tell me you know that, Quinn. Tell me SHE knows that… please." She felt soft arms wrap around her and she let herself go.

"She does… she knows it deep down. She may just be having a hard time convincing herself of that fact right now."

"I need to find her… I need to see her… NOW."

"I know, sweetie. Come on, I'll drive you." She felt herself being picked up so they were standing and Quinn hugged tighter. Unable to see through her tears she let Quinn guide her to the car.

* * *

><p><strong>Santana's POV:<strong>

Driving was becoming impossible for her at this point. She could hardly see through the blur of tears in her eyes and she wasn't even sure where she was going. She wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in her room and just sleep this away… but home didn't feel like home anymore and everything she had been so sure about not 2 hours ago was crumbling to piles of rubble around her. She tried to steer her mind away from what had just happened but all she could see was Brittany's lips on Chelsea's and it was as if it was happening all over again. Her breath started getting shorter and out of instinct she pulled over to the side of the road and put her head between her knees. Her heart was waging war on the rest of her body and her inner turmoil was barely less than shouts in her head at this point. She tried to think about all the times Brittany had affirmed her love and called her 'baby' but her subconscious had other ideas.

_You knew something like this would happen and she would realize that you didn't deserve her… You knew she was too good for you… why can't you just admit that and let her be happy with someone who deserves her. _

Pushing her hands over her ears and yelling in to the silence of the car, if only to drown out her conscience, she reached in to her bag and pulled her phone out. There was one person she knew she could call and it would maybe help in avoiding a situation like the one 2 days ago. She scrolled through the contacts with blurred eyes until she found who she was looking for… taking a deep breath she pressed call.

"Hello?"

"I - I need you…" her sobs were coming fast and hard now and there was no way she was in any state to drive.

"O- ok. Where are you, S?" She could hear the immediate concern in Mercedes' voice and struggled to keep her composure long enough to tell her where she was.

"Uh I don't know. I'm near the school. I think I'm parked on the side of Bloomington."

"Ok. I'll be right there."

She kept her head placed firmly between her knees as she struggled to keep her breath and stave off any nausea. Before long she heard a car pull up behind her and heard running towards her car before the door was ripped open and she was enveloped in a crushing hug.

"S? What's going on? What happened?"

"I – I can't. I don't… Br – Brittany."

"Ok, shh. It's ok. Let's get you home."

"No! Not home… please."

"Ok… ok. We'll go to mine." She didn't have enough in her to reply so nodded meekly and let Mercedes guide her to the car. The car was silent except for the sniffles and wracked sobs coming from her. She hated showing emotion like this but at this point she was past caring. Walking in to the Jones' household she was glad to see that they were alone and allowed herself to be led to the plush sofa in the living room while Mercedes informed her she was getting her a glass of water. She let the cool liquid rush down her throat and it pushed some clarity in to her overloaded senses. She was grateful for the few minutes' silence Mercedes was granting her.

"What happened, S?"

"Brittany… I – I saw her. Kissing Chelsea. Fuck…" Fresh sobs burst through her chest as she relived the moment once again.

"Oh, Santana… are you sure that's what you saw?" she felt anger rise up only to have squashed by shock again.

"Of – of course I'm sure… ask – ask Quinn." Speaking was becoming difficult as she began to hiccough through her tears.

"Oh god… I am so sorry, Santana. I – I don't know what else I can say because I don't know how this happened… I mean, it's just not Brittany."

"Yeh well… I guess Finn WAS right and she finally realized what I am really like…"

"NO! Don't you dare say that… don't you dare put yourself down like that Santana. She loves you."

"Yeh well even if she does it was only a matter of time until she realized that she deserves better." She could feel her insecurities begin to take a hold of her and she tried to stop herself from saying the things she thought out loud.

"S… you need to talk to her."

"I know… just not yet." She could feel the hand running up and down her back and let herself lean in to the embrace. She remained silent for a long time and just let the hand rubbing slow patterns in to her back calm her down and bring her back to earth.

Somewhere along the way she must have fallen asleep because she woke up with a jump when the doorbell rang. She felt Mercedes shift away from her and instantly felt guilty as she must have fallen asleep on the other girl's shoulder. From somewhere behind her she could hear hushed tones and couldn't immediately tell who was here but when 3 sets of footsteps entered the room she didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.

"Tana…?" the broken voice behind her was too much and in a second she as on her feet and running towards the glass door for the garden.

She didn't even know where she was supposed to go now but something was bothering her. It finally clicked and she just stopped and sat down on the cool grass. She had promised every single girl in the house right now that she was going to stop shutting people out… but she just wasn't ready to face Brittany. Hanging her head between her legs she felt her heart sink once more but there were no tears left to cry. She heard the soft footsteps behind her and prayed it wasn't Brittany, she didn't have the strength for that yet.

"San…" a relieved sigh left her mouth as she heard Quinn's voice.

"Hey."

"How you doing…?"

"How do you think I am doing?"

"You need to hear her side…"

"What is this, Fabray? You taking her side now? What a surprise!"

"I am not taking ANY sides until you hear her out! And stop trying to pick a fight with me because you're hurting, okay? You should just talk to her…"

"Everyone keeps telling me that… I KNOW I should… I get it, okay! I – I just can't yet."

"Ok…"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot…"

"Do you… I mean, do you think… shit, just forget it."

"No, come on. Ask me, S."

"Do you think Brittany deserves more than I can give her?" she heard Quinn sigh and knew that the girl was trying to keep her cool.

"No… I don't."

"I think others sometimes do… I mean Finn sa-"

"Don't listen to that dick. As if he knows what is really going on… he has to be one of the most clueless people out there. I can't believe I ever let him touch me, ugh."

"But what if he's right? What if he is saying what everyone else is too afraid to?"

"Look at me…" she wanted to but she kept her eyes trained firmly on the ground in front of her.

"Santana, look at me. Trust me when I say that you can give her everything she deserves and more… not only that but you are actually WILLING to. You can't see yourself when you look at her… It's almost like a light goes on inside you, a light that doesn't shine for anything or anyone else. It's like she's your whole world… it really is amazing to watch."

"That's because she pretty much IS my whole world. She's the only thing that makes sense nowadays. I'm just worried that she doesn't see me like that."

"Are you kidding? When I am around you two I almost vomit at the amount of devotion you BOTH show." She couldn't help but giggle at Quinn's turn of phrase and felt the sadness lift a minute amount.

"I don't think I can talk to her tonight though, Q." she released a deep sigh

"I can understand that and I am sure she will too. Just promise me you will hear her out." She couldn't do anything but nod.

"Can you tell what happened, Q?"

"What do you mean?"

"You keep saying 'hear her out' and 'her side'. You were there, Q. You saw what I saw… What other side is there?" she squeezed her eyes closed and begged her brain not to bring up the images again.

"That's not for me to say, San."

"Ugh, fine."

"C'mon let's go back inside so I can take you home."

She let Quinn pull her up from the ground and let herself fall in to the hug the other girl was offering. Pushing her face in to Quinn's shoulder she took a deep breath and steeled herself but all she could think was how she wished it was Brittany's scent she was inhaling.

Entering the house she could see Brittany and Mercedes sitting on the couch in silence. The blonde looked washed out and tired and she wanted nothing more than to reach over and pull her close but she knew, deep down, that her heart couldn't handle that at this moment. She watched as Brittany stood up and walked over to her slowly; keeping a firm grip on Quinn's hand in hers she tried to keep her composure.

"Tana… can we talk?"

"Not tonight… I – I just need some time."

"Oh…ok."

She turned to Quinn with pleading eyes and thankfully she got the hint and they excused themselves so Quinn could drive her to her car and then follow her home. As she attached her safety belt she saw Brittany leave Mercedes' house and get in to the Jones' car. Her heart sank at how sad the blonde looked… she looked so tired and dejected it hurt to watch.

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><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

Her heart was actually hurting… Santana didn't want to talk to her so there was no way she had been able to explain what really happened. She knew that Santana was going to go to bed believing wholeheartedly that she had been cheated on and this was what hurt the most. Sitting in the passenger seat she was glad that Mercedes had understood she hadn't wanted to talk and, besides the quick goodbye she was given as she got out of the car in front of her house, the entire journey had been completely silent.

Once in the safety of her room she pulled out her phone and began composing a message to Santana… she just needed the other girl to know that nothing had changed despite what Santana thought about her at this moment. She must have rewritten it at least 10 times before she hit send

**To Tana: 9:32pm: "I know the last thing you probably want right now is to talk to me or even get a text from me but I just wanted to tell you good-night. When you want to talk about this I want to tell you what actually happened… I am not going to push but just now that I love you more than I can say. I hate the fact that you think I am capable of hurting you in this way but I can see how you can think that. I am not like your family and I will never intentionally hurt you nor will I EVER leave you, ok? Good-night, beautiful. I love you… no matter what."**

She set her phone down on her bedside table and was headed out of her room when she heard it buzz once and her heart leapt.

**From Tana: 9:34pm: "I love you too."**

That was all she needed to know.

**Wednesday Morning:**

**Brittany's POV:**

The sun shining through her curtains was what woke her up and she grumbled as she rolled over to check the time. It was barely even 6 o'clock and she had no idea why she was even awake but knew that it was pointless trying to sleep for another hour so she jumped out of bed and changed in to running gear thinking she might as well get a run in before breakfast. She wasn't someone who would purposely get out of bed early to exercise but on a day like today, where she needed to keep a clear head, it was the best thing for her.

Stepping out in to the brisk morning air she could feel her lungs expand and as she let out her deep breath she made a silent wish to the sky that today would be better. Taking off to the hill where her and Santana used to play she was praying that today was one of the days that the brunette had decided to go for a run. With each step that hit the pavement her hope grew. By the time she reached the bench with their engraved names on it she was out of breath and sweating but endorphins were running through her… She saw a lone figure climbing the hill on the other side and her heart leapt in to her chest only to have it drop to her shoes when the runner passed her and it was just another lonely face searching for answers. Sitting down on the bench she ran her fingers over their initials absentmindedly as she thought back to the many afternoons they spent together here when they were younger. The memories of echoed laughter made her smile and give her a renewed sense of hope that everything WAS going to work out… they had been through so much since then and were still close… even more so now than ever before. With a renewed sense of vigor she set of on the path home to get ready for school.

It felt strange having her mother drive her to school considering she was so used to driving in with Santana but she was relieved to see the familiar red car in the parking lot as they pulled in. Shouting a quick goodbye she leapt of the car and raced toward the front doors. She made her way through the throngs of people towards her locker she felt her breath catch in her throat as she spotted Santana standing with Quinn at the brunette's locker. She knew this had been a possibility since all the Cheerio's lockers were in the same place but she wasn't sure how she was going to react. She took a deep breath and cautiously approached her two friends.

"Hey…"

"Hey Brittany." Although she new Quinn was smiling at her, she couldn't bring herself to pull her eyes from the brunette directly in front of her. She watched as Santana's eyes stayed firmly trained on her shoes scuffing marks in to the linoleum before chancing a glance up and locking eyes with Brittany. She watched as the brunette took a deep breath and a wave of pain flashed across her perfect features.

"I can't do this… I'm sorry." Santana turned on her heel and hurried down the corridor and in to her homeroom. She felt herself slump forward and tears well in her eyes.

"Give her time, Britt. She'll come around."

"How do you know? God, she hates me." She heard Quinn scoff but didn't have the energy to question why.

"Trust me… she definitely doesn't hate you."

She let herself be lead to homeroom and she prepared herself to face what was going to be one of the longest and hardest days of her life.

The day had dragged so slowly that she was sure it could have been going backwards. She was exhausted by the time lunch came around but managed to drum up enough of a smile to keep from her fellow glee club members from asking questions. As her and Quinn left the cafeteria she saw a flash of red at the end of the hallway and took a closer look to find Chelsea standing at her locker gazing in the mirror. She didn't even know what possessed her but she suddenly took off and found herself standing nose to nose with the girl.

"Hey Britt… what's up? Come to apologize?"

"Don't even try that shit with me! If anything, YOU should be the one apologizing to me. This is ALL your fault."

"Oh come off it! You were flirting with me just as much as I was with you!"

"Bullshit!" she felt Quinn's hand on her shoulder and she shrugged it off violently. She didn't know what had come over her… she was NEVER violent but something about the way Chelsea was acting all confident and cocky was really getting to her.

"I am SO sorry that we were caught and you hurt your precious little Santana but you can't deny you were flirting with me too!"

"I was being FRIENDLY! You should try it sometime."

"If that was being 'friendly' then I can understand why you have the reputation that you do! It seems that that Coleman kid really was the victim then, huh?" It was then that she snapped and pushed her entire weight forward to shove the other girl.

She watched, almost in slow motion, as Chelsea's hand came up and slapped her across the cheek before pulling violently on her ponytail. She ploughed her body forward once more and they both fell to the ground in a fit of violent rage. Before long she felt lithe arms come around her waist and pull her up kicking and screaming. It was only when she was set down a safe distance away that she noticed it was Quinn who had her arms wrapped around her waist. She glared around in her anger and saw the shocked faces of several of her peers and a wave of embarrassment washed over her. She heard Quinn yell from somewhere behind her.

"Get the fuck out of here and tighten up your pony before you get to class!" the red-head turned away and calmly stalked off while she smoothed out her uniform.

"Are you ok, Brittany?" she glanced up and caught hazel eyes full of concern in hers.

"I – I think so. I'm sorry… I just got so mad."

"Understandable… she was really hitting below the belt with that last comment." She huffed out another breath that was a feeble attempt at a laugh and Quinn released her grip slightly.

"Thank you…"

"Anytime… now let's get you to class before you get in to another brawl." She couldn't help but actually let out a laugh this time as she allowed herself to be led towards glee.

She knew her red face was a giveaway that something was wrong and she prayed that the glee club would be too wrapped up in themselves to notice. She took her place in the back with Quinn and felt the shorter blonde placing a calming hand on her thigh when Santana walked in and took a place next to Puck at the front.

Mr. Schue walked in, flustered as usual, and began the lesson. When he was done rambling about Regional's, he looked up and caught her eyes remembering that she had been to see him before 3rd period to ask about singing a song.

"Brittany… you said you had a special song to sing today?" she took a deep breath and nodded as the shocked faces of her fellow members turned to face her. ONE solo for Brittany in a week was unusual so TWO was unheard of.

As she made her way between the seats she felt a hand come up and grab her arm. She turned to face the intrusion and felt her breath catch in her throat as she gazed down on Santana. The look on the brunette's face was undistinguishable… she watched as Santana stand up to face her and tasted the disappointment when her arm was released.

"Singing a song isn't going to fix this, B… not this time." She just watched in shock as Santana then turned and walked out of the room.

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><p><strong>Santana's POV: <strong>

It had taken all her strength to stop Brittany from singing but she knew that it wasn't going to help and she wouldn't have been able to sit through a song without falling apart completely and, quite frankly, she was tired of being emotional and raw in front of so many people. As she walked away from the choir room and Brittany she could hear her own heartbeat in her ears and for once she was thankful she hadn't been followed. She made her way outside and under the bleachers. Digging in the ground for Puck's packet of Marlboro Lights she lit one and inhaled deeply, reveling in the head rush it gave her. She knew now that there was no way she was going back to class this afternoon. She settled in to the raggedy couch pushed against the bleachers and leant her head back letting the smoke flow freely from her mouth… for the first time in 24 hours her mind was completely blank and it was bliss.

3 hours later she emerged from under the bleachers reeking of smoke and shivering from the slight wind. She made her way to the Cheerio locker room to get ready for practice. As much as she wanted to go home, lock her door and curl up under her duvet she knew that if she missed practice she would be on the bottom of the pyramid for the next 2 weeks. She was running slightly late and the girls were already warming up in the gym when she had changed out of her smoky uniform and in to a fresh one. The whistle sounded directly behind her and she winced at the sound of feedback from Sue's megaphone.

"Alright, ladies. Let's get you on routine 1 and DO NOT mess up the pyramid this time." Some awful teeny-boppy song blared out of the speakers and they took their places.

The first half of the routine ran smoothly and it wasn't until Brittany and Chelsea were standing next to each other that she felt her eyes drift over to them. They seemed to be jostling each other and from where she was standing it looked playful. Her heart was in her mouth and tears pricked her eyes as she watched the shoulder bumps and subtle jabs.

The bridge to the song came on and Sue was yelling in to the microphone, she made her way towards the group in time with the music and came to a halt in her set place… opposite Brittany. She looked up and saw the blonde's eyes were elsewhere, her face a picture of hate and rage with her teeth bared and a subtle flush on her cheeks. She followed the line of site and saw Chelsea glaring back almost as maliciously. Her head turned and she couldn't even make sense of her thoughts. For the rest of the routine she kept her eyes trained on the two cheerleaders as the picture from yesterday became clearer in her mind.

Coach Sylvester called a break and she made her way to sit alone on the bleachers lost in her own thoughts. It was almost like she was watching yesterday's events as an out of body experience. In her mind's eye she looked over the two cheerleaders kissing, trying not to let the nausea wash over her again. She saw the way Brittany's face was screwed up and how her hands hung limply by her sides. It was Chelsea whose body was pressed against Brittany's and the blonde looked like she was trying to get away. It all clicked… Quinn's words made sense now. She had to talk to Brittany.

She snapped out of her thoughts as Sue called her over to a watch over the pyramid practice. Her entire being was buzzing at the epiphany she just had and she felt her spirits lift infinitely. Counting off the beats she watched as the cheerleaders began building the pyramid in time. Once complete she turned to face coach for approval on the formation when she heard shocked gasps and small squeals and she managed to whip her head around in time to see Chelsea's evil sneer and Brittany's lithe body disappearing from the top of the pyramid and landing in a heap on the mats at the base. Her heart hit her throat and her breath stopped as the Cheerios scattered and knelt down beside Brittany.

Her feet acted of her own accord and she started off at a full blown sprint across the gym. She watched as Chelsea approached Brittany who was still lying unmoving on the mats.

"Chelsea, get the fuck away from her. NOW!" The girl smiled evilly and continued on her way.

"I mean it… you take one step closer and I swear to god you are off the cheerios." This warning was taken seriously and she moved away, but not before huffing a half-hearted insult.

She reached the blonde's side and brushed her hand cautiously across the girl's forehead. There was no blood and she could still see breath leaving Brittany's body but it was only when she heard the quiet groan that she finally let her breath go. She rolled the girl gently on to her back and let out a quiet sob as ice blue eyes opened and captured hers. She watched as Brittany sat up slowly rubbing her head.

"Tana?" she asked looking a bit dazed and only a little worse for wear.

"Shh… it's ok baby. I'm here."

"I'm sorry… I – I didn't... I'm not... I didn't do-"

"I know, B. It's ok… I know...

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><p><strong>Boom! Chapter 22 is done (very quickly I may add). Hope it was ok. PLEASE don't forget to review and in doing so put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. Next chapter we may be dealing with 'THE conversation'… I know it's been a long time coming and they have already professed their love and stuff but I have had a reason for them holding this off for so long. Let me know how you feel about this chapter on here and on tumblr: loveisloveshipper. Let me know if I am doing ok because I know a lot of you are picky about what you read and it really means a lot that you have taken the time to read this one. I post sneak peeks on my tumblr before every chapter is posted so make sure you check them out :)! Thanks again and I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Massive cuddles! xShay<strong>


	23. Chapter 23: Crave That Touch

**Hello my lovely readers! I am so, so, so sorry about the long wait for this chapter but I had to deal with a sudden family tragedy. I didn't have the motivation or time to write but I am back in full force now. I hope you enjoy this update and I CAN tell you one thing: I made very good use of the 'M' rating in this chapter. For those of you who wanted Santana to beat the crap in to Chelsea, I decided to go a different route but, don't worry, it isn't any less 'snixxy' but it IS less 'lima-heightsy' lol. Hope you enjoy it and don't forget to tell me what you think on her or on my tumblr: loveislove. ENJOY! xShay**

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><p>Love is the greatest feeling you will ever have; yet it is also one of the greatest sorrows. There is so much suffering, but then there are times when the crying, pain, and heartache is worth it. Those moments are perfect, they are right. Those moments make all the suffering worthwhile. It's those moments we should live for.<p>

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><p><strong>Thursday Evening: <strong>

**Santana's POV:**

She felt her back hit the door with a loud bang as Brittany pressed in to her and trailed harsh kisses down her neck. Her mind was cloudy with arousal and all she could do was grip on to the back of the blonde's t-shirt. Her nails dug in with each ferocious kiss and she could faintly hear the frantic moans that could only be coming from her. Before she knew what was happening she felt herself being lifted of the ground and she instinctively wrapped her legs around the taller girl's waist as strong arms came around her back for support. Her center came in to contact with hard abs and she gasped as a warm mouth now traced a pattern of small bites and licks in to her collarbone.

She needed those lips on hers and she wanted to feel everything. Urging Brittany to slow down she unlocked her fingers from behind the blonde's neck and brought them forward to push her head up and catch ice blue eyes in hers. The longing and desperation behind those eyes was alarming and she felt herself fall once more in to the heat of the moment, all thoughts of soft, loving caresses leaving her mind. She felt the shirt being ripped from her back and before even being able to react the hot mouth was enclosed around her nipple and a guttural moan was ripped from her throat.

The mattress dipped beneath her back as they tumbled on to her bed. She could feel Brittany's hot breath on the shell of her ear as she felt clumsy hands on the clasp of her jeans. She was in her special form of ecstasy that only Brittany could give her but she felt the niggle of something important in the back of her mind. Shaking away the fog of arousal surrounding her, it clicked and she brought her arms up to push Brittany away slowly. Frantic breaths rushed past her and threatened to plunge her straight back in to the indescribable feeling of arousal she was trying to quell at the moment. She felt Brittany push forward once more searching for any expanse of skin in her reach but Santana held firm.

"B… Baby, we have to stop." Despite her firm hold she knew Brittany was stronger and once again the blonde was planting frantic kisses across her chest.

"Mmmm, don't wanna." The muffled reply against her neck sent a shiver down her spine and her resolve almost faltered once more.

Pushing her hands forward more forcefully she was met with confused eyes and a slight pout on the perfect pink lips before her.

"Baby, please. We can't do this now… we have to talk. I told you I wanted to talk to you."

"Ugh, you want to talk right now? Why is it so important? Oh my god, you were joking about forgiving me, weren't you? Holy shit, I can't believe you're going to break up with me." She watched in slight bemusement as Brittany worked herself in to frenzy in a matter of seconds.

"Relax, baby. It's not that. We do need to talk about us, though."

"But I thought we were good?" She heard the tears before she saw them and before she knew what had happened Brittany had jumped off the bed and had run in to the bathroom, locking the door. She sighed as she slid of the bed to follow her.

It had been a week since the incident with Chelsea and they seemed to be doing well except for the fact that Brittany felt the need to apologize every chance she got. She could see the guilt eating away at her but no matter how many times Santana told her she was forgiven, she had a hard time believing it for some reason Santana couldn't even begin to understand. This guilt was played out by Brittany either doting on her every move or throwing her down and bringing her to mind-blowing pleasure over and over again… it was almost as if she was trying to fuck away the guilt.

She rapped her knuckles softly on the door and mentally told herself to hold it together as she heard the muffled whimpers from the bathroom.

"B… please come out? I just want to talk to you. I swear it is nothing bad."

"Just give me a minute, ok."

She breathed a sigh of relief as she heard the tap switch on and the unmistakable sounds of Brittany rinsing her face. Walking back over to the bed she sat down and placed her hands patiently in her lap. At the sound of the door opening she looked up to see a flushed Brittany staring sadly at her.

"B?" she watched as blue eyes closed and a tear spilled on to a rosy cheek.

"B… Baby? Come here." She watched as a sigh of relief left her best friend's body as she slowly made her way over to the bed. Without hesitation she opened her arms and the blonde climbed in to her lap burying her face in to the crook of her neck.

"I'm so sorry, Tana."

"Shh, B. It's ok. I told you I forgave you. It doesn't matter now that I know the truth. You need to stop apologizing."

"You shouldn't have forgiven me. I can't help it… Every time I look at you I remember the look you had on your face when you saw me. I have seen so many people hurt you and I have seen that look on your face when they do… every time I saw it I vowed to myself that I would never be the one to do that to you… and then I did." Her heart hurt at the words coming out of Brittany's mouth.

"Baby… it's ok. It wasn't you."

"I know… but I feel like maybe I should have been able to stop it before it happened."

"You couldn't have known Brittany… you see the good in everyone and you can't see when their intentions towards you are not the best. It's one of the many things I love about you… But that's not what I want to talk about."

Blue eyes came up to meet hers with a look of surprise. She reached forward to brush the last of the tears that lingered on the rosy cheek. She placed a soft kiss to the corner of Brittany's mouth and watched as most of the tension just seemed to rush out of the blonde.

"Oh… what do you wanna talk about then?"

"Us… what all this means. Where we go from here…"

She could now feel the nerves flutter in her chest as she caught the blue eyes in hers once more. She didn't even know where to start… there was so much to talk about and yet so much had already been said. What she wanted to say was just about putting in to words what she already felt in her heart… the nerves came from just the perpetual uncertainty she felt. No matter how many times Brittany said she loved her, there was always a part of her that thought she was just being told what she wanted to hear and not what Brittany really felt. She knew it was stupid as the blonde didn't have a dishonest bone in her body but she couldn't help it.

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany's POV:<strong>

She felt her head spinning and was trying her hardest to make sense of what Santana was saying. If she didn't want to talk about what happened last week then what did she want to talk about? She climbed off Santana's lap and watched her curiously. She could sense that the brunette was getting nervous so she laid a comforting hand on the smooth thigh in front of her.

"Tana… you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeh, I know, B. I – I'm just… I don't know where to start."

"Take your time, baby. I'm not going anywhere." She watched Santana take a few deep breaths before lifting her head to connect their eyes once more.

"Are we together?"

"Of course we are… what are you talking about?"

"No… I mean, like, are we together in front of everyone now. Not just the Glee club, but the Cheerios, everyone at school, maybe even our parents?"

The weight of what they were talking about finally hit her and she now understood where the nerves Santana was feeling were coming from. Dread filled her as she thought about family. Not her own because they had always been supportive of everything she had done and she couldn't see anyone in her family ever having a problem with something that makes her this happy. Santana's family, however, was a completely different story… Her father was very religious and her mother never had the guts to stand up to him… so even if she was ok with Santana being in love with a girl she would never stand up to Javier to support her daughter.

"Oh… um. I don't know. I mean, it's not like it's any of their business anyway."

She watched as her hesitant words hit Santana and saw that look of hurt pass over her once more. Her heart broke as she watched the brunette in front of her mentally scramble to put her walls up and try to block out some of the pain. Although she didn't know what she had said to hurt Santana she knew that what she had said had not been the right thing, She rushed to say something, ANYTHING to backtrack over her last words.

"I mean… Um, if we're happy together then why should it matter what anyone else thinks?"

She saw Santana's arms come up to cross over her chest defensively, almost like she was physically holding herself together.

"So… So you're saying that it's better as a secret?" The first tear dripped on to the tanned cheek and she brought her thumb up to brush it off only to see Santana jerk away.

"No, Tana, that's not what I meant…"

"Then what DO you mean, Brittany?" She felt herself flinch at the sound of her full name… it was only ever used when Santana was really upset or really angry.

"I just mean that maybe it's not the best idea… You saw what happened to Kurt… I can see this isn't what you want to hear… so why don't you tell me what is really going on?"

"This IS what's going on, Brittany. I don't want to have to hide the way I feel about you. Don't you get that?"

"I do, baby. But we're not hiding, not really anyway." She heard a scoff and looked up to see tears streaming down her favorite face, marring the perfect features.

"We may as well be… I don't want to hide any more… I have been hiding who I am and how I feel for so long now and I'm tired of it. I have to just be me… Are you ashamed of me? Of what we are? Is that it?" With those words she felt the anger rise up in her throat… after all they had been through was this really what Santana thought of her.

"NO! Oh my god, how could you even say that Santana… I love you. I'm IN love with you. If you can't see that then I haven't been doing a very good job of proving it to you. When I'm not with you, my heart hurts. Literally hurts, as if there is something missing from it."

"So why do we have to keep lying to everyone… It's not li – "

"Because I can't stand to see you hurt again!" She even shocked herself at the force of her voice. She was just so frustrated and Santana wasn't even listening to her.

"What? B, I'm not going to get hurt."

"Yes… you will. I know you play strong and act like nothing bothers you but I have seen you. That look you get on your face, the one when someone says something that plays on your fears. It's only there for a second before it's gone but I see it…. Every. Single. Time. And it's like, in that moment, I can't breathe because once again I couldn't protect you from feeling that pain. I can't watch it happen again and again…"

"Baby… it's not gonna be that bad. I can handle those idiots at school. They can't touch me if I know I have you. They can't hurt me…" She caught brown eyes in hers once more and felt the love and assurance pouring out of them.

"Maybe not them… but your family can. And they will… even without meaning to, they hurt you every time you are around them. You really want to add fuel to that fire?"

She heard the choked gasp in front of her and watched as Santana's walls came tumbling down. The façade was gone and she could see HER Santana sitting there… vulnerable and broken but probably one of the most resilient people she had ever met. Brown eyes softened as blue eyes caught them and Brittany couldn't help leaning over to place a soft kiss to the tip of the nose.

"I just want to be able to protect you, Tana."

"Like I said, B, nothing can touch me if I know I have you… that applies to them too. Besides you're more family than they have ever been to me… can we at least talk to your family about it?"

"I think that would be ok… I love you, Tana."

She felt her breath hitch as she watched the most breath-taking smile pass over Santana's lips. It was like her love for this girl blind-sided her each time and surprised her over and over again at just how much was there.

"I love you, too, B. More than I ever thought I could."

Without hesitation she reached forward and pulled Santana in to her lap, cradling her, breathing in the smell that was all Santana. A soft sigh of relief floated past her ear and she could almost feel all the insecurity wash away with each passing breath.

"I may love you but I still don't forgive you for blue-ballin' me!"

She felt the rumble of laughter pass through Santana's body and let their bodies fall backwards so they were wrapped completely in each other on the bed.

"Don't worry, Panda. I'll find a way to make it up to you."

Falling asleep that night felt easy. She had stayed up a little while, just watching the steady breath flow in and out of the girl she loved wanting nothing more than to share her dreams and make them all come true.

* * *

><p><strong>Friday Morning:<strong>

**Santana's POV:**

Today was a day like any other except it felt different. After talking to Brittany last night she felt reassured that she wasn't alone in what she was feeling. It just made everything seem a little better in the world. Their morning routine had become a challenge of who could sneak in the most kisses and sneaky touches and there was no better way to start the day than with the one person you can truly be yourself with.

The only bad thing about today was that her and Brittany were in hardly any classes together so they would have to make the most of the time they did have. She felt her face light up as she watched her favourite blonde bound over and tackle hug Quinn in front of her locker. Brittany was one of those people who would hug you like she hadn't seen you in forever even if you had only parted ways half an hour ago. She had this ability to make everyone feel special even if only for those 2 seconds that you were in her arms. She hadn't realized she had come to a stand still, lost in her thoughts as she remembered how much she used to crave that touch… even now that she was getting that touch whenever she wanted she felt she still craved it, perhaps even more so. She was rudely shaken out of her reverie as she felt someone shoulder barge past her.

The flash of red hair was unmistakable and she felt the rage bubble up in her throat as she watched Chelsea walk down the hall as if nothing had happened. It was funny though, normally her anger would snap like a rubber band and she wouldn't even be able to stop herself from launching forward towards the object of her disdain, today the anger just simmered in her stomach and allowed her to saunter casually over to where the redhead was standing.

Green eyes caught hers and she smirked as she saw the flash of fear… Leaning forward, ever so calmly, as she reached Chelsea she let her mouth come close to her ear. Aware that everyone within their vicinity had stopped what they were doing to watch the interaction, most of them hoping for a full-fledged fight, she let her words do the talking as she kept her voice low.

"You will keep your mouth shut and listen to every word I say, got it? Nod so I know you understand."

She felt the slight nudge of the cheerleader's head that let her know she could continue.

"I am going to say this and I am going to say it ONCE. What you did caused me a lot of problems and you are so very lucky that I am in a forgiving mood today because if I weren't, you would be on the floor writhing in pain right about now. You will not cross me again… hear me, bitch? I think you forget that I RUN this school and with one snap of my fingers I can make you a nobody… no, worse, I can make you someone the nobody's hate. You were a fool to think you could fuck with me like that and get away with it and it will NEVER happen again. You WILL play nice or you won't play at all. Nod."

She felt the small nudge once more and smirked at the small whimper she heard leave Chelsea's mouth.

"Oh, and one more thing, you so much as breath in Brittany's direction and I swear to God you will not know what hit you. Now run along to class like a good little Cheerio before I change my mind about going all lima heights!."

She watched with supreme satisfaction as the cheerleader before her turned on her heel and all but sprinted down the hall with her eyes trained on the ground. She felt herself breath a sigh and twist uncomfortably as the feeling of wanting to hit someone remained in her stomach. Glancing around the hallway she saw the disappointed and shocked looks of her classmates.

"What the hell are you all staring at?"

Looking down the hall she saw Brittany and Quinn with their jaws practically on the floor. She wasn't known as someone who was able to control her temper so it made sense that they were so dumbfounded. She caught the look in Brittany's eyes and felt something snap inside her. Purposefully walking towards the two blondes she knew what she needed and she needed it NOW.

"Tana! I'm so proud of y-"

"Come with me… right now!"

Not even slowing her pace a little bit she felt Brittany fall in to step beside her a few seconds later. Not taking her eyes off where she was going she continued to march through the emptying halls.

"Tana? Where are we going?"

Now was not a time for talking and she knew that if she so much as glanced at Brittany her resolve would break completely and this was not the place for something like that.

"Tana? You're scaring me what's going on…?"

She reached the Cheerio's storage closet and pulled the key from her bag. Fumbling with the lock she heaved an exasperated sigh that quickly turned into a moan as she felt Brittany's arms come around her to help with the lock. As soon as the door was open she pulled Brittany in with her and closed the door, pushing the blonde against it.

"Tana? Seriously, you want to do this NOW? We have class."

"Fuck class… I want you."

She attached her lips to the soft skin of Brittany's jaw and began trailing kisses over every exposed piece of skin.

"Fuck."

She knew she had won when she felt Brittany's hands come round and tangle themselves in her Cheerio top. To be honest she had thought it would take a little more convincing.

"I told you I'd find a way to make it up to you… I am going to make you feel so good."

Turning the blonde around in her arms she pushed her forward in to the door and ground herself in to Brittany's back. Unzipping the cheer top on the side she pushed her hand in to the material of her bra and immediately cupped a soft breast in her hand make sure to graze her palm over the hardening nipple. She heard the muffled moan of surprise as Brittany turned her head to rest her cheek on the door.

"Mmm, f – fuck. Tana, you feel so good."

"Baby you have no idea how bad I want you right now."

"So take me…"

What happened next could only be deemed the hottest thing she had ever seen in her life and she was sure that she would have dropped down dead if she weren't already preoccupied. Brittany had grabbed Santana's hand from her chest and pushed it in to her spanks beneath the pleated skirt. The moan that echoed around the small room sent electric sparks shooting down her spine. She felt the wet heat beneath her fingertips and couldn't help but shiver at the thought of Brittany so turned on so quickly. Where was THIS Brittany coming from? She had never seen the blonde like this before.

"Baby… do something please. I – I'm dying here."

Brittany's hips bucked in to her hands and she realized that she was now at the helm and had the blonde at her complete mercy. Brittany's fingers were coming back to hold on to her hair and she felt herself being pulled forward for a sloppy kiss. Not wanting to lose any of the control she lifted her free hand and pinned both of Brittany's above them against the door. Grinding her hips in to Brittany she felt the delicious friction she needed and they soon found a rhythm. Brittany's moans were getting more desperate and it was almost enough to push Santana off the edge. Just the sight of Brittany grinding in to her hand was turning her on more than she could ever imagine.

"Unf, fuck… inside. I – I n-need you inside."

Brittany's voice was barely above a whisper but she heard loud and clear. Dipping down slightly she pushed her fingers further in to the tight spanks. Feeling the dripping entrance beneath her fingertips she slipped the tip of her finger in ever so slightly, feeling her breath catch at the heat she found.

"No – no teasing… please."

Hearing the desperation in the voice she didn't hesitate to push two fingers in as deep as they could go curling them at the tips. She felt the groan of pure pleasure before she heard it as her fingers were almost crushed in wet heat. Not faltering for a second she resumed her hip movements and felt herself teetering dangerously close to the edge.

"You feel, oh god, so f-fucking amazing, baby. I l – love you so much…"

That did it. With those words Santana didn't even _fall _over the edge so much as she hurtled. Not being able to move she watched as Brittany ground back on to her hand searching for the same kind of release. If possible this made her come longer and harder… As she felt herself start to calm a little she put all her remaining energy in to pushing as deep as she could. The keening whine that left the blonde's lips let her know just how close Brittany was.

"Come for me, gorgeous. Let go…"

Brittany thrust forward once more in to her hand and came with a scream of jumbled words and Santana's name thrown in a few times for good measure. She felt the blonde go loose and they sunk to the floor still pressed against each other. Santana panting in to Brittany's skin while the blonde writhed above her reveling in her aftershocks.

"That was…" she couldn't even find words

"So… oh my god… SO hot, Tana."

As they dressed they couldn't help but press loving kisses each other's sweat riddled skin. The entire room smelled like sex and Santana couldn't bring herself to care. Brittany was dawdling as usual and she huffed in mock irritation as she waited for the blonde to ready herself.

"You coming?"

"I thought I just did, Tana."

The smile that graced her face could have rivaled the brightest star and she linked her pinky with Brittany's as she heard her laugh echo in the empty hallway.

"You're such a dork."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Phew annnnnnd we're done. What did you all think? And be honest because that was my first time writing THAT kind of smut lol. I hope the chapter was ok and don't hestitate to tell me what you thought or if you would like to see something in future chapters because I will try and make it happen :). Let me know! xShay**


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